Sigma Phi Delta is the sexiest frat around. Why? Because they’re all alcoholics, nerds, and are smart. They will also be very rich in the future and throw awesome fucking house parties. Among a myriad of other things we can’t write for legal purposes, probably.

But let’s just make this Hacks We’d Like To Fuck, Round Whatever. Or rather, Hacks We’ve Most Likely Already Hooked Up With.

See our list after the jump!

Ian Campbell is the hipster of the engineers and seriously manages to get a serious amount of action for someone with such skinny jeans. See also, here.

Skittles – he has a cool name and DJs, what more could a lady ask for? Oh right, HE SINGS TOO. So sexy.

Hans Seidemann – he blows so much stuff up, he could blow all over your face? I don’t know, just watch this viral video he starred in:

(UPDATE: Not Actually In the Frat Even Though I Have Cuddled With Him On The Frat Couch) Dan Olson – the cutest, most cuddly teddy bear ever. Plus, you know how we like our Presidents. Dan is a vegetarian with the kindest soul ever, I’d have a hard time imagining him ever even hurting a fly. He’s also avoided getting mystery tanked, which is probably the first time ever (though I’m sure some engineering historians will correct us on this). HE ALSO HAS MORE BADGES ON UNTAPPD THAN THE FOUNDERS. Now THAT is sexy. [Editor's note: I'm going to stop here and not go on about his sexiness considering his brother is a VP where I work, sorry babe]

A Name Like the Cairn – “Sex: Drunk, hard and heavy. Orgasms so many ways you think you’d gone to orgasm heaven. Engineers are innovative, right?” (see here)

(UPDATE: Not Actually In The Frat Even Though He Has Worn A Toga In The Frat House) Tagg Jefferson - see here.

Sean Heisler - see everything on this blog.

This post was written by Taylor, who has a big girl job, bedhead, and is sleepy at 1:30am. She is also wearing her Engineering Frosh shirt to bed, and even put a bra on for this photo. You’re fucking welcome, I better get an all-inclusive date to E-ball out of this.

]]> http://blogs.ubc.ca/amsconfidential/2012/02/06/feature-the-engineering-frat/feed/ 2 http://blogs.ubc.ca/amsconfidential/2012/01/27/the-dreamhorse/ http://blogs.ubc.ca/amsconfidential/2012/01/27/the-dreamhorse/#comments Fri, 27 Jan 2012 18:32:14 +0000 taylorloren http://blogs.ubc.ca/amsconfidential/?p=2483 So, we’ve already drooled over and endorsed Tagg Jefferson, but in the bar the other day he showed us this photo that his “roommate” made to describe him. Since Issues That Matter deemed him a “Dark Horse” and we deemed him a “Dreamboat” this is the, uh…well, The Dreamhorse.

This post was written by Taylor, who, unlike Hans said, did not come all over herself when seeing this photo. 

Are you on Team Edward or Team Jacob?

we had to redo the 's' like five times before it was "Twilight enough"

AJ should have been the candidate to beat in this election—just like Bella should have been the star of the show. But just as we all got sick of Bella’s hemming and hawing with no action, AJ’s communications-only platform—and a few factual missteps during debates—made her a medium-strong candidate in an All-Star Race.

Let’s be clear: in any other year, we would have been happy to endorse AJ. She’s a great leader with real skills who’d do a great job as president. We have to give AJ a massive amount of credit for her work on the AMS referendum and SLC. But at the end of the day, we weren’t feeling it.

What were we feeling? That AJ’s campaign should have been for VP Administration. It’s the perfect fit for her longstanding relationships with student development. Her team-building skills would have revitalized the Clubs-based portfolios. And her interest in architecture and design are perfect for the New SUB. Even her emphasis on collaborative, clear communication in the AMS could have been achieved from this position.

——–

So who did we endorse? check after the jump, in which we get so freaking serious. Yeah, we feel kinda weird about it too? But, like, this is important—it’s our relationship we’re talking about here. The AMS is totally our boyfriend.

——–

Matt ran an incredible campaign. Ben ran an incredible campaign. And as many commentators pointed out, their positions on several key issues were the same. On the Gage South/land use/governance portfolio, by far the biggest upcoming issue, their answers were practically identical—and to give credit where credit is due, identically strong and student-focused.

Where the two candidates differed is in their vision of the AMS.

We don’t doubt that Matt sees the potential of the AMS, the largest student society in BC and one of the largest in Canada. We don’t doubt that he’s got big plans for the AMS—but he sure didn’t tell us about them.

Matt’s pledge is small change. Nobody’s going to give a shit—they’re never going to give a shit—and they’re going to continue to not give a shit. If we’ve learned one thing in our hours in the Ubyssey archives, it’s this. Campaigns used to talk to thousands of students in one three-week period—and student apathy was still the subject of scathing editorials that could have been written last week. If your biggest promise and the thing that sets you apart is to talk to a bunch of students, you’ve completely missed the point of what the AMS can accomplish.

Ben, on the other hand, referenced the big things the AMS can do. In fact, he brought it up time and time again in debates. And his big difference—his pledge to make us a leader across the province by fighting for a provincial lobbying group and joint lobbying initiatives—speaks to that vision of the AMS.

Some people may call us naive. Fuck those people. Student politics isn’t always about the cynical, it’s about what is reasonably ambitious. It’s about what we can accomplish with the combined power of nearly 50 thousand students, whether or not those students are aware of it. Revel in the reasonableness, as this election has been dubbed.

We’re endorsing Ben because of his ambitious vision for the AMS. And if Matt or AJ wins, we’d encourage them to think bigger and do the great job we know they can.

——-

We realize this endorsement is not going to make everyone happy. This was a hard decision to make, and this post was delayed because frankly, we couldn’t make up our minds. Just like Bella, we were torn for three novel-length nights.

We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: AJ, in one perfect moment, summed up this entire Presidential race in her debate on Friday:

Congratulations to all three candidates for their excellent campaigns, intelligent responses and for making this the hardest endorsement for the best reasons.

This post was written by Kai and Taylor in the Gallery, and our endorsement is unanimous with the rest of our editorial staff.

SPAN is back, banking on the short institutional memory of the AMS to forget about all the wonderful things it accomplished years ago.. like firing the General Manager of the AMS and expecting no one to notice.

All answers have been condensed and paraphrased from debates hosted by The Ubyssey and the AMS Elections committee, with attention to statements made in interviews. We’ve tried very fucking hard to present opinions with great accuracy and no bias, but as always, we encourage readers to read the originals and become EPIC FUCKING HACKS. Our summaries—and background information on the issues—are after the jump.

Really lazy? We’ll be putting up endorsements and semantics in the next 24 hours. Click this amazing infographic below and vote on.

CLICK TO VIEW FULL, it's huge

1. Cost of education

Currently, the AMS’s policy is to oppose any increase in tuition greater than 2% (inflation) and support any reduction in tuition that doesn’t mean a reduction in overall funding. Some students like this (keep quality of education high) and some don’t (any increase in tuition is an unacceptable increase).

Policy 72, a university policy, states that no (Canadian) student shall be denied continued studies because of lack of funding. However, the policy does require that students must exhaust all other resources, including the student loan system.

AJ: Let’s work for things we can get right now.The policy sounds appropriate; it’s the follow-through we need to be concerned with. Let’s ensure we’re lobbying the university for their best effort. We need to be lobbying for things that aren’t tuition but which are get-able. “Do students want lower tuition? Yes, of course! … But how can we make change right now? How do we fix the things we have direct access to?”

BEN: We need to lobby for provincial change. One of the biggest issues here is to do with the province’s limitations on financial aid and how it’s disbursed, as well as funding for universities themselves. The AMS has a strong role to play in strengthening students’ voices at the provincial level, so both university and students are supported.

MATT: The university needs to explore different ways to provide ‘financial aid.’ Policy 72 is currently problematic because many students aren’t eligible for all the sources they need to exhaust, and thus can’t get emergency aid. Even those students who have loans are in trouble; if they receive a grant or bursary, that amount will be taken from their loan in the next pay cycle—leaving them right back in the hole, especially when it comes to items like rent and food.

2. Provincial Lobbying

The AMS just left the Canadian Alliance of Student Associations (CASA), a federal lobbying group for student unions across the country. Our only options now? Re-join a federal group (not on the table), or start a provincial lobbying group of our own. For the past two years, once-VP External and current AMS President Jeremy McElroy has been trying to get a provincial lobbying initiative off the ground, partially succeeding with the joint Where’s The Funding? Campaign. Where do we go from here?

AJ: We’re big enough to do this on our own. Coordinated provincial lobbying is a good idea, but not a top priority. UBC can lobby effectively as one institution—maybe not as well as with others, but well enough. We need to put the needs of our school first rather than waste too much of our time trying to put together a group.

BEN: Now is the time to move forward on this. We’ve always taken on a leadership role in the province by being both large and loud. Jeremy’s plans are a priority for the AMS. Previously, we’d been stalled by other schools which couldn’t join. “I think the time is right, right now, for the AMS to really act as a leader here and move forward to unite students from across the province, to focus on these things that matter.”

MATT: Joint initiatives are a practical start. Creating a provincial group is a lot of work; what we should be doing now, in the early days, is assembling the Big Three research institutions (UVic, UBC and SFU) as a starting point. [Ben pointed out he forgot UNBC.] With their clout, we can establish a group and then start to reach out to smaller schools.

3. Governance

Two years ago, the provincial government took over jurisdiction of UBC from Metro Vancouver in what was supposed to be an interim solution. UBC has yet to propose an alternate solution, and is running on a model of almost complete autonomy, i.e. unchecked power. If you believe the university is a benign and all-knowing organization, a sort of Mother Goddess [Editor's note: Alma Mater actually means Nurturing Mother in Latin], then you’re probably fine with this. Otherwise, you’re worried about how the university will use provincially-supplied resources, like land in the heart of campus, and how much say students will have in these issues. See also: the debate around Gage South.

AJ: We need to get in on the ground floor. Students make up over half the on-campus residents on UBC, and they absolutely need representation. However, it’s difficult to say what that should look like, both because our residents aren’t permanent, or what an ideal governance model would look like. What’s important now is to start advocating for the student voice, so we’re included naturally. And if that doesn’t happen, we can cite our long-term involvement to argue for inclusion. “What role students play is going to be difficult to figure out, but it needs to be a permanent one with a vote in this governance structure.” Our allies on BoG are also going to matter in this discussion. [Editor's note: AJ may or may not be best friends with current BoG rep Sean Heisler, who we wish we were dating].

BEN: This is the time when our relationships matter, and this is going to be my priority. There’s a lot of uncertainty around the model, but we know what needs to be done in general. Coordinating our efforts is really important. We need to make sure our relationships with the province—who will make the actual decision—the University Neighbourhoods Association and the university are all strong, so we can justify our position. And we need to consult with students on what they want, and provide an effective way for these concerns to be heard—which I did while VP Academic. Our strength is in our unified voice, and I plan to make this a priority of my term. “At the end of the day, this university exists for the education of our student body; not for residents, not for our professors, and not for the UBC administration.”

MATT: The status quo is not acceptable, and we cannot do this alone. Where I differ is in that this conversation has already started. “This is, right now, an interim solution. UBC needs to provide an alternate form of governance, and to think that they’ve just been putting this off is foolish.” We need to put pressure on the university, and we need to put a lot of it on the province. The best way to do this is by pairing with other groups around campus: residents, faculty and staff, ideally in a working group. “… once that critical mass is reached, it’s bringing in faculty and staff so we can go to the province and say, ‘Listen, the people who are going to be governed by this eventual model currently are not being consulted, and need to be so.’”—because it will be UBC’s proposal to make, and they’re already moving on it.

5. “Student Engagement”

UBC students are often criticized for being apathetic, and AMS events are regularly poorly attended. In the first debate, candidates talked about how to get more people out to AMS events, and whether it’s in the mandate of the Society that these events should break even or be subsidized fun. Here, they talk about what new approaches they’d bring to reaching out to students.

AJ: We need clear and collaborative communication. Our website is hard to manage and rarely updated; communications from the society itself are often late and hard to understand. We need to give students the most time possible to react to proposals we make, like the upcoming referenda. Collaboratively, we should be trying to reach more students and reach out to students who are already engaged in different ways, asking “How can we better support you?”

BEN: We need to reach students in new ways, with new tools. Communication is an ongoing issue. We have more and more tools to reach students, but it seems that students are less and less connected. We need to collaborate with groups on campus and have the AMS act as a focal point. Some things we could try are video to talk about what we’re doing at AMS Council. Currently Council meetings are shared as formal minutes, which are dense and hard to understand. Let’s look at how students are engaging with media across campus, and try to reach them in the ways they want, with the info they want.

MATT: I’ve got a pledge for that. Student engagement is a classic question. It’s always brought up, and always from a top-down perspective. Recently, that’s been the supposedly paradigm-shifting social media approach: like this page, follow this stream. I really toiled with this and in coming through the thought process of how to address engagement, I realized how little time we spend talking to students. My campaign pledge is to talk to four new students every day, one thousand students in my term. If I don’t meet my weekly goal, I’ll forfeit one third of that paycheque. If I don’t meet my yearly goal, I’ll forfeit $5,000 from my overall salary.

5. Imagine you’re taking the AMS out on a date. Describe the date. (THIS WAS AN ACTUAL QUESTION, HELLO.)

BEN: Hey, girl. I’d send her a text that said, “Hey, girl. What are you doing tonight?” I’d take her to an Italian restaurant, because I’m Italian, and we’d eat some pasta. Vegetarian or not, whatever the AMS is. Beautiful red wine. And we’d talk about things that are important to her.

AJ: We’d explore all that UBC has to offer. I guess for my date, the AMS is a guy. We’d start the day at the Museum of Anthropology, then trek down to Beaty [Biodiversity Museum] and stare at the whale. Then we’d go to Sage and order some wine on our meal cards, because I’m assuming the AMS lives in a residence? And is a first year? No, I take that back, I spoke too soon. I don’t want to date the AMS any more. Um, and then we would go to a Council meeting together.

MATT: Tea and cribbage? Considering how old the AMS is, I don’t know what I old take her out to. Maybe some tea and cribbage? and then, after that, maybe take her back to the frathouse. [Ed. note: for what, Halo 3?] 

——–

This post painstakingly compiled by Kai, who occasionally puts her liberal arts education to “good” use. Graphic by Ekat, who is currently applying to Architecture programs and should you come across this post in a Google search, totally deserves that job.

TUESDAY TUESDAY gonna try to slyly reference my role in a fraternity on Tuesday?

——-

Question 5. Imagine you’re taking the AMS out on a date. Describe the date.

B: I’d send her a text that said “Hey girl, what are you doing tonight?” Take her to my favourite Italian restaurant on Robson, because I’m Italian. We’d eat delicious pasta, either vegetarian or not, depending on what the AMS is. Beautiful red wine. We’d talk about things that are important to her.

AJ: We’d take advantage of all the great things that UBC has to offer. We could start the day at the Museum of Anthropology, then trek down to Beaty and stare at the whale. Afterward, we could go to Sage and order some wine on our meal cards, because I’m assuming the AMS lives in residence? And is a first year? Wait, no, I don’t want to date the AMS any more. … Um. And then we would go to a Council meeting together. [Editor's note: this can actually be sexy]

M: Considering how old the AMS is, I don’t know what I could take her out to. Maybe some tea and cribbage? and then, after that, maybe take her back to the frat house.

 ——-

Question 9. As president, would you endorse the UBC Undie Run? And would you lead the pack?

Matt: I was on the Ubyssey video last year, doing a flip off the diving board! Wait, I shouldn’t have said that. But of course I endorse it! It’s fantastic, and the clothes go to charity! This is what college is all about!

AJ: I don’t think the AMS should officially endorse it… because it would lose its cool factor. But I would be there, why not?

B: [Raising his eyebrows, making inappropriate eye contact.] Yes. (Jeremy McElroy: “Creepy.”)

——–

16: Are you worried about abusing power? How would you meet the challenge of using your power wisely?

[Boring answers explicating the balance of power in the AMS.]

Matt: [In addition to all the things the other candidates said] my friends are always making fun of me.

———-

18: Ben: Are you going to Jello wrestle with me on Wednesday?

AJ: …sure?

M: I’ve been watching WWF clips all week.

———-

19: The current President, Jeremy McElroy, is known for his beard. In fact, he used it for his campaign posters. He’s known as the guy with the beard. How do you want to see yourself branded?

AJ: Visual imagery? Topknot, big glasses. My real answer? As a strong leader.

M: I guess glasses and plaid is the theme?

B: [Smirking, wiggling his face.] Hey, girl.

We’ve achieved immortality.

This post was written by Kai, who has never jello wrestled in her life. She has, however, apparently dated both the figurative and literal face of the AMS.

(You can follow along by watching a very informative 30-minute video—and exploring the candidates interviews—here.) Otherwise, it’s on to

FRIDAY FRIDAY learning about your very similar approaches to governance on FRIDAY

AJ was asked by Brian, Cranky Old Man in Training and moderator, to expand on the “essay” she’s written justifying a Presidential run with no Council experience. AJ maintained that her leadership experience and development skills are the important qualification, not time on Council. But then she summed up the race as a whole: 

But only one can be the AMS’s boyfriend. Er, girlfriend. Sorry, we forgot about your difference.

—————–

Asked how they’d combat the War on Fun, engage student interest in AMS Events, and what level of subsidy they’d like to see for the same, candidates uniformly talked about that catch-all phrase, “student engagement.” But we appreciated Matt’s call-out to Arts County Fair, the last real party on campus, and how ACF engaged with students: 

That moment of absolute truth, taken in combination with Matt’s proposal of a promotions team for events, made his answer the strongest. He’s also the only candidate to reference the seamy past of Arshy Mann, Ubyssey Web Editor.

Legend has it, he was naked. Arshy, that is, not Matt. [For the story about when Matt was naked, you'll have to stay tuned! no, seriously. he told this story.]

——–

Coming up next on So You Think You Can President we have hilarious quotes from Tuesday! So many good ones, we can hardly contain ourselves. Find out what they would do on a date with the AMS, and more! (Yes, there are answers involved that range from virginal freshmen to octogenarians*).

This post was written by Kai, who actually transcribed all of these god damn debates and will use her hard-earned 1.5 cents from each student to pay for her pending carpal tunnel.

*[Editor's note: Taylor lost in the spelling bee finals when she was younger by misspelling "octogenarian" and has been looking for an excuse to use it ever since]

]]> http://blogs.ubc.ca/amsconfidential/2012/01/25/presidential-debate-highlights-friday/feed/ 0 http://blogs.ubc.ca/amsconfidential/2012/01/24/poster-critiques-from-a-hideous-man/ http://blogs.ubc.ca/amsconfidential/2012/01/24/poster-critiques-from-a-hideous-man/#comments Wed, 25 Jan 2012 06:39:46 +0000 queigh http://blogs.ubc.ca/amsconfidential/?p=2424 Editor’s note: This screed, scribbled in coarse ink on coarser paper, appeared in the secret drop-box of our hidden office in the SUB. Although loathesome to look upon, can we learn lessons from this unknown scribe? Will its vitriol overshadow its truths?

I was loathe, at first, to comment upon the campaign posters for the Presidential race. As a child, I was not allowed to look at photographs or mirrors; Father said they were “ikons of Beelzebub,” and that man only apishly mimicked what the Lord God alone was able to create. Being a free-thinking individual, I am more liberal in my views. Still, looking upon these images created a stirring in my bowels, a physical sense of wrong. Forgive me if my queasiness shows through my words.

The man Cappellacci

Here is a fellow who is familiar with his own visage, and finds it pleasing. The even dispersal of hair upon his cheek suggests to me an individual who has never worked a day’s honest labour in his life, has neither gutted the earth for riches nor felled the giants of the forest for fuel to warm his family. And yet, his face-bones are roughly hewn, too roughly, methinks, for those of an oily Mediterranean. Perhaps his father should enquire after the activities of the Pollack milk-man? But I digress.

I would not fain call any woman a hoor who, upon looking into Cappellacci’s eyes, found her loins whetted. Verily, these are the eyes of a man who retains a boy’s fresh senses, yet acts and speaks with the vigour of a man. I once saw such eyes on the face of a sailor who dwelt for a time above the gin-shop in Town. He was not long there before three milkmaids bore his whelps. If I recall, he left in the night, never to return. The children, all, were born disfigured. A sorry affair, and a warning to the softer sex: Guard your wombs ‘gainst the man Cappellacci.

The man Parson

It has been said that I harbour a weakness for pretty mouths, and a prettier mouth I have never seen than upon the man Parson. Those sculpted lips and that forgiving chin make the mouth of my own dear Maw-Maw seem like the foam-flecked meat-hole of a sottish charcoal burner. I do not say this lightly. During my years in the workhouse, a pretty mouth was a valued thing. A man might amass his own weight in tobacco or molasses if he possessed an orifice so fine as Parson’s and put it to worthy labour. O, but I do not wish such a sentence upon poor Parson. His shoulders are so slender, his skin birch-pale. The workhouse would break him like a cur beneath the wheels of the Foreman’s wagon.

Parson wears spectacles, which elicits my distrust. What use has a man for spectacles, lest he be in the employ of the Bank, mislaying the honest Worker’s salt and bread with his wily scrivening? Glasses are the acoutrement of a Clerk, and a Clerk’s word is not worth the soft white skin that holds him together.

And yet! That mouth. Had I not given my heart, in Dream-Time, to the Doe of the Mountain, I might offer it to that mouth, in vain hope that its soft succor be my companion until death. But alas, I am married to the Mountain, as surely as Parson is married to the bank-man’s ledger.

The woman Koehn

In my land, it is not custom for a woman to bare the contours of her calves or to pose for portraits. I must admit that I am shocked by how boldly this “AJ” gazes upon her viewers. She is like the Sweet and Holy Mother of Our Lord, but inversed, all meekness and God-fearing replaced by a fury and heat to rival that of any hand-logger with a brandy-filled gut. I pity any man who crosses this Child of Lilith. She is a woman who turns bulls to steers.

And, speaking of live-stock: It seems “AJ” has been sectioned and quartered like a fine young shoat! Here, a cartooned dart labels her locks “passionate.” Another points to her elbow, declaring that it “Creates high-functioning teams.” Also, her knee is a “Collaborative leader.” I might go further, but the jest would grow stale.

At first I felt that a candidate so divided would poorly serve her office. However, upon further reflection, it occurs to me that a leader who governs by her elbow, her hair, her knees, etc. has an advantage over her opponents.

The stuffed shirts who head Industry and Government tend to be great proponents of the Brain, that mass of tissue believed (perhaps correctly) by the Ancients to serve only as a cooler of the blood. The Brain, in my mind, is a highly sentimentalized organ. Does a man hew a cedar and construct a winter food-cache with his head? Does a woman suckle her child at a teat growing from her scalp?

It is the greater Body that serves the greater Good. If “AJ” would guide us with the innate talents of her Earthly frame, then so be it. Surely she outshines the “head-strong” milquetoasts Parson and Capelacci. Were I a voting man, I would know where to mark my “X”.

——–

This post was definitely not written by Bryce.

Board of Governors

Let’s get one thing straight here: UBC’s Board of Governors (also known as BoG) is a big fucking deal. If you’re elected, you get to shmooze with the best of UBC administration, go on fancy trips to the Okanagan, and meet important people that are good for networking opportunities post-graduation. PLUS! You even get $5000 and an iPad.

In theory, this is also where students can do the most bestest awesome work. If it’s a Big Issue you may or may not have heard of, it’s been up before the board in the last year. BoG sets policy for the university at the highest levels of administration, i.e. they decide what direction the university is going in and how to get there. Students can have a huge impact on these decisions—or they can have a huge impact on their resume. Ideally, both.

Here are some buzzwords you may have heard: land use. Governance. Summer semester. Just trust us—they’re important, and the BoG reps are the people who represent what “students” think about these things to the super important people.

Lots of the candidates this year have similar platforms and some people think you may just be voting based on personality/popularity or whatever. But look, this one issue has people with different opinions! We called them all up and made them answer on the spot – if housing was to be buildt in Gage South (the area near McInnes Field, which is where the bus loop is now), what percentage should be student housing? Here’s what they had to say, in the world’s ugliest graph thing ever.

BUT ALSO YOU guuuuyyyyyyyyyysssssss. You should probably care a little bit more about this. You should probably read, in full, the interviews Issues That Matter and The Ubyssey did with these candidates. [Ed. note: Really, just pick up the latest issue. It's so pretttyyyyyy] You should probably carefully review their platforms. Or you could skip to the pictures, after the jump.

Tagg tweeted this rough idea of a poster. STRAIGHT UP BALLIN.

Most years, the BoG race is cozy. This year, six super hacks ran, which made our decision that much harder. But internal votes were cast, and we’d like to introduce you to our latest obsession:  Tagg Jefferson.

He’s like a cross between our 2010 Dreamboat Johannes Rebane and our 2011 Dreamboat Sean Heisler. Tagg has been super-involved in niche areas of campus (read: engineering) but has yet to really break into the mainstream hack scene, which we think is a good thing for this position. But he is super researched, smart, and reminds us of a young Sean Heisler – someone who could really grow into this role for a while. He also speaks Japanese. And has won a lot of awards for his super cool invention/business called Dragonfly that tests water or something like that. Future millionaire, snatch this one up.

 And now, for the most experienced candidate: Sean Cregten, king of all Confidential Memes (sorry, Ben). Sean broke onto the hack scene by running as Admiral Ackbar in the AUS Elections and WINNING against REAL candidates. He sat on AMS Council for a bit before becoming the Associate VP Academic, where he worked for two years under Ben & Matt. He knows his shit, he is seriously a force to be reckoned with, and look! look! He made a challenge to the other candidates.

We were going to make 'down under' jokes, but that would have been culturally insensitive to the kiwi here.

P.S. He also wants to give us a WEATHER-PROOFED BUS LOOP, eliminating bad hair days forever.

Other People Running Who Are Not Terrible 

Don’t like our endorsements? That’s cool! Pick one candidate from each category!

[Editor's Note: We had totally pre-judged Sumedha based on just seeing her at one BoG meeting. But after talking to her about Gage South, we kind of want to endorse her too. So if you don't like Tagg, or Sean, or like Sumedha more, then vote for her. She knows what she's doing, is smart, and obviously cares about students.]

Bad Cop: Matt Parson is experienced, hacky and got some serious love from Serious Outgoing BoGger Sean Heisler. We’d go so far as to say that if you don’t vote Sean, you should vote Matt. BUT if elected president, he won’t get to be in the room on governance decisions, and that’s a Big Fucking Deal. Nevertheless, you can still vote for Matt; he’ll just have to be all Sophie’s Choice. Do you really want to hurt him like that?!

Good Cop: Mike Silley, like Matt, is also experienced and hacky, and has an interesting lower-food-costs item on his platform. Sumedha Sharma is running for re-election…we’ve only observed like, one BoG meeting, but she wasn’t exactly enthralling [NB: On BoG, this isn't exactly a bad thing.] But hey, her boyfriend made an album full of memes about her, and she also got the Sean Heisler nod. Justin Yang is awesome, but honestly we just think he is too nice to be on BoG (update: apparently he has claws! You go JYang, you go!) On the other hand, he’s got major academic cred. Total research nerd. Also, a major force on Senate, so who knows?

People Running Who We Don’t Think You Should Vote For

This guy. He sent us this. Okay, yeah, that’s pretty funny.

BUT—we’re sorry—there’s no such thing as “borderline sexism.”  It’s kind of a binary, like pregnancy.** Same goes for homophobic jokes, prolifically using the word “retarded” along with other lewd comments. And no amount of campaigning nor promises to engage with students can make us want to send this guy, who thinks it’s okay to say these sorts of things, into the top student position on campus. Even Tucker Max has kind of outgrown this shit.

**Do not send us links about how pregnancy is not a binary

This post was written by everybody! Everybody voted in our secret internal ballot, and not always in the way you’d think.

Caroline can VP Administrate me ANY DAY

Highlights from her platform: [Editor's note: I’m super mean on this one because I used to be the VP Admin]

• She promises a LEED Platinum Building for the New SUB and engagement with the UBC SEEDs Program. This is already happening regardless. What she should really focus on is ensuring the post-occupancy sustainability of the New SUB.
• She wants to create an online club management system. This is promised every, single year. There’s already a financial system in place. AMS Link, an online system that did exactly that three years ago was taken down because no one used it. The focus then should be on convincing clubs to use a content management system rather than spending money on building something fancy.

Why we like her:

• She has sat on council and numerous committees. She has also acted as the AUS’s VP External and convinced constituency presidents to dye their hair purple (that’s AUSsome).
• She has participated in the lefty Social Justice Centre and may just be the hottest knollie we have ever seen. She’s able to see both sides to an issues and that’s a great trait to have.

Warwick for VPX: He’s Better than Nothing (Trust us, you don’t want another by-election)

His platform (and what we think about it):

• He wants to shift lobbying from federal lobbying to focus more on provincial and municipal topics such as translink (like getting a much-needed rapid transit line to UBC!). While we agree that more should be done provincially, completely disregarding national lobbying initiatives, especially when there is NO actual national strategy on post-secondary education, is probably not the best idea.
• He also wants to be stern and serious when it comes to UPass negotiations. While this is a valiant effort, we’re likely to keep paying more and more for our transit pass.

Why we “like” him:

• Kyle Warwick falls into the category of heavily-partisan-hacks-that-should-graduate-already. He has sat on AMS council for three solid years and ran in the 2011 federal election for the Liberal Party in Skeena, BC (we also have NO CLUE where that is).  He has tons of experience and if he can let go of some of his Liberal Party tendencies, he’ll do a good job.

Tristan Miller for VP Finance, The Job No One Else Knows How to Do, I Don’t Care if You Have a Budget Spreadsheet

His Platform..errr. I mean manifesto?:

• Spend less shit. (Seriously, that’s all I got from his website)

Why we like him:

• Continuing the tradition of dapper, well-dressed gentlemen at the helm of the AMS’s finances, Tristan has a strong understanding of the AMS as the current Vice-Chair of the Financial Commission. And because we only vote based on looks, [ONLY LOOKS. JUST LOOKS, ALL THE TIME. LOOKS AND SPITE] he is an absolute shoo-in (speaking of shoes, he has SO MANY CUTE PAIRS).

KIRAN FOR VP Academic (and University affairs)

This had to be the hardest VP race for us to choose between. Mostly it’s because Carven is all sorts of fabulous and lives and breathes pure, sparkly, radical wonder. But we decided to go with Kiran Mahal. Read on to find out why.

Her platform highlights (and what we think about them):

• She promises to address mental health and wellness. This is an ENORMOUS problem at UBC (otherwise known as the Canadian Centre for Seasonal Affective Disorder), and it would be a true benefit for the student body if the AMS can get UBC to move past “raising awareness” of issues such as suicide and mental health and ACTUALLY create better policy.
• She wants to create an exam database. This has been attempted and failed. Much like a Clubs’ Content Management system, the trick would be to convince the many users to actually remember to post and use the system.

Why we chose her:

• Kiran is a competent, well-spoken and hard-working individual. [Ed. note: nobody said articulate.] She is the current SUS President, worked with AMS Services AND was the President of the Young Women in Business UBC Chapter. While we would like to see her focus a little more on University Affairs such as land use and governance, she already demonstrates a firm vision of what she wants to achieve. With a strong BoG team as University allies, she could kick some major ass on both fronts.

While we all voted on the endorsements, this post written by Ekat, who was VP Admin two years ago. In candidate terms, she’s held executive office, so she’s at the Presidential experience level. In airport lounge terms, Presidential means she gets two free drinks and a newspaper. BONUS!

Think we were wrong? Candidates! Feel free to post below. It’s tough to be judged (even by someone as sparkly as us) and we would love your thoughts if you think we have it all wrong.