To: Emily Leung, ENGL 301 Student
From: Diane Keyes, DK, ENGL 301 Student
Date: December 11, 2019
Subject: Peer Review of the Formal Report ‘Recommendations for Enhancing Collaboration and Communication between Sustainability-related Groups at the University of British Columbia’
Dear Emily,
Thank you for the opportunity to review your recommendation report. It was a pleasure to read and gain some insight into the inner-workings of the sustainability initiatives at UBC!
Below are comments of general feedback followed by specific feedback for each report section which offer some feedback for an already strong report!
Initial Impressions
Clearly and concisely written report that provides the right amount of detail for the reader while still providing a thorough review. The writing flows smoothly between sections and the document is visually well organized. Overall a very strong report!
Organization
- Correct page numbering, however, the page number on the title page can be removed.
- Heads and sub-headings effectively used.
- No gaps in information were identified and report sections flowed smoothly.
Writing Style
- The overall tone remained positive and objective rather than subjective through-out the report.
- Effective use of the you-attitude throughout.
- All passages were easy to follow and placed in correct order.
Design
- The green colour theme was consistent throughout the document, including in headers and figures, adding an aesthetic touch.
- A clear and easy-to-read font (Times New Roman) was used.
- Most graphs are correctly labelled. Check that both the x- and y-axis are labelled and were well-integrated into the report.
- Nice styling choice to place Figure 1 on the right side of the page with text to its left.
Title Page
- Clear layout and descriptive title.
- Primary reader and author are identified.
Table of Contents
- Correct separation of figures from the body of the table of contents.
- Ensure consistent spacing between table of content lines.
Introduction
Background
- The background information provides a clear overview of the matrix of sustainability initiatives at UBC.
- Useful inclusion of the working definition for ‘sustainability groups.’
Description of the Event Conflict Problem
- The three-part description of why overlapping events are undesirable is useful and well written.
Purpose and Significance
- The purpose and value of the report in discerning avenues for increasing collaboration and communication between sustainability groups regarding events. for USI and the different UBC sustainability initiatives are clearly stated.
Methodology
- Slight grammatical adjustment to the sentence ‘One of USI’s priorities is to enhance sustainability themes into student engagement activities through partnership with campus groups.’ Re-write ‘into’ as ‘in’.
- Nice inclusion of the survey in an appendix.
- Writing ‘35 groups’ calendar’ as ‘the 35 sustainability group calendars’ makes it clearer that it is these groups and not other groups being analyzed.
- Also consider changing the word ‘administered’ to ‘conducted’ as it works with both the words ‘survey’ and ‘research’.
Limitations of the Study
- Smart decision to us secondary sources to account for the lower number of survey responses!
- Make the paragraph spacing in this section congruent with spacing in other sections.
- The interview questions might not be necessary to include in an appendix since they were not used.
Scope of the Inquiry
- The choice to use bullet points works very well in this section to clearly present the six areas of inquiry.
Conclusion of the Inquiry
- Strong concluding statement; it highlights the problem of disconnection between sustainably groups and their event planning and assures the reader easy-to-implement solutions will be proposed. It leaves the reader with an understanding of what is coming next.
Data Section
Introduction
- In the first part of the report, numbers were written (for example, ‘2’ was written ‘two’) however this section uses the numerical number (‘2’). Consider choosing one style and ensuring it is used consistently throughout the document.
- Also maintain consistency in using past or present tense. For example, it was written that ‘6 groups responded…’ and then ‘the respondents range from…’.
Existing Challenges
- It is unclear where the data came from for Figure 1; was it a survey or secondary research?
- Include a description for the x-axis for Figure 2.
Frequency and Prevalence of Scheduling Conflicts
- Nice choice of a pie graph for Figure 3 since there were only two responses available (yes or no).
- It was valuable to note the largest drawback of the problem of overlapping events was lowered attendance.
- Including the year (2019) when you write ‘week November 11 to November 15’ can help readers in the future who might want to know which year this data was from.
- The table was an effective choice of format to display the scheduling overlap!
- Keep plural consistent as in ‘reaching out to groups’ instead of ‘group’ and ‘opportunities’ instead of ‘opportunity’.
- Clear recommendation of provided at the end of the section.
Benefit of Inter-Club Collaboration
- Figure 4 is slightly unnecessary since it was only two responses and it was unanimously answered.
- Helpful identification of the support SJC could offer since they are an Alma Mater Society Resource Group.
- Consider stating the actual ration (for example 1 out of 4) instead of the percentage (25%) since the number of respondents is low.
- The information in this section was objectively presented, not indicating writer bias.
Methods for Enhancing Collaboration and Communication
- Some words in the bullet list need capitalization.
- Appropriate criteria was developed; appears to take the needs of the sustainability groups into consideration!
- The table effectively presents the options and their advantages.
Conclusion
- Conclusion demonstrates the need for an effective solution.
- Slightly more detail could be added to the conclusion, summarizing the main findings in case the reader does not want to read the whole report.
Recommendations
- Clearly state the needs and implications for the USI, which is important for the target audience to know.
- Recommendations are clearly and concisely outlined and effectively organized with bullet points.
Concluding Remarks
The report would benefit from attention to:
- Present versus future tense.
- Appropriate use of the plural versus singular.
- Spacing (between words and paragraphs).
- Adding a little more information to the conclusion.
Overall, a very strong and clearly written report that has developed a set of recommendations that indeed seem easy to implement and cost-effective! I am sure the USI and the other sustainability groups will benefit from these findings!
Thank you again for the opportunity to peer-edit each other’s work for this assignment, Emily! If you have any questions, please feel free to reach out: diane.keyes@live.com.
Link to Emily Leung’s Formal Report Draft: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2019wa/2019/12/05/lesson-3-2-draft-formal-report/
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