“I think, therefore I am.”
lol more like “I eat pizza, therefore I am (flawless)” amirite
On a more serious note, there’s a blog post on thinking, or in my case, the absence of it.
Whenever my teachers in high school would ask the question “what do you think?”, I’d always reply half jokingly: “I don’t.” I say half-jokingly because I’m pretty sure that on some neurological level, I was indeed contemplating things, but on a conscious level, I really hadn’t formulated any smart things to say. I’m definitely the type of person that needs time to process things in her brain before I can come up with something decent in reply, except my processing speed is probably extraordinarily slow even taking this into consideration.
Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy thinking. I think to myself all the time when I’m alone. Sometimes this produces dangerous thoughts that breed insecurities in my mind, but a lot of the time I manage to come up with a response to some question that was asked of me centuries ago. (lagging) It’s only when I’m forced to think within a time constraint or aloud that my mind begins to shut down. For example:
Professor: what did you think about this character?
Me: she’s………………………cool
Professor:
Me:
Me: sry
Okay, so maybe the character really was cool. But you can see that I have some problems when it comes to thinking fast, especially on matters that require a certain level of insight. (maybe I just have problems in general) I prefer writing, or typing to speaking because of this. I’m allowed to make mistakes, fix them, take time and find the right words to say. I’m allowed to wait before answering without fear of being prompted or pressured by impatience. I’m allowed to actually think. So most of the time I stay silent. Listening. Taking in the thoughts of others. A wishy-washy canvas that the artist hasn’t had time to paint on yet because she’s still trying to think of what to paint. Debates? Hell on earth for me. But I love listening to what other people think. I only wish I could accomplish it as easily as they make it seem.
Is this an excuse for my procrastination and silence? Is this a sign of ignorance? Probably, but I’m not naive enough to believe that because I suck at thinking, I won’t take part in important affairs. I only ask for your patience, and some time. If I come up with some stupid reply to your question, I’m sorry. That’s the me trying to appease you quickly. That’s the me throwing in bits and pieces of quotes or cliches or the obvious from fandoms and books and things that make more sense than I do. If you want to know what I really think, it’s going to take a little bit of extra time and effort.
How troublesome.
Yeah, can’t argue with that.
So if you’re in a similar predicament, then rest assured, you’re not alone! Whether you’re trying to change or you’re trying your best to go with the flow, it’s fine to simply take your time. I don’t think it’s such a bad thing to allow yourself that extra space. As for how I plan to deal with my thinking or lack thereof…
…Let me think about it.
