Having a child

=><= <img src=https://media.tenor.com/Prsb5xSwfQYAAAAM/claire-dancing.gif> ''Welcome to your worst nightmare..'' <== Just kidding, you're just trying to put a kid to sleep, how hard can it be. This is a satirical take on trying to get a toddler to sleep while following even a glimpse of a routine. So you can sleep and not be cranky. When you have made your decision on each page, you can click on the PINK text. [[Let's begin]] [[Wait, no..... I don't want to do this.]] **Disclaimer - this is meant to be funny. Putting a toddler to bed is impossible and there is no advice I can give you to help, SORRY HA.

So, it's 6:45pm and you know bath time is supposed to start any minute. You child is playing soooo cute with their toys and you aren't sure if you want to interupt them. Since they are playing, you could get the dishes done now instead of when they go to sleep...... [[DO THE DANG DISHES.]] [[Nope, it's bath time people, let's go.->Commence to the bath.]] =><= <img src=https://media.tenor.com/ED-FjaZEvdAAAAAC/hurry-up-judge-judy.gif>

''HAAAA, too bad. (text-style: "fade-in-out")[You have to.]'' [[Okay, fine.]] =><= <img src=https://media.tenor.com/86kOL5By7qIAAAAC/laugh-laughing.gif>

Good for you. You got a couple minutes to yourself. Now you're going to go do the dishes. But I mean....... you could sit and relax for a second. [[DO THE DISHES.]] [[Sit down and scroll through your phone, you know you want to.]] =><= <img src=https://media.tenor.com/G4J8wrCM7kUAAAAC/decisions-homer-simpson.gif>

Oh no....... it's been half hour..... do you risk it and do bath late??? Do you just put them to bed?! Don't panic........ don't...... =><= <img src=https://media.tenor.com/usJWOH6xzPkAAAAC/kim-kardashian-bored.gif> <== [[Put them to bed without a bath.]] [[Do bath and be late to bed.]]

Look at you go, you're so responsible. You rock. You did it. A plus, 10000 stars for you. You get the dishes done and now it's bath time. [[Commence to the bath.]] =><= <img src=https://media.tenor.com/oSPG9KBluzEAAAAC/rupaul-dragrace.gif>

You should just start over now. Let's be real. [[Go back to the beginning->Untitled Passage]] =><= <img src=https://media.tenor.com/_3VsdTd9KrcAAAAM/noo-tantrums.gif>

Ohhhh sweet glorious bath time. The water is just the perfect temperature, you get your child in the bath, you sit on the little stool thing beside the bath tub that hurts your back but is better than kneeling. All is fabulous. Then, your child starts to pee in the bath. What do you do? [[Pull that little child out of the bath and plop them on the toilet.]] [[Meh, they're all wet, let them live their best life in their pee]]

Oh no, your child is pissed because they're freezing. And now bath time is over. Do you want to make a different decision?....... [[Hell yes, go back, LET ME TRY AGAIN->Commence to the bath.]] [[Nope, were in the thick of it now.]] =><= <img src=https://media.tenor.com/LX1reyWcd8EAAAAC/oopsies-ohno.gif>

Yay, pee water. I love when toddlers drink pee water, because you know they will. But I mean... who cares. They also eat dirt and lick the floor so. Your child is ready to dry off and asks to be taken out of the bath, so cute. You wrap them up little a little burrito, adorable. [[Time for jammies]] [[Time to play for a bit longer]] =><= <img src=https://media.tenor.com/Yv8UFk-908QAAAAC/cat-funny.gif>

Good for you. You are a better parent than I am. Woulda just let them pee in the bath, HA. You convince them that the warm bath looks soooooo nice, and they decide to go back in. Crisis averted. They play and play. Once done in the bath, it's time for jammies! [[Go you! You're killing this parenting thing!->Time for jammies]] =><= <img scr=https://media.tenor.com/kfdm3wc-Bc8AAAAM/viralhog-kids.gif>

Ohhhhh glorious pajamas. How I long for sweatpants every day, all day, and to crawl into my sweet sweet bed and lay...... But no. That is not reality. Okay, jammies. [[Dino jammies?]] [[Rainbow jammies?]] =><= <img src=https://media.tenor.com/q1X5axi2hZYAAAAC/lunch-dance.gif>

Oh hell no you did NOT. It is bed time a-hole, put that child in jammies. [[Okay, fine. Take me back.->Meh, they're all wet, let them live their best life in their pee]] =><= <img src=https://media.tenor.com/sq28CtEffcEAAAAd/bluey-tired.gif>

Yay, jammies! Now your kid is CLEAN, IN JAMMIES, AND READY FOR BED. Look at you go. Do you..... read a book? Rock? Sing? [[Read a book.]] [[Rock & Sing.]] =><= <img src=https://media.tenor.com/t_72m0gNIKkAAAAC/baby-read.gif>

Time for a story. Your kid is currently obsessed with this stupid pop book. It is soooooo fun....... and soooooooooo annoying, but honestly.... so entertaining and worth it. <a href="https://www.amazon.ca/Melissa-Doug-Childrens-Book-Poke/dp/B0896FHGJH/ref=sr_1_2_sspa?crid=2AQII90H61E37&keywords=poke+a+dot+book&qid=1676167361&sprefix=poke+a+dot+book%2Caps%2C157&sr=8-2-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEzNzZSVVdKUVpKSFVCJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwMDgxOTE0M0laMENGSkJJVUNMMSZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUExMDE3Njk1MlQ5TDhZRUNYTFFGRiZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX2F0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU="; target="_blank">Click here if you're a parent and want this stupid book</a> Here we are, living our best lives. After the book is read 20 times, you kid wants you to rock and sing HAHA. You thought you avoided this... but you didn't. [[Rock & Sing.]] =><= <img src=https://media.tenor.com/De6M1HsMZSEAAAAC/mariah-carey.gif>

Now comes the hardest decision of the night. Do you sing a song from the people version of Cinderella, do you sing a song from Frozen, or do you go classic and sing you are my sunshine. You can hear what the first 2 songs sound like here if you'd like. If you don't know you are my sunshine I can't help you at this point. 1. <a href="https://open.spotify.com/track/5NCiTuYKMKUZejhGKeZB1b"; target="_blank">A lovely night - From Brandy's Cinderella</a> K but side note, if you have NOT seen this movie. You need to. Now. Here is the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOKDuFW6XFo"; target="_blank">Trailer</a> YOU'RE WELCOME. 2. <a href="https://open.spotify.com/search/frozen%202"_blank">All is found - From Frozen 2</a> Okay. You've chosen which song you want to sing (if you haven't, just pick one randomly... most likely your toddler won't care or appreciate your singing efforts anyways): [[Cinderella->bed time]] [[Frozen->bed time]] [[You are my sunshine->bed time]]

As you sing to them, the little angel falls asleep and you rock and rock and wish they were awake because you already miss them. Being a parent is so confusing. You slowly get into your comfy clothes, snuggle into bed, and close your eyes. Sweet, sweet, glorious sleep is yours. [[Until.....]] <img src=https://media.tenor.com/k5694TmXRLEAAAAd/bluey-bluey-bingo.gif>

They wake you up at 2am by coming to the side of your bed and stare at you until you wake up. =><= (text-style: "expand")[SEE YAH IN THE MORN.] (text-style: "blur")[If you don't sleep is it morning or night...] <== Putting a toddler to sleep is an every man for himself situation. BYE! =><= <img src=https://media.tenor.com/wMw-ZoLTI2oAAAAC/playing-wake-up.gif> <== **Disclaimer reminder - this is meant to be funny. Putting a toddler to bed is impossible and there is no advice I can give you to help, SORRY HA.

You should just start over now. Let's be real. Sorry. [[Go back to the beginning->Untitled Passage]] =><= <img src=https://media.tenor.com/UKBofAtetJkAAAAC/dead-bye.gif>

[[Let's begin]] ~~Wait, no..... I don't want to do this.~~ Sorry not sorry. =><= <img src=https://media.tenor.com/Prsb5xSwfQYAAAAM/claire-dancing.gif>

Your kid doesn't want these and loses their mind when you try to put them on. =><= <img src=https://media.tenor.com/ZWJdyn1mRSoAAAAM/smile-cute.gif> <== WHY! GOD DAMN IT! FINE! [[Take me back to the jammie options.->time for jammies]]

Ohhhhh glorious pajamas. How I long for sweatpants every day, all day, and to crawl into my sweet sweet bed and lay...... But no. That is not reality. Okay, jammies. [[Dino jammies?]] ~~Rainbow jammies?~~ Don't pick this again, come on. =><= <img src=https://media.tenor.com/q1X5axi2hZYAAAAC/lunch-dance.gif>