After a long weekend of media pukefest*, it’s time to review all the awesome shit that happened over the weekend! (er, since Friday). starting with our golden boy, of course.
1. WHO’DA THUNK IT
Just as we were geared up for a nailbiter of a race between two overinvolved keener candidates, a third, equally overinvolved keener candidate entered the presidential race! Bless you, Ben Cappellacci for a) having the marketing knowhow to make sure you’re the top story on everyone’s pages; and b) giving us all a chance to break out the “HOW DOES CONDORCET WORK AGAIN??” filler story.
2. THE PENALTY BOX
unnnnnnnngh I’ve missed you sooooo muuuuuuuch. Kids, if you’re new to this election, here is the thing: we have rules for this shit. Awesome, pedantic rules. And the Penalty Box on the AMS Elections website tells us every single time someone breaks these rules, e.g. by starting their campaigns too early—seriously, Katherine Tyson, you’ve done this election shtick before, you should know these by now—or other minor screwups. Vindictive, petty, and totally golden. love love love.
3. TOTALLY UNHEARD OF
Aside from the total mind-fuck of meeting people born in 1993 in our day-to-day university life, look at this list of total unknowns running for shit. Total unknowns with awesome names. Barnabas Caro? Montana Hunter (who is so clearly a minor fanfiction character)?
[Editor’s note: OMG finally another reason for Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus references. Oh wait, shit, just Facebook creeped and Montana is in fact a dude. Oh well, it’s still happening.]
Shit, son, if that doesn’t get you excited for politics, I don’t know what will. THEY ARE ALL JUST HACKY BABIES, which ovaries dictate I must find adorable or els—
* OMG YOU GUYS I WAS THERE