4.1 Peer Review of Diane’s Application Package Draft


To: Team BEAD, English 301 Writing Group

From: Brian Wang, ENGL 301 Student

Date: December 12, 2019

Subject: Peer Reviewed Diane’s Job Application Package

Dear Diane,

Thank you for sharing your application package with me and below are some of my thoughts. My overall impression is that you have clearly demonstrated your strengths. As the application stated “personality counts more than your grade point average!”, I definitely felt your personality coming through the pages. I do feel however the cover letter can be further developed to showcase your takeaways from your past experience. Overall great job Diane and I wish you best of luck! I have included below specific comments for each section of your job application package and also overall comments regarding your language and organization.

Job Posting

Thorough background information about the graduate program presented. Specific deadline and supplementary information is included. Citation is correct.

Cover Letter 

  • Clear statement of intention followed with a personal touch of consulting with current/previous graduate student of the professor.
  • Great explanation of your past work history as program designer, facilitator and showcasing your previous research while showing aspiration to further develop your skill through the program.
  • However, I would suggest being more specific with which medical clinic you worked with and also communicate specific and relevant achievements you found. I am personally more used to cover letters limited to one page so I would suggest take out a paragraph of past work experience. In my opinion I think the paragraph on medical assistant can be shortened.
  • I would also include phrases like “Thank you for your consideration, ” in the concluding sentence.
  • In the concluding paragraph I would also change the language from “Should my experience and academic aspirations align with the direction of your program, I can be reached” to a sentence that employs a YOU attitude, showing what you can bring to the research group. Such as “I look forward to continuously hone my skill and academic aspirations through constructively contribute and to be actively involved in your research group/masters program.”.


  • Included all relevant information such as contact information, education, research specific accomplishments and experience.
  • Great job in displaying your relevant experience specifically in research.
  • Good use of numbers to showcase the scale of your facilitated programs.
  • Overall great structure, descriptive language while being concise and consistent. Great job!

Reference Letter Request

  • Simple, concise and to the point while being polite and respective.
  • enclosed all relevant information for the position and your resume to provide content for the reference letter. Very considerate.


Great organization throughout the package. I am very impressed with the content as it is conveyed clearly.

Grammar, style and tone 

Overall easy to understand, striked the balance between descriptive and being concise. Great job, I do have specific comments regarding the cover letter. Please see blow:

(Cover letter – Paragraph 1) clarity: “After consulting with ……”

(Cover letter – Paragraph 4) comma: “Working in teams has been the norm in my work, delivering”

Overall Comments 

Overall I am very impressed by your past achievements and academic aspiration. I hope the best for you and wishing you best of luck in any of your future endeavours. I hope you find my feedback helpful and if you have any questions please let me know by email (brian.wang@alumni.ubc.ca). Also please keep me updated, whenever you need a second opinion feel free to reach out!

Warmest regards from Brian.


URL to Diane’s Job application post: http://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2019wa/2019/12/12/4-1-application-package-first-draft/


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