Cue the cheek-pinching.

It’s election time already? God, that just flew by.

Campaigning doesn’t start until THIS VERY DAY oh fuck it is so late #old #schoolinthemorning #ihateeverything, but here are three initial observations to tide us all over until everyone starts letting the realness out:

  1. There are SO MANY CANDIDATES. Someone had better drop out real soon, or our interns are going to have a rough time of it. Look at all those names they’ll have to learn how to spell and come up with puns on!
  2. LADIES. Running for things that are not VP Admin. YES. ROLE MODELS.
  3. Oh my god, we don’t even know who half these people are. Did something magically happen to make people care about the AMS? Gateman, is this your doing, with that ‘change something’ assignment? STOP THAT. STOP THAT RIGHT NOW.

PRESIDENT:

  • Caroline Wong: current VP Admin, best hair of any exec (w/e, Matt Parson, you get coloured streaks and then we’ll talk)
  • Ekateryna Baronovskaya: current Unecorn chair, blogger, kind of came out of nowhere last year? not that that is a bad thing
  • Jay Shah: current AMS ECSS (that’s services, n00bs), mellow aura, apparently like super-obsessed with Jay-Z

VP ACADEMIC

  • Montana Hunter: Arts Councillor, does Ukrainian dance
  • Kiran Mahal: Current VP Academic, former SUS President, Princess Shinyhair
  • Anne Kessler: Arts Councillor, clearly didn’t coordinate this with Montana, has been to Hobbiton (Jelly.)

VP ADMIN

  • Barnabas Caro: Arts Councillor, from Tanzania, every time we see him he’s like surrounded by five girls, this is what the young people like now I guess
  • Justin Fernandes: SUS VP External, Councillor, ?????????
  • Derek Moore: New SUB Community Engagement Dude, RA
  • Olivia Yung: Asst AMS Tutoring, SLC Promotions, Dance Club

VP EXTERNAL

  • Tanner Bokor: AMS Asst VP External, the AMS totally poached him from the Ubyssey, can only blame himself if he loses (<3 U TANNER)

VP FINANCE

  • Joaquin Acevedo: AMS International Commissioner (this is a thing?!), was SUS VP Finance
  • Mateusz Miadlikowski: Works at the Pit/Gallery, has probably had it up to here with people making cracks about his last name? which is too bad because we are SUPER LAZY around here sometimes

BOARD OF GOVERNORS (2)

  • Tristan Miller: Current AMS VP Finance, Prince Shinyhair / Duke of Bowties, has a secret real first name
  • Conny Lin: GSS President, neuroscientist (pending?)
  • Harsev Oshan: AUS President, Sigma Chi
  • Mike Silley: current BoG rep, former AMS VP Admin, somehow convinced Maria Cirstea to be his gf WELL DONE SIR #swag #yolo
  • Matt Parson: current AMS President, plays all the sports, really into wearing that oversized bagel from the retro ad campaign for the SUB
  • Erin Rennie: OLD HACK, once ran for Pres as “Mistress Rennie,” which is /exactly/ what it sounds like, it was a different time

SENATE (5)

  • Ugh, God, at least one of you is going to drop out and THEN we will post a complete list, okay? Some old faces, some new faces, some faces that have already been up here because people hedge their bets
  • We see you there, Philip Edgcumbe, how many years have we been typing out your name

SLFS (5)

  • It’s a slate! You’ll vote for them because they want it and no one else does
  • Also they’ve been doing this for a while now
  • Thus far, no one has absconded with the money
  • But we’ve got our eye on you, JJ #wasplife

One thought on “Cue the cheek-pinching.

  1. Unicorn Sparkles

    Zero joke candidates? (Maybe Harsev thinking he belongs on the board qualifies?)

    Awwwww, fuck this shit.

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