Archives for the day of: January 25, 2012

LAZY STUDENTS. We’ve sorted through three very similar presidential campaigns to bring you this: one-sentence differences on five key issues, from the cost of education to imagining the AMS is a lady/gentleman you’re taking out on a date. Keep our chart open in another window while you’re voting!

All answers have been condensed and paraphrased from debates hosted by The Ubyssey and the AMS Elections committee, with attention to statements made in interviews. We’ve tried very fucking hard to present opinions with great accuracy and no bias, but as always, we encourage readers to read the originals and become EPIC FUCKING HACKS. Our summaries—and background information on the issues—are after the jump.

Really lazy? We’ll be putting up endorsements and semantics in the next 24 hours. Click this amazing infographic below and vote on.

CLICK TO VIEW FULL, it's huge

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Here’s our second paraphrased debate highlights, this time from Tuesday. Tuesday’s debates were much livelier, with plenty of joke questions from both floor and moderation. Our most pressing question, however, was this: Why did Matt Parson have his shoes off? Major gross.

TUESDAY TUESDAY gonna try to slyly reference my role in a fraternity on Tuesday?

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Question 5. Imagine you’re taking the AMS out on a date. Describe the date.

B: I’d send her a text that said “Hey girl, what are you doing tonight?” Take her to my favourite Italian restaurant on Robson, because I’m Italian. We’d eat delicious pasta, either vegetarian or not, depending on what the AMS is. Beautiful red wine. We’d talk about things that are important to her.

AJ: We’d take advantage of all the great things that UBC has to offer. We could start the day at the Museum of Anthropology, then trek down to Beaty and stare at the whale. Afterward, we could go to Sage and order some wine on our meal cards, because I’m assuming the AMS lives in residence? And is a first year? Wait, no, I don’t want to date the AMS any more. … Um. And then we would go to a Council meeting together. [Editor's note: this can actually be sexy]

M: Considering how old the AMS is, I don’t know what I could take her out to. Maybe some tea and cribbage? and then, after that, maybe take her back to the frat house.

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Question 9. As president, would you endorse the UBC Undie Run? And would you lead the pack?

Matt: I was on the Ubyssey video last year, doing a flip off the diving board! Wait, I shouldn’t have said that. But of course I endorse it! It’s fantastic, and the clothes go to charity! This is what college is all about!

AJ: I don’t think the AMS should officially endorse it… because it would lose its cool factor. But I would be there, why not?

B: [Raising his eyebrows, making inappropriate eye contact.] Yes. (Jeremy McElroy: “Creepy.”)

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16: Are you worried about abusing power? How would you meet the challenge of using your power wisely?

[Boring answers explicating the balance of power in the AMS.]

Matt: [In addition to all the things the other candidates said] my friends are always making fun of me.

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18: Ben: Are you going to Jello wrestle with me on Wednesday?

AJ: …sure?

M: I’ve been watching WWF clips all week.

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19: The current President, Jeremy McElroy, is known for his beard. In fact, he used it for his campaign posters. He’s known as the guy with the beard. How do you want to see yourself branded?

AJ: Visual imagery? Topknot, big glasses. My real answer? As a strong leader.

M: I guess glasses and plaid is the theme?

B: [Smirking, wiggling his face.] Hey, girl.

We’ve achieved immortality.

This post was written by Kai, who has never jello wrestled in her life. She has, however, apparently dated both the figurative and literal face of the AMS.

Two presidential debates have happened in the past five days, none of which you watched. But I did, and then I transcribed and paraphrased them for a series of epic posts to come. We are trying to make this campaign somewhat amusing after it has been dubbed “REVEL IN THE REASONABLENESS”…so first up, FRIDAY!

(You can follow along by watching a very informative 30-minute video—and exploring the candidates interviews—here.) Otherwise, it’s on to

FRIDAY FRIDAY learning about your very similar approaches to governance on FRIDAY

AJ was asked by Brian, Cranky Old Man in Training and moderator, to expand on the “essay” she’s written justifying a Presidential run with no Council experience. AJ maintained that her leadership experience and development skills are the important qualification, not time on Council. But then she summed up the race as a whole: 

But only one can be the AMS’s boyfriend. Er, girlfriend. Sorry, we forgot about your difference.

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Asked how they’d combat the War on Fun, engage student interest in AMS Events, and what level of subsidy they’d like to see for the same, candidates uniformly talked about that catch-all phrase, “student engagement.” But we appreciated Matt’s call-out to Arts County Fair, the last real party on campus, and how ACF engaged with students: 

That moment of absolute truth, taken in combination with Matt’s proposal of a promotions team for events, made his answer the strongest. He’s also the only candidate to reference the seamy past of Arshy Mann, Ubyssey Web Editor.

Legend has it, he was naked. Arshy, that is, not Matt. [For the story about when Matt was naked, you'll have to stay tuned! no, seriously. he told this story.]

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At one point, for five whole seconds, Ben Cappellacci stopped being his perfect, sex god meme of a self and forgot how to say ‘coordinating.’

Coming up next on So You Think You Can President we have hilarious quotes from Tuesday! So many good ones, we can hardly contain ourselves. Find out what they would do on a date with the AMS, and more! (Yes, there are answers involved that range from virginal freshmen to octogenarians*).

This post was written by Kai, who actually transcribed all of these god damn debates and will use her hard-earned 1.5 cents from each student to pay for her pending carpal tunnel.

*[Editor's note: Taylor lost in the spelling bee finals when she was younger by misspelling "octogenarian" and has been looking for an excuse to use it ever since]

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