introduction

Students conducted the last peer review on the most important assignment, the Formal Report. I found this peer review to be the most helpful because there was so much to include for the formal report. It was important to get some help to ensure that all components were properly composed and the report was on the right track.

peer review of formal report

To: Jordan Zhao, ENGL 301 Student Writer
From: Johnathan Tam, ENGL 301 Student Reviewer
Date: November 19, 2021
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Draft

Peer Review/ Formal Report Draft: Assessment of Student Ridership Efficiency on the Bus Route 49 to UBC, as part of TransLink Metro Vancouver

Thank you for submitting the draft of your formal report “Assessment of Student Ridership Efficiency on the Bus Route 49 to UBC, as part of TransLink Metro Vancouver.” The formal report draft is well-organized and demonstrates an extensive amount of research done on this topic. The issue is also presented very thoroughly with a clear list of proposed solutions. Please see below for some suggestions for improvement when writing the final report.

First Impressions:

From a first glance, the formal report draft is very well-written and effectively illustrates the issue of ridership inefficiency and bus delays.

• A major strength of this repot draft is the data presented. There are a wide variety of data figures and survey findings to validate the issue of ridership inefficiency.
• One overall area of improvement is to include in-text references in MLA style to secondary sources, either via paraphrasing or a direct quote. This helps connect the claims in the report to past research and further supports the points presented.

Introduction:

The introduction provides a strong overview for the rest of the report by starting off with background information on the TransLink company and presenting the topic shortly after.

• This section does a fantastic job in connecting the relevance of UBC students to TransLink.
  • It was very eye-opening to read the statistics on how many students live off-campus and rely on public transportation to reach UBC.
• The purpose of this report is clearly outlined, and it connects the issue of ridership inefficiency on the bus route 49 to the intended reader of the report, President and General Manager of TransLink, who manages that route.
• Including some background information about COVID-19, or a definition technique from the definitions assignment, would be helpful for further clarification.
  • Currently, COVID-19 is stated in the introduction without any further explanations.
• Providing some further explanations of how COVID-19 affects riders.
  • “With current COVID-19 complications”
    • What are the current COVID-19 complications and how does it affect bus riders?
• Research methods such as surveys and interviews are properly introduced in this section.

Data Section:

There is a substantial amount of data provided here that helps to further emphasize the problem and support the proposed solutions. The data is also very well-presented and logically laid out.

• All figures are properly designed with a caption underneath and a figure heading at the top.
• Include the sample size for the people surveyed and interviewed. This will help readers draw further conclusions and aid in comprehension of the report.
• Provide the list of questions that were used in the surveys and interviews. This will give more background information for the readers to help them understand what respondents were being asked.

Conclusion:

The conclusion is located properly after the problem and data are presented. There are also sections properly included here for a summary of the findings and interpretations.

• It is evident that there is a need to improve the efficiency of the bus route 49 to UBC.
• A list of conclusions and recommendations is appropriately included in this section.
• Further analyze the list of recommendations to demonstrate that consideration has been placed on both sides of the argument.
  • i.e. What are some possible limitations to the recommendations suggested?

Bibliography:

There is a works cited list arranged at the end of the formal report.

• Consider using a few more secondary sources in a formal report to back up your claims.
  • Only two secondary sources listed here.
• Ensure all sources are placed in the MLA citation style.
  • The third citation is listed as a link only.

Organization:

The order for the formal report draft follows a logical format and it is clear and effective at all points. It starts off with an introduction with background information, establishes the issue surrounding bus route 49 to the intended reader, and then proposes a solution to resolve this.

• The content is well-organized into different sections with bolded headings.
  • There are also underlined subheadings which help to reduce the size of paragraphs and allow for ease of reading.
• The report draft is well paginated with page numbers on the top right-hand corner and it starts from the introduction.

Style:

While this topic is important to UBC students like yourself, the report does a great job maintaining an objective tone. It properly reflects the you-attitude learned throughout this course and employs a positive tone through-out.

• The introduction also considers the target audience as it highlights the vast amount of UBC students that take buses managed by TransLink.

Design:

As stated in the data section, the graphics are well-designed, effectively labelled, and informative. The graphics are also colorful and very engaging.

• Consider changing the font size to a standard size 12 font. The current report draft is written in size 11 which can be a bit difficult to view for some readers.

Final Thoughts:

This formal report draft is well-organized, detailed, and enjoyable to read. By keeping the following points in mind, the final formal report will be an excellent document:

• Increase font size to 12 for ease of reading
• Include background information on the COVID-19 pandemic
• Explain how the COVID-19 pandemic is affecting bus ridership
• Provide the sample size of people surveyed and interviewed
• Add the list of questions used in the survey and interviews in the data section
• Include a few more secondary sources and ensure it is all properly citated in MLA style

It was a pleasure to review this assignment. Please do not hesitate to ask any questions.

Best,

Johnathan Tam

introduction

Following the email memo to Evan Crisp, students were given another opportunity to utilize the writing with you-attitude by creating emails in the setting of a conflict resolution. We were tasked with writing two different types of emails in a professional manner – one in the form of a complaint, from the perspective of a customer, and another in the form of a response, from the perspective of a manger aiming to resolve the conflict.

complaint letter + Response letter

Letter #1: Complaint Letter

Johnathan Tam
123 XYZ Road
Vancouver, BC 123 XYZ
Telephone: (604)-123-4567
tamjohn@student.ubc.ca

November 12, 2021
FedEx Ship Centre
3151 Aylmer Road
Richmond, BC V7B 1L5
Telephone: 1-(800)-463-3339

Dear FedEx Management,

I am writing due to a recent unsatisfactory experience with a delivery managed by your company. My chief complaint is that a delivery was not attempted by your drivers. Furthermore, the FedEx team’s response to the delay was unprofessional and exhibited a lack of care.

On October 15^th, 2021, I purchased a duffel bag from SportChek and was told it would arrive within 5 business days (end of day October 22^nd) via FedEx. I provided my shipping information, including a buzzer number for my condo, and was given a tracking order for my purchase (FX123456789101112).  Unfortunately, by October 26^th, my order had still not arrived and there was also no update on the tracking number. I was a bit worried that my order was lost but I remained patient as I know orders can be delayed at times. It was what happened next that was disappointing and showed a lack of professionalism from the FedEx team.

To my surprise, on October 28^th, I returned to my condo with a note on the lobby door saying that FedEx had tried to contact me but failed so now I had to go in-person to pick-up the package. This was extremely shocking to me because my buzzer number is connected to my phone; yet, my phone never rang that day. I had even left my phone number on the delivery details to provide further options for the delivery. To make matters worse, when I called the customer service to voice my dissatisfaction with the driver not attempting a delivery, the representative was apathetic and simply stated “nothing can be done.”

I was very understanding when the order was delayed because I know circumstances can arise that are beyond our control. However, I find the FedEx team’s response, from the driver who did not attempt a delivery to the customer service representative who showed a complete lack of interest in my concerns, to be unacceptable. It is the duty of the driver to contact the recipient using the options available and only leave the pick-up notice when they have exhausted all options. The customer service representative should also show more care when handling these issues and offer some solutions rather than say “nothing can be done.”

As the FedEx pickup location is quite far from my home and inconvenient to access, I would hope that FedEx can arrange for another delivery attempt to be made. I hope that you are able to assist me in resolving this issue.

Thank you,
Johnathan

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Letter #2 – Bad News Adjustment Letter

John Doe, FedEx Branch Manager
FedEx Richmond Ship Centre
3151 Aylmer Rd
Richmond, BC V7B 1L5

November 15, 2021

Johnathan Tam
123 XYZ Road
Vancouver, BC 123 XYZ
Telephone: (604)-123-4567
tamjohn@student.ubc.ca

Dear Mr. Johnathan Tam,

I hope this email finds you well.

I wanted to offer my sincere apologies for your most recent experience with our delivery service. At FedEx, we pride ourselves for our on-time deliveries and customer satisfaction. Clearly, we have not lived up to our promises in this instance and I take full responsibility for all the inconvenience caused.

I will be speaking personally to our delivery and customer service team about this instance. Please rest assured that we will improve to ensure that our drivers attempt deliveries at condominiums and that our customer service team should be more understanding. I promise that we will improve in both these aspects. In addition, I will work with our delivery team to ensure that the package is properly delivered to your residence this time. Please give us 1-3 business days to arrange this additional delivery and I promise that our driver will attempt a delivery this time.

Thank you for reaching out and bringing this matter to my attention. I hope that you will continue to trust FedEx as a delivery service in the future. We aim to bring quality delivery service to all our customers. If you have any additional questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to contact me again.

Warm regards,

John Doe
Manager FedEx Richmond Ship Centre

introduction

The goal of this assignment was to give advice to a fake student, Evan Crisp, who had written an email to his professor but had not received a response. From this assignment, students learned how to properly draft emails for professional settings (I.e. academic and/or career) and how to properly write with a “You Attitude.” By critiquing a fake email and providing direct advice, I was able to learn how to properly utilize these techniques, which I can implement in my future career.

memo to evan crisp

To: Evan Crisp, UBC Undergraduate Student
From: Johnathan Tam, UBC ENGL 301 Technical Writing Student
Date: November 8, 2021
Subject: Best Practices for Writing Effective Emails

Introduction

Thank you for reaching out to the UBC ENGL 301 students for advice on writing effective emails. As requested, I have reviewed the original email requesting placement in a course that is full. Please see below for a list of suggestions that will help in future correspondences with professors to receive a swift response.

List Of Suggestions

Emails following these guidelines are the most effective:

• Corresponding with a professional email. If the email is recognizable to the professor and looks professional, they will be assured that it is not spam and be more likely to read the email.
• Including a subject line in the email will help professors understand the objective of the email quickly. This can be very beneficial as they will realize the urgency and can respond appropriately.
• Addressing the professor by their appropriate title, such as “Professor”, along with a salutation in the first line to establish a respectful tone and maintain professionalism.
• Introduce yourself to the professor to establish a connection and help them understand the purpose of this email.
• Ensuring to specify relevant details to the course in question such as the course name, section title, and time. Professors often teach many courses with an abundance of students registered in each course, so it is important to be as specific as possible to save them time from doing background research.
• Avoiding usage of the pronoun “you” and imperative verbs. By avoiding these two commonly used aspects, the email will create a friendly yet professional tone that leaves a positive impression on the Professor.
• Catering the email by explaining the reason for wanting to join the course and outlining a potential future career that could result from this course. A proper explanation of the interest will increase the chance of success as the Professor will have a better understanding of your reasoning and future goals.
• Double-checking the email for grammatical errors and typos. Careless errors in the email can exhibit unprofessionalism and a lack of interest as there was not an appropriate amount of time dedicated to drafting the email.
• Expressing gratitude for the Professor’s time and understanding if they are unable to help. As indicated above, professors have very busy schedules and may not have control over administrative aspects. It is important to be thankful for their time and considerate if nothing can be done. This will also leave a good impression for any future correspondences.
• Ending the email professionally with a proper closure phrase such as “Sincerely,” “Warm Regards,” or “Thank you.” Avoid using colloquial phrases such as “P.S.” or “Later.”

Conclusion

Emails have become a crucial part of communication in society. Learning how to write effective emails takes time, but it is undoubtedly an invaluable skill worth acquiring. Not only will applying the above best practices help in communications with professors at school, but it will also help in future correspondences with bosses and co-workers at workplace settings. Taking the time and effort now to master this skill will pay dividends in the future. If you have any further questions about this, please do not hesitate to contact me at tamjohn@ubc.student.ca.

introduction

This assignment provided a great opportunity to conduct background research on a professional networking site, LinkedIn. Students were tasked with finding the best practices for utilizing a LinkedIn account to further their growth in their desired career path. From my perspective, this assignment was a great learning opportunity as I was given the opportunity to learn about LinkedIn and start mapping out the best ways to utilize LinkedIn.

linkedin best practices

To: Danisa Rambing, Jordan Zhao, Morgan Lorenz, Team Twirling Gold ENGL 301 Writing Team
From: Johnathan Tam, Team Twirling Gold ENGL 301 Writing Team Member
Date: October 22, 2021
Subject: LinkedIn Best Practices

As part of the requirements for assignment 2:2, I have conducted research on best practices for using LinkedIn as a professional networking site. Please find below a summary of 10 best practices to consider using in a LinkedIn profile:

1. Include a high-quality headshot as the profile picture to make the page appear more professional and capture a potential employer’s interest.
2. Complete the entire profile and ensure all vital details such as work experience, projects, and volunteer experience are up to date.
3. Utilize keywords that are relevant to the interested industry. This will enable the profile to appear more often in search results.
4. Proof-read to ensure there are no spelling and grammatical errors. This demonstrates professionalism and detail-orientation to potential employers.
5. Design a personalized profile URL to remove unnecessary symbols, numbers, and letters.
6. Participate in industry-specific groups to network with other professionals and exchange knowledge.
7. Collect recommendations and endorsement on skills to establish authenticity and stand out from others.
8. Create a personalized connect invitation to be more engaging and increase the likelihood of the recipient accepting.
9. Post quality content to cultivate more influence, drive traffic flow, and acquire new followers.
10. Consistently engage with others by liking and commenting on posts.

In conclusion, LinkedIn can be a very powerful tool to network with other professionals and showcase your achievements and experience. It is my hope that the ten best practices above can help you create a LinkedIn profile that attracts the attention of prospective employers. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

Works Cited

“How To Use Linkedin Effectively: Getting The Best From The World’s Biggest Networking Site”. Mindtools.Com, https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/linkedin.htm

Kim, Larry. “22 Great Tips for Enhancing Your LinkedIn Profile.” Medium, 20 Feb. 2018, https://medium.com/marketing-and-entrepreneurship/22-great-tips-for-enhancing-your-linkedin-profile-c72e5b2a8cbc

Shore, Jennifer. “17 LinkedIn Marketing Best Practices“. Smartbugmedia.Com, 16 Jan. 2020  https://www.smartbugmedia.com/blog/17-linkedin-marketing-best-practices

“Twelve Ways To Optimize Your Linkedin Profile For Job Search”. Undercover Recruiter, 2011, https://theundercoverrecruiter.com/how-optimize-your-linkedin-profile-job-search/

introduction

As part of the data collection for the formal report, students were tasked with creating an ethically-approved survey that included a sufficient introduction to convey what the survey would be used for.  This survey needed to be approved by the instructor before being distributed to the target audience. My survey was created for residents in my condominium and the introduction and questions can be found below:

survey

I am an undergraduate student at UBC engaged in a technical writing project. The purpose of this survey is to obtain primary data for an analysis and investigation that aims to provide recommendations for increasing security measures at our condominium. Together with research conducted on the costs and available strata budget, the data I gather from this survey will serve the ultimate purpose of providing recommendations for increasing security measures to reduce property crimes in the condominium. The survey contains 7 multiple-choice questions, and it should take about 5-10 minutes of your time. Your responses are voluntary and anonymous. Thank you, I appreciate your generous participation in my survey.

Residents Survey Questions

1. Are you aware of the recent occurrences of property crimes (i.e., breaking and entering, theft etc.) around the condominium?
   1. Yes
   2. No

2. Have you ever been directly affected, or do you know someone who was a victim from a property crime in the condominium?
   1. Yes
   2. No
   3. If yes, please provide some details below as to what happened:

3. On a scale of 1 (not concerned) -10 (very concerned), how concerned are you about property crime in the condominium?
   1. 1
   2. 2
   3. 3
   4. 4
   5. 5
   6. 6
   7. 7
   8. 8
   9. 9
   10. 10

4. On a scale of 1 (not safe) – 10 (very safe), how would you rank the condominium’s current security measures?
   1. 1
   2. 2
   3. 3
   4. 4
   5. 5
   6. 6
   7. 7
   8. 8
   9. 9
   10. 10

5. In general, do you feel that security measures around the condominium should be increased?
   1. Yes
   2. No
   3. Whether you answered yes or no, please explain below:

6. Would you feel more secure if more security cameras were installed in key areas (like the courtyard and mailroom) and security guard patrols were increased?
   1. Yes
   2. No
   3. Whether you answered yes or no, please explain below:

7. If needed, how much more money would you feel comfortable paying in your strata fee to fund the increased security measures?
   1. $0
   2. $0-25
   3. $25-50
   4. $50-100

introduction

Once the formal report proposal was approved, students created an outline for the formal report and a progress report. For me, these two additional assignments were invaluable because they ensured that I had clearly outlined a plan and was maintaining deadlines, rather than completing everything at the last minute. Because of this, I was able to devote an appropriate amount of time at each step and create a competent formal report.

progress report

To: Dr. Erika Paterson, Instructor ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC
From: Johnathan Tam, Student ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC
Date: Oct 29, 2021
Subject: ENGL 301 Progress Report on Formal Report

Thank you for approving my formal report proposal on determining the feasibility of increasing security measures at my condominium. As outlined in Lesson 2:3, I have created a progress report on my formal report which outlines the intended audience, purpose, significance, research plan, and writing schedule. In addition, please find attached links to my formal report outline and the introduction + survey questions to be used for data collection.

Intended Audience:

• Jason Chen, President of the Strata Council
  • As the President, Jason is responsible for the daily execution of the strata and the smooth operation of the community.
• Mary Chen, Strata Agent from Rancho Management Services
  • As the Strata Agent, Mary Chen works  alongside Jason in the operation of the strata and to maintain the wellbeing of the community.
• As Jason Chen is the President of the Strata Council and Mary is the Strata Agent from Rancho Management, I believe they can bring attention of security issues to the Strata Council and Rancho Management Services, and ultimately sign off on final decisions to increase security measures.

Purpose of Report:

• To bring attention to security concerns around the condominium.
• To investigate the feasibility of increasing security measures by installing security cameras in key areas and hiring a third-party security team to patrol the building grounds.

Significance of Report:

• To decrease crime in the condominium
• To increase a sense of security for residents in the condominium

Research Plan:

• Identify the Problem
  • Issue: Increased rate of property crimes in condominium
  • Proposed Solution: Increase security measures via installation of security cameras and regular patrols from third-party security team
• Primary Data Sources
  • Compose a survey with an ethical introduction for data collection
    • Once approved, distribute the survey to residents in condominium
  • Investigate current strata budget and security measures
  • Investigate security measures in other condominiums
  • Assess costs and barriers of proposed solution
    • Model type, amount, and installation costs of security cameras
    • Reputable company and costs associated with third-party security team
• Secondary Research Plans
  • Study literature on time frames when property crimes occur the most and effectiveness of security cameras + security patrols
  • Study literature on other solutions to reduce property crime in condominiums
• Data Cleaning
  • After collecting sufficient data from surveys, compile everything into an excel spreadsheet

Formal Report Outline

• Attached is the link to the Formal Report Outline:
  https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2021wa/2021/10/29/assignment-23-formal-report-outline-5/

Writing Schedule:

• November 1^st – 5^th: Upon instructor approval, distribute survey among residents of condominium
• November 5^th – 8^th: Conduct investigations for primary data outlined above and study literature
• November 9^th – 10^th: Compile data from survey
• November 11^th – 15^th: Write Formal Report Draft
• November 16^th: Submission of Formal Report Draft
• November 20^th – 25^th: Review and Edit Formal Report based on Peer Review
• November 26^th: Final Submission of Formal Report

Thank you in advance for your time. Please feel free to email me if you have any questions or feedback about my work.

Enclosure: Survey for residents of condominium regarding security measures

introduction:

In preparation for the formal report, students first created a short proposal which included an introduction to the problem, the organization involved, and a proposed solution to resolve this issue. This proposal gave students the opportunity to brainstorm potential ideas, research methods, and develop a plan to address the issues. Before proceeding forward with formal report, the proposal was first approved by Professor Erika Paterson to ensure that we were on the right track. I chose to write my assignment based upon insufficient security measures in my condominium.

formal report proposal:

To: Dr. Erika Paterson, Instructor ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC
From: Johnathan Tam, Student ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC
Date: Oct 25, 2021
Subject: Proposal for Determining the Feasibility of Increasing Security Measures at Local Condominium

Introduction

A surprising and unknown fact to many is that burglary is the most common threat to households. Home invasions are rarely planned in advance but can take place in less than 10 minutes. In Canada, there are an average of 161,000 home burglaries per year.

Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, crime rates have spiked upwards and property crimes followed this same trend. Shortly after the pandemic hit Canada in around March 2020, there was an increase of about 15% in residential breaking and entering incidents, compared to the previous year. For my own condominium building, in the past two months, there were 3 reported incidents of robberies and breaking and entering. This rise in residential crime at my condominium is very concerning and if it continues, will lead to increased danger for all residents in the strata lot.

Intended Reader

The intended reader for my report will be the condominium’s strata council and Rancho Property Management, the management service for our strata. These two entities work together to maintain the wellbeing of the community, make decisions to allow the strata corporation to operate smoothly, and ensure everyone is complying with the bylaws. As a resident in the building, I can voice my concerns to these groups, and they will act to make changes as needed.

Statement of Problem

One of the most common targets for burglars are condominiums, especially for ground-floor units where the foot traffic is high from the streets. There are also instances where burglars are accidentally let into the lobby, unbeknownst to residents who think they are simply holding the door open for a fellow resident in the building.

As outlined above, there have been 3 reported incidents of crime in the past two month: 1) theft from breaking and entering the mail/package room in the lobby; 2) breaking, entering, and attempted robbery of a ground floor unit; and 3) theft from breaking and entering a storage locker. Unfortunately, in all 3 cases, the culprits were never found, and no significant changes were made to deter other burglars. Being proactive is key to ensuring the safety of all residents so it is crucial that security measures are increased to prevent future crimes.

Proposed Solution

One possible solution to increase security measures is to install more security cameras around the condominium. Currently, we are lacking any type of security cameras in key areas such as the mail/package room and the large ground-floor courtyard which can be easily accessed by non-residents.

Another possible solution is to increase security patrols during times when crime has occurred the most in the condominium.

Scope

To assess the feasibility of improving security measures in the condominium, I plan to pursue seven areas of inquiry:

1. How worried are residents about the increased incidents of crime in the condominium?
2. What are the most common time frames in which crime has occurred in the condominium?
3. Are there any common aspects between all the crimes that have taken place in the condominium in the past 3 years?
4. What are some security measures that are in place for other condominiums?
5. What is our current budget in term of security measure?
6. How much money can we afford to spend from our strata pool?
7. What are the costs associated with implementing more security cameras and increasing patrol from security guards?

Methods

My primary sources of data will include a survey that canvasses all residents of in the strata lot, gathering information about their concerns on security and outline areas of improvement.

Secondary sources will include publications that highlight crime in residential units and how this can be prevented.

My Qualifications

As a resident in the condominium for the past 2 years, I am very familiar with the lay-out of the building, foot traffic in the surrounding area, and past reported incidents of crime. Additionally, my work in the research field provided me with direct experience in creating ethically approved surveys, collecting data, and analyzing it. I can draw from all these experiences to collect data and assess the feasibility of the increasing security measures in the condominium.

Conclusion

Increasing residential crime rates are a concern for many residents in the condominium as our safety is being jeopardized. It is crucial that preventative measures are established so that we can live peacefully in our household. Thus, I am aiming to improve security measures for all residents and prevent future crimes from occurring. With your approval, I will begin the research at once.

introduction

For certain assignments, students were given the opportunity to peer review and learn from each other’s works. In my opinion, this was a very beneficial process as I was able to gain insights from reading over my peer’s works and simultaneously receive direct feedback for my own work. I constantly found myself catching mistakes on my work while marking others and learning from my peer’s writing style. This was one of the most enjoyable parts of the course for me and I will miss having the opportunities to learn from peer reviews after this course is over.

Please see below for the first completed peer review on the definitions assignment:

Assignment 1:3 – definitions assignment

To: Jordan Zhao, UBC ENGL301 Student
From: Johnathan Tam, UBC ENGL301 Student
Date: October 5, 2021
Subject: Review of Definitions Assignment 1:3 – Virtual Reality

Peer Review/ Term: “Virtual Reality” Definition

Thank you for submitting the definitions assignment for unit 1:3. This assignment provided an excellent definition on the term “virtual reality” and is a very informative and enjoyable read. Please see below for some suggestions to improve the assignment.

First Impressions:

The assignment looks like a very well-organized document with an introduction, clear headings for each definition form, vivid visuals labeled with captions, and a works cited list at the end.

Organization:

• The introduction is well-written with a good outline regarding the objective of the assignment along with a detailed description of the intended audience/ reading situation.
• Including a bolded header for the introduction, in a similar style to all the other headings in the document, will further improve the organization.
• The expansion strategies listed in parenthesis under the Expanded Definition header do not match all the headers in that section.
  • For example, etymology and examples are listed but are not put as headers.
• Including a conclusion at the end will help to properly wrap up the assignment and restate the main points of the definition for readers. Currently, the document ends a bit unexpectedly without further explanation.

Content:

• The assignment meets all requirements as it includes:
  • An introduction that outlines the objective, criteria, and intended audience
  • Three forms defining a relatively complex term
    • Parenthetical Definition
    • Sentence Definition
    • Expanded Definition
  • At least four types of expansion strategies
  • At least one visual
  • A works cited list in MLA style or APA style

Definitions:

• The parenthetical and sentence definition are concise, yet very informative, which helps with properly understanding the term.
• There are a good variety of expansion strategies used – however, sentence definition should not be listed as an expansion strategy as it is one of the three forms of definition used for this assignment.
• Technical jargons can be a bit challenging to read. It could be helpful to provide further explanation of these terms. For example:
  • “The technology from these headsets is shown in Figure 2, in which there are separate LCD screens that render its images for each eye.”
    • A parenthetical definition could be helpful here to explain what LCD stands for and what it means.
• Great in-depth research was conducted for the potential applications of virtual reality.
  • The use of virtual reality in healthcare and education is much more obscure compared to its use in entertainment.
• The explanation of how virtual reality works is a bit difficult to grasp. It would help if this paragraph could be simplified.

Visuals:

• The visuals are very informative and helped in further understanding virtual reality.
  • It was very interesting to see images of virtual reality equipment in the past and compare it to present day equipment.
• Visuals are properly cited.

Works Cited:

• A properly styled citation list that includes more than the required amount of outside references.

Grammar and Typos:

• There are a few comma errors in the document. For example:
  • “The common gear used to experience virtual reality can be seen in Figure 1 which is the typically used headset that creates the near reality experience.”
    • A comma is needed after Figure 1.
  • “Early research by Charles Wheatstone, demonstrated that the human brain could process two different two-dimensional images from eye into a single image of three-dimensions.”
    • A comma is not needed after Charles Wheatstone.
• Some sentences have small errors which made it a bit confusing to read. For example:
  • “Virtual reality is seen as a consumer product in this field and is leads itself as a product for user experience.”

Concluding Comments:

This definition assignment is well-organized, detailed, and enjoyable to read. By making the following changes, it can be further improved to become an excellent document:

• Adding a header for the introduction
• Including a conclusion to wrap up the document and summarize the main points
• Correcting the expansion strategies listed under the Expanded Definition header
• Providing further explanation for technical jargons
• Simplifying the explanation about how virtual reality works
• Double-checking for grammatical errors and typos

Thank you for a great definition on the term “virtual reality”. It was a pleasure to review this assignment. Please do not hesitate to ask any questions.

Introduction:
For the week three assignment in unit one, we were instructed to create three definitions of a relatively complex term used in our profession for audiences that may not have experience in this field. We learn to understand the importance and role of definitions in technical writing as they should be directed towards specific audiences.

As I just transitioned into the computer science area with little prior experience, I decided to select a term from my healthcare and research experience – “self-management.” The intended audience for this definition are patients who are just learning about this term from their healthcare who are stressing the importance of self-management.

In my assignment below, I outline three different types of definition for the term self-management. Firstly, I define self-management with a parenthetical definition, which uses a more familiar synonym or a clarifying phrase in parentheses right after the term. The second definition is a sentence definition which provides further elaboration than the parenthetical definition by also providing the broader class and distinguishing features of the term. Finally, I define the term self-management with an expanded definition that includes the operating principles, required conditions, and negation.

Parenthetical Definition:
For patients with chronic diseases, self-management (engaging in personal health care activities) is a fundamental but often neglected component in models of patient care.

Sentence Definition:
Self-management involves patients actively participating in a variety of activities such as being physically active and adhering to a treatment plan, which can help lessen the physical and emotional impact of their illness.

Expanded Definition:

History:
The term self-management first originated in the mid 1960s by Thomas Creer. During his work with chronically ill children at the Children’s Asthma Research Institute and Hospital, he and his colleagues coined the term and started using it in conjunction with their pediatric Asthma program (Lorig & Holman, 2003). They felt the term best described a patient who was an active participant in treatments. Since then, the term has evolved to include more specific activities and how self-management can benefit patients.

Operating Principles (how it is used):
Self-management is a crucial component of successful chronic disease care (Wagner, 1997). If self-management is prioritized, patients can improve their health outcomes by understanding how their day-to-day activities correlate with their symptoms. The contextualized health information learned from this process will provide them with a baseline to determine whether they need to seek medical attention and inform their decisions about daily activities. As an example, a patient can pace their housework duration and intensity if they are aware of how much pain and fatigue they normally experience after a usual’s day work.

Required conditions:
Active self-management is a difficult process to maintain daily. In the context of a patient’s life, they can become overwhelmed from their fluctuating symptoms and day-to-day activities (Leese et al., 2018). To make matters worse, it is easy for a patient to become disengaged from self-management because of a frustration from managing their health on a trial-and-error basis (Kendall et al., 2011).

Consequently, active self-management requires a multifaceted approach that provides support in terms of knowledge, skill development, and guidance from health professionals to provide timely advice and motivational support. For example, patients need to have a mix of interactive tools that can help them track their flareups, such as from phone apps or a simple calendar diary as seen in Figure 1. These tools would then be combined with help from health professionals who can provide them with feedback on how to improve and motivational support for when they are feeling demoralized.

Figure 1. A Calendar Diary Template for Tracking Symptoms
(Source: Pinecone Papers, Tracking Your Flare Symptoms in your Bullet Journal)

Negation:
Self-management is not a process where patients ignore their health and activities that could improve their symptoms. For example, self-management does not involve patients neglecting daily physical activity and their medical treatment plans.

Unfortunately, due to the reasons outlined in the required conditions section, research has shown that majority of patients do not meet the minimum recommended level of moderate to physical activity (MVPA), despite the ample evidence highlighting how important physical activity is in reducing symptoms (Haskell et al., 2007). Some of the proven benefits of physical activity are shown in figure 2 below.

Figure 2. The Benefits of Physical Activity
(Source: Eufic, 9 Proven Benefits of Physical Activity)

References:

Haskell, W. L., Lee, I. M., Pate, R. R., Powell, K. E., Blair, S. N., Franklin, B. A., Macera, C. A., Heath, G. W., Thompson, P. D., & Bauman, A. (2007). Physical activity and public health: updated recommendation for adults from the American College of Sports Medicine and the American Heart Association. Medicine and science in sports and exercise, 39(8), 1423–1434.

Kendall, E., Ehrlich, C., Sunderland, N., Muenchberger, H., & Rushton, C. (2011). Self-managing versus self-management: reinvigorating the socio-political dimensions of self-management. Chronic illness, 7(1), 87–98.

Leese, J., Macdonald, G., Kerr, S., Gulka, L., Hoens, A. M., Lum, W., Tran, B. C., Townsend, A. F., & Li, L. C. (2018). ‘Adding another spinning plate to an already busy life‘. Benefits and risks in patient partner-researcher relationships: a qualitative study of patient partners’ experiences in a Canadian health research setting. BMJ open, 8(8), e022154.

Lorig, K. R., & Holman, H. (2003). Self-management education: history, definition, outcomes, and mechanisms. Annals of behavioral medicine : a publication of the Society of Behavioral Medicine, 26(1), 1–7.

“Tracking Your Flare Symptoms in your Bullet Journal.” Pinecone Papers. https://pineconepapers.com/tracking-flare-symptoms-bullet-journal/

Wagner E. H. (1997). Managed care and chronic illness: health services research needs. Health services research, 32(5), 702–714.

“9 Proven Benefits of Physical Activity.” Eufic. https://www.eufic.org/en/healthy-living/article/9-proven-benefits-of-physical-activity