on graduating

In Oscar Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Gray, a portrait of a man alters itself with every vile act the man it portrays takes until it is a hideous thing to look at.  This plant I named Dionysus.

I see Dionysus as the Picture of Miriam.  It has grown splendidly in residence at UBC.  At times, certain leaves have yellowed and I had to pluck them off.  These scars remain, where there are abnormally long gaps between leaves.  It grows marvellously still, in proportion to its tiny pot!

Whenever I re-read my blogposts, as latest as the last few, I never fail to cringe in embarrassment at some ugly turn of phrase, some ludicrous idea, or some self-righteous and ignorant comment that I have made.  Immortalized mistakes, that is what writing is, and most especially blogging, the public side of journal writing.  My greatest desire is to shut this whole blog down, but I can’t help but that think that maybe, maybe someone would come across a post and find it of use.  I will hold out as long as I can without shutting this place down, but if the time comes, you will know why.

I have finished all my courses and I am waiting until my official graduation ceremony in late May.  I wish all of my classmates the best in their future endeavours, and I am always here with an open ear waiting to hear of your successes and, if you need a hand, your falls.  I don’t quite believe in fate, and I don’t think we exist as passive pawns in this game of life.  Yet I find companionship is best explained as two kids sitting at the edge of the wave pool in North Van., just sitting as the waves gently wash over our chests at brief intervals, just waiting for the next one to come for us both.  I’d be delighted to keep in touch with anyone I have interacted with here at UBC, if only to share commentary on the waves we’re sitting through.

I am pursuing a Masters in (political) philosophy at Queen’s starting in September for 12 months.  I do not expect to blog.

Congratulations, everybody, on making it through another year.

A month without Facebook

I was that dweeb who e-mailed your hotmail invitations to this new website called Facebook, in 2007.  My decision to permanently leave Facebook for 2013, then, came as a surprise to many.  “May I ask, why are you leaving?” was the number one final message my friends sent me when supplying me with their Gmail addresses, for my trek on over to email land.

The question should not be “why are you leaving?” but “what finally made you leave”?  In my bag, I already took issue with its privacy (and corporate) concerns, time-wasting, inauthenticity, inefficacy as a political platform, narcissism, and so on.   What finally made me leave was that, upon evaluation, I concluded that Facebook had not enriched my relationships or social life in a way in which e-mails and real life could not allow.  Those friends I hung out with for a month on my trip abroad?  It would be more meaningful for me to write them a long e-mail a couple times a year than watch their Saturday night photos roll in.  Accepting a friendship request from an acquaintance from class, signalling a desire to maybe be on closer terms in real life?  A smile on my part could have done just as well, if not better.  Friends whom I chatted with near every day?  One-liners on Facebook statuses will never stand up to extended conversation over coffee.

Anyway, the point of this blogpost is not to self-importantly expound upon my decision to opt out of this medium, but to share with you my experience of excessively hanging around the pointy edges of Gmail Inbox.

Lessons learned:
1. Facebook, no matter what we say about it being a beast (as Panopticon or soul-sucker), is not that big of a deal; it’s what you decide to do with your time on it, that like any other medium, makes the difference in your friendships (you can post links to pointless entertainment through either Facebook or email , just as you can post observations on love through either).
2. You will probably end up procrastinating anyway, if not on Facebook, then mid-guitar stroke; your eyes will gloss over and think of other, unimportant things.
3. People respond to e-mails much slower than to their Facebook messages.
4.  You won’t really know what you ‘re missing out on Facebook if and until you hear about it through another medium…those few times might be shocking, but most of the time you are ignorant of your ignorance, so it’s not an issue.
5. You have to make modifications in your life to make new friends; smile more, take risks by explicitly asking people for their contact, go out more, and so on.  At the end of a month without Facebook, I do think it would be easier, socially, to go back.
6. What I miss:
*Facebook events: I know for a fact that I have missed out on some good activist events and, while social events can be co-ordinated through e-mail, they are cumbersome.
*Facebook chat: as unreliable as this software was, it is the only socially acceptable means of instant talk available today.  Indeed, I am writing this blogpost precisely because, exhibiting hermit-like tendencies today, I had an urge for chatting but no one to be with on demand.
7.  Your relationships with a few close friends, and a few distant friends, will likely flourish.  Your relationships with some of your acquaintances will probably suffer.
8.  Sometimes you will look at your Twitter feed with such dissatisfaction.

Overall, it’s difficult.  It does not surprise me that people always go back.  I tend to abstain from a lot of common activities though (driving, shopping, beauty work, drinking, etc.) so I think I can handle being an outcast in yet another respect.  I think.  It helps that I permanently deleted, not merely deactivated, my account!

P.S. If you’re a friend seeing this and would like to be sent an e-mail occasionally, let me know at miriamsabz (@) gmail.com.

UBC Green Party resurrects from the dead. See you at AMS Club Days!

We’re open to everyone interested in green ideas–YES, even if you’re new to political issues and even if you appreciate other political parties. Diversity rules! Membership in the club is only $1 and we have some executive positions open for students who are looking to take on more active roles.

We will be at AMS Club Days in the SUB, this Wednesday to Friday (September 19-21) and hope to see you there.

You can also e-mail ubcgreens(@)gmail.com to get in contact, and our Facebook page is here.

Background:
Several Green-inclined students have come together to revive the UBC Green Party club.  I am personally joining the club because I am both inspired and outraged.  I am inspired by Elizabeth May and her election to parliament, by the Green Party of Canada Convention held in August this year (watch my video blog about the convention here), and by the promising and fresh vision the Greens have for Canada in the 21st century.  I am outraged at failed policies, politics, and political systems.

my video blog: WTF am I doing at the Green Party of Canada (GPC) Convention?

The university experience should include trying out new things, including questioning your moral dispositions and/or dipping into political waters.  Here’s a glimpse of mine:

Sharing is appreciated!

week 6: thoughts and recollections from Guatemala

There’s nothing quite like waking up at 3:30 in the morning to the sound of marimbas from the pequeño, skyeblue-painted church across the lane to remind you that you’re on a Guatemalan finca (farm).  Our days at the by now familiar coffee co-op (Nueva Alianza) were numbered, however.  My memory of the last weekend there consists of  writing mediocre essays and putting together exam notes.   The next few days rolled by, not without casually conversing in broken Spanish with men who I thought to be locals (they were actually national government officials); Nueva Alianza was visited by the agricultural ministry while we there.   There was an article in the national newspaper about them with a certain line mentioning the “canadienses” visiting the hotel.  We make national news everywhere we go, apparently.

Our last night at the coffee-co-op, we were treated by the cooks to mouth-watering chocolate cake miraculously cooked on a traditional biofuel stove.   We received these sweet certificates by the hotel keepers (for what, I don’t really know), and we said our formal goodbyes to everyone there and to the lightning-dashed night sky atop the roof.  We also pushed the long table and chairs aside to dance to 80s music blasting from speakers taller than me.  Sara and I, at first fighting over who was to hold the camera (i.e. who was excused from dancing), finally felt obliged to give Canadian dancing a bad name.  Plus, Amanda and Kevin  = dancing stars.  I must admit, it was fun enough, but it kind of hurt my brain—seriously, I had a trouble sleeping that night because I was so socially exhausted.

Before I knew it, I was sitting on my luggage waiting for the van to pick us up and leave Nueva Alianza forever.  Two and a half weeks.  I remember thinking that it had not quite been a reality TV show nor a summer movie, but a “blooper real”; a series of memories of bursting out laughing, running off our scripted, regular lives, and making numerous blunders.  I was definitely ready to leave Nueva Alianza and all its memories at that point, but of course, I would miss it.

A handful of hours later, bienvenidos as Anitgua: the first town that most tourists visit when arriving in Guatemala.  Cashiers speak English in response to your accented Spanish, the only women wearing traditional clothing are trying to sell you goods, and a Guatemalan-Canadian runs a “Canadian” themed pizza & burger joint (perfect timing, as I was missing home by then).

Most of our remaining couple of days were spent glued to chairs inside internet cafes typing up our papers, and shopping & dining out.  It was still stressful for me until  I finally gave up on improving my sociology paper.

The penultimate day, some of us took an optional trip to Guatemala City, a city with one of the highest murder rates in the world.  While the city does have its fair share of barbed wire fences, it looked peaceful bathing in the daytime sunlight especially as we peered out from the safety of our van.  Our first stop was deeply moving.   Our professor led us to the back of the city’s statue laden cemetery.  The vultures circling above us ominously led our gaze towards a pit below the edge of the cemetery.  Here was the city’s garbage dump, festering in the morning sun and feasted upon by hundreds of vultures.

We could see dozens of people clambering over the highly toxic garbage in search of, we were told, plastic bags to sell.  There was what seems like a soccer pitch and maybe food stands.  Children had been banned, just recently, from entering and working in the toxic dump.

To me, the garbage dump was not at all uniquely Guatemalan problem.  It’s not only that every city in the world has its own dump akin to this, but that the world has played a particular role in this one’s.  Below us sat the uncalculated-for health and environmental externalities of unsustainable consumer capitalism wrought global.  Global inequality sent men clambering over garbage remains and global inequality sent us students to peer over the edge of that cliff as observers.  Seeing the garbage dump was the perfect ending to this group study program: I was looking at this garbage dump having had expanded my mind to global proportions and I knew I played a part in this global theatre.

Jon remarked that the feasting vultures were “cruel, cruel animals.”  I don’t know.  Vultures will eat what their bodies can consume—it is we human being who feed them, sometimes with murdered corpses for lunch and sometimes with garbage dumps for dinner.  Murdered corpses certainly are signs of human cruelty, but we might ask if garbage dumps, symbolic of the current global capitalist system, are: it cruel to unintentionally neglect brothers and sisters via “headless oppression”?  Whatever the answer, I think there is a certain fault that lies with humans and the vultures merely follow wherever we go.

After this, we were welcomed by officials at the Canadian Embassy, and we accordingly grilled them politely on Canadian corporations’ human rights records in Guatemala (think Goldcorp Inc., Marlin mining).  This was another excellent way to top the group study program off, as we witnessed the constraints of global political governance structures and where  civil society might have to step in.

Then we finally stepped out onto the streets of Guatemala City.   We lunched at the Guatemalan equivalent to McDonalds (Pollo Campero) and then sat for ten minutes on a fountain at the biggest Parque Central in the country (it was quite beautiful, surrounded by government buildings).  We then took the van down a much anticipated meeting with another great find by our professors—a women’s centre.  It was not just any women’s centre.  It was an organization initially founded by two American women for women in Guatemala’s sex industry.  It provides basic Spanish education to sex workers and gives them an opportunity to supplement their income through textile work, which we were more than happy to purchase in hordes.  It turns out that most of these women are single mothers and are undocumented refugees from other countries like Nicaragua. There is actually a movie about how some of the women formed a local soccer team and were ostracized out of playing any longer (here on YouTube, but there are no English subtitles).   Sex work is ridiculously entangled with racialized oppression in Canada too, but that’s a whole other complex issue.

Yawning after a long day, I climbed into the van and we drove back for one more day at Antigua.  At this point, the group had slowly separated into different batches of friends, but we were to have one final group dinner together.  While dining on quality food, our professors hosted an “awards night” with trophies consisting of plastic plates.  I’ll leave it up to your imagination why I won the awards for “Devious Diva” and “Campfire Musician” (or something; I lost my plates).    After successfully pulling off a subliminal message prank from TV on Jon (I don’t think he noticed, but that’s the point), Rebecca, Sara and I took to the Antiguan streets for one last night of sober yet somehow dazed shenanigans.  Our last memory was of chatting in English with a local artist about lost loves, leaving, and Guatemala, as he etched our caricatures underneath the downtown arch.



Packing and three hours of sleep later, a dozen of us were flying into Texas for a six hour layover, while the other half or so were staying behind in Central America for an extended trip.  Between playing Texas Hold’em in Texas with candies, circling the English and shiny airport mall, and landing home in Vancouver, I was beginning the post-Guatemalan experience.  Whereas during the trip I was simply absorbing everything, after the trip, I would find myself having strong thoughts and convictions I never quite remembered forming.  I did not intend to find attractive men in expensive suits in Vancouver disgusting, nor to feel I could no longer buy unsustainable and unfair products.

If you recall blogpost week #1, the experience of observing poverty in the form of a tiny hut was a dull experience viewed through the lens of naturalistic properties—neurons, nutrition, physical space.  I think, somewhere along the way, I had (without proper rational justification) decided to give moral meaning to physical properties.  As Tolstoy puts it in Anna Karenina, there is no inherent moral meaning in the world to be discovered–moral meaning is constructed, and  (I think) it is no less important for having to be put into the world as opposed to being there already: “every minute of it is no longer meaningless, as it was before, but it has an unquestionable meaning of the goodness which I have the power to put into it.” (Tolstoy, 923, trans. Garnett).  I spent six weeks trying to discover ethics, but now I realize the journey has only begun here at home; now is the time to construct ethics.

*          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *

I would like to thank these people for allowing me to use their photos: Kendra, Caleigh, Anna, Rebecca, Chloe, and Aly.

Weblink to the UBC Go Global Group Study Program.

week 5: thoughts and recollections from Guatemala

The second week on the coffee co-op, we were knee-deep in course readings and papers.  Schoolwork took up the biggest chunk of time devoted to any one activity, even though my blogposts have so far not reflected that.  Nor will they (I’ll have you know that this August is my first break from 13 consecutive months of full-time classes).

At some point, we were given a tour of the coffee co-op’s processing plant.  The machines themselves were nearly a hundred years old, but I was pleasantly surprised to hear that they had recently retrofitted them to make them more eco-friendly. Who would have thought that while UBC was building CIRS, the most sustainable building in North America, a Guatemalan coffee co-operative was significantly reducing their water usage?

I saw with my own eyes that every iced mocha frappuccino has its own extensive global history from planting to harvesting to processing to transporting to roasting to selling to buying (indeed, more).  And that this global chain is not merely financial but intensely political.  All of the first-grade coffee beans get shipped out to North America and Europe, and while I cannot remember the ratio, the profits reaped at the Guatemalan level compared to the price of a Starbucks coffee are so low it is jaw-dropping.  This is in large part because much of the value of coffee beans is created at the roasting stage, and most Guatemalans cannot afford roasting machines.

We were offered some opportunities to help around the coffee co-op including: cleaning out the bamboo shop, cooking in the kitchen, crafting bamboo shelves, clear-cutting forest paths with machetes, and handpicking macadamia nuts.

Now, despite what a certain unnamed relative of mine says (I quote, “she volunteered to build houses in Nicaragua”) the program’s primary focus was not on volunteering, but schoolwork.  Volunteering was non-obligatory to this program.  For whatever reason, I like to make this distinction when people ask me about it.

On the weekend, we took a van to Takalik Abaj, an archeological site featuring ancient Olmec and Mayan ruins dating back to the 9th century BCE.  Only a fraction of the ruins were not privately owned and thereby viewable to the public.  Many of the stone carvings were so faded that some in our group jokingly expressed doubt the that tour guide wasn’t just making everything up on the spot.  While we did endure much squinting and head tilting, walking up these stairs (with a little imagination) gave me a sense of the grandeur of these civilizations:

That, and the section on ancient astronomy.  This December 2012, the site will be celebrating the end of an era.  Can you imagine the party?  I’m still waiting for my invite.

After fawning over caged-in monkeys, wildcats, and cocoa trees, we took a pit stop at the city of Retalhuleu.  And what a blissful fifty minutes it was.  Students madly dashed through grocery aisles to grab chocolate bars and stock up on other comfort foods.  Before, nachos were coveted luxuries and frozen yogurt an unspoken of delicacy–then, we were well-armed with study snacks for exam week.

One of the toughest experiences of the trip for almost all of us was dropping  like flies with illnesses, sometimes multiple times.  We were all forewarned of the probability of getting sick when applying to the program, which is fine, but there was arguably some systematic food poisoning going on (or so I firmly believe!) at the coffee co-op, and that was just not cool.

I remember writing a reflection paper one evening while doubling over with digestive pains for hours on end—I really don’t know how I managed to write it.  A few days later, I took a bumpy bus ride down to Retalhuleu to get it checked out at a private clinic.  My professor kindly took upon herself the awkward task of translating (as did both professors, many many times for the other students).  It turned out I had an intestinal amoeba and/or parasite from the food or water, and so I was to take a fortnight of heavy antibiotics + pills to help regenerate my sure-to-be blasted out intestines.  I am proud of how I dealt with my illness from beginning to end;  one of the take-away points of the trip was learning how to take care of myself in tough situations (hint: it includes both being independent, and dependent, at the right times!)  Besides, we were lucky to have access to effective medicines, and are luckier still, never to have to deal with all of these illnesses that don’t even exist in most of Canada (except in neglected areas such as some Aboriginal reserves).

Another plus: we hopped onto a  a “Tuk-Tuk” like the above photographed to get to the doctor’s office.  We also met an elderly lady (a “pharmacist”) who seemed to think it hellish that in Canada, all sorts of religious beliefs are accepted.  Speaking of citizens on the street, a popular question posed of me now that I’m back is “what are Guatemalans like?”  Reader, I cannot tell you what a whole country’s people are like as I don’t believe in grand sweeping statements about whole groups of people. But I can share a most peculiar impression I felt:  beneath obvious conservative influences such as the Church, there seemed to me a certain liberal attitude I cannot fully explain.  I am not just saying that I felt  a political split between very conservative and very liberal factions (although I have read there to be in its history); but that I felt a sort of quiet tolerance and an openness of human spirit…A silly example, but I couldn’t help but feel that the people on the street pointing out at the Chinese-Canadians in our group and so very helpfully reminding them that they were Chinese did not mean any harm—if anything, they had a knack for falling in  love with them.

Somewhere in the midst of pill-popping and paper shuffling, a gecko or two appeared on our bedroom wall.  So it wasn’t a bird we heard every night over our bunk beds making unpleasant noises.  Rachyl and Niles, table climbing, and five minutes later, a still-pulsating gecko tail was squirming on my nightstand table.  Grossness.  Let’s just say that we did not need constant access to the Internet to find ourselves plenty distracted.

Not to forget the fact that we were virtually imprisoned in a farmhouse-like motel, everyone to a room of at least three (a far cry from UBC’s vast and isolated spaces).  While this sounds like a recipe for social disaster, on the whole, I think we did a pretty good job in making sure that no lasting frictions divided our group—I’d give us an A-.  Still, considering I have worn an invisible anti-drama magnet strapped to my body my entire life, even a little drama taking away from that A+ was very distracting for me and my studies.  I learned a lot, socially, though.   Really, I think I learned more about the human heart by spending time with my group than I did from the actual humanities courses we were taking.

Next week we say goodbye to the coffee co-op in 80′s music style, and visit our picturesque final destination.

Weblink to UBC Go Global Group Study Programs 

week 4: thoughts and recollections from Guatemala

We said our farewells to beautiful Nebaj and bussed down, down from the mountains and into the coastal city of Panajachel.  This was to be our special weekend break, a couple of days in a tourist city, where we could access the internet whenever we wanted and the pizza and hot showers we so desperately missed.  Despite the homey amenities and the abundance of colourful shop stalls, or perhaps because of them, some of us were unhappy with Panajachel. This could have been the curious case of Western tourists seeking the “authentic” in others—“be as you were, pretend we never came!”…but I don’t think that explains it for me.  Nebaj was just genuinely more interesting to me than Panajachel in the same way that, in Vancouver, a hiking trail is more interesting to me than a shopping mall.  I am all for the success of the locals, but the bright lights at roadside diners made me think of Vegas.

After finishing up and handing in our essays, we ventured out on a daytrip in the heavy rain.  We blazed across a lake surrounded by three volcanoes in a sketchy motorboat for twenty.

The first village we visited on the cusp of the lake has a successful history of negotiating a peace treaty with the government before the civil war was officially over, by rallying together as a community after a massacre.  But the village is situated in a natural disaster zone.  Homes are half-deep in the lake.  Hurricanes have passed through, causing mudslides which have destroyed much of the village and the people living in it.  Our tour guide was very sceptical of the ability of the government to help, doing more damage than good.

What fascinates me is that, contrary to what anti-immigrationists think, people very rarely just want to migrate.  Sure there are a few wandering souls, but most have a deep connection to the land they grew up in.  They will refuse to leave even when they are in a natural disaster zone, even when there is war.  It is only when things really get unbearable, when they need to leave, that they migrate.  At least, for natives.

The sun broke out at some point, and I experienced an epic ride on the back of a truck along a coastal road.  I felt like the happiest dog in the world.  Below that, is a great photo of my philosophy professor.

We also met with a women’s weaving co-operative .  They work only with natural dyes, relearning and sometimes reinventing traditional native knowledges of dyeing.   I think our professors have a selective bias of scheduling visits to co-operatives and villages with inspiring grassroots development stories.  It could lead one to mistakenly think that all of Guatemala is like this.  No, I think, it is meant to be a hope.  It makes me wonder, what co-operatives exist in Canada? Do they work as a model for profitable enterprises?

Anyway, we had Aly take some clothes to the laundromat while she was deathly ill (OK, that makes us sound like horrible people but I swear she offered while we were out on the daytrip) and we laughed ourselves to sleep by watching Spanish dubbed Twilight on our hotel T.V.  I am hard pressed to believe that that stuff is not meant to be comedy.

Now for the big move.  We were about to spend two and a half weeks at this mysterious “coffee co-operative” we kept on hearing so much about: “Nueva Alianza”, an hour drive from the town of Retalhuleu.   It was humid and hot as we drove past new sights: coffee trees, bamboo, and tropical things, down what must be at least a one hundred year old cobble-stone road (which I swear, if were paved, would take a quarter of the time to traverse).  The day passed quickly as we lugged our bags into rooms of four to six in a farm-like motel, and I nearly fell asleep during our welcoming/the let-me-tell-you-our-organizations’-entire-history speech, much to the chagrin of my professors.

But seriously, the history of the group is really something.  The other students can probably recall it better, but the group is basically a co-operative of local workers who were totally screwed over to starving point by a bankrupt owner.  They took over the farm for themselves, fought a legal battle, took out a loan, and are paying it back with the help of the eco-tourist hotel we were staying in.  We watched a documentary some tourists made about the history of the co-op and I was really interested to hear these self-proclaimed “peasants” use the hefty language of “rights.”  I want to know where that discourse of rights comes from, and I have a sneaking suspicion it does not come from international human rights regimes…but who knows?

The basic setup was this, then: wake up at 6 a.m. by either Sara or the sound of the cooks preparing breakfast on a biofuel stove.  Take a “military shower” i.e. starting the freezing cold water on and off again as you bathe.  Yes, it does reduce the number of showers one chooses to take, since you asked. Then, chill out on one of the hammocks in the deck/main-room until breakfast.  Help set up the table.  Eat food impressively prepared without a refrigerator at the long-table with everyone; the food was decent and homey but I was very whiny about the runny bean and eggs breakfast by the end.  Help clean up the table.  Visit the store located in the neighbour’s home for some absolutely necessary cookies, or in Aly’s case, macadamia nuts.  Go swim in a waterfall if you’re not Miriam, chase chickens if you’re mean, and laugh.  Do your readings for class, in your bunkbed or in the media room or the roof overlooking the volcano studded tropical rainforest.

Carbohydrate-stuffed lunch—pass over the evil corn tortillas every single time.  Then participate in a three hour class at the long-table.  Commence, at mid-afternoon, a tropical thunderstorm with crackling lightning and massive thunder, forcing the professor to shout.  After class, fiddle around on a guitar, watch Kevin (practically the only male in the town we ever saw) chop wood or gather fresh coconuts for us, and then go to dinner.  Do homework.  Hang out around a bonfire.  Start a secret civil association with your roommates that has its own made-up religion/s, and conspire against the world.  Do more homework by candlelight or with your flashlight on.  Tuck your ironically pink bednet around the bedpost sometime after 10 p.m.  Cue falling fast asleep.

So the courses really took off those two and a half weeks in the coffee co-op.  I will write about them in my summer course review, but let’s just say that I ended up really enjoying my philosophy class.  I was especially interested by the section on theories of global justice.  My mind opened the primly shut national cage and welcomed in the 7 billion who are just as in need of justice as anyone in Canada.  It seems like a relatively new field of thought in philosophy and it has had a great impact on me now that I am back in Vancouver—this is a story for another blogpost!  The sociology course was…new.  Never had I taken a sociology course, and while I enjoyed most of the readings, I wasn’t sure what was expected of me or what we were trying to do.  Both professors were fabulous people though and I enjoyed seeing them enjoy their time in Guatemala like, you know, human beings.

I read Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina after I came back from Guatemala and I really sympathized with the spiritual crisis the character, Levin, was going through.  When I was on the roof of Nueva Alianza, I would look out at the big leafy trees and the neighbour’s house spilling out with brown-skinned children.  7 billion…I cannot fathom, I even despise, the idea that we are fully fleshed memory-bots and that life is a series of memories, or experiences, or a bucket list.  Was my visiting Guatemala on this roof going to be just another memory to be forgotten when I’m dead?  Why care so much?  What is this befuddling thing called consciousness?  I am sorry to say that I do not have an answer.

Time for lightheartedness.  Bugs–we were, after all, in the middle of a tropical rainforest.    While we passed through the initial phase of attempting to pre-emptively kill them all (by the end: a fly in your cup of tea? Just spoon it out), everyone still had a very unsolicited bug encounter story. Cockroaches jumping in your bed, giant beetles the size of your palm whirring with a mechanical-sounding buzz, centipedes in the shower, and suicidal moths that would spiral down madly from the ceiling at night.  I recall one particular study session in the evening on the deck.  I was in the middle of summarizing Marcuse when a moth decided to commit suicide from the ceiling by burrowing into my blouse.  Worst of all was the night of hell.

I woke up after midnight to the dreaded sound of a buzzing giant beetle…you wouldn’t guess where it was coming from: inside my bednet.  I frantically jumped out of bed and inadvertently woke up Sara.  Before I could address the very pressing issue of the giant beetle, a yellow moth literally began chasing me around the room.  I apologize to everyone for the screaming, but then again, I don’t, because it was horrific.   The moth managed to successfully cling onto my back twice—Sara had to bravely slap away at it from her top bunk.  All the while, the giant beetle buzzed and whirred and I was panicking about the noise I heard from the bathroom nearby—the garbage can was knocked over by a stray dog again—what if it traipsed into the room while all this was happening!? In the mad hustle and bustle, Anna heard us from outside, walked in, and saved us all.  She narrowly kept another moth from coming in, this time the size of a bird, and she dealt with my bugs. And in fact, pretty much every bug we encountered in our room.   Now that I’m back in Vancouver, I scoff when people point out a tiny spider or a harmless moth.  I am a battle-hardened veteran.

The tale of the gecko, next week.  And more about living in a small motel with twenty other people.  And becoming really ill.

Weblink to the UBC Go Global  Group Study Programs.

who’s the world’s most typical person?

Thanks to all the homework I have inherited this final week of summer school, I will have to skip this week’s travel blog.  In the meantime, check out this sweet National Geographic feature we were shown in POLI 375:

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week 3: thoughts and recollections from Guatemala

I believe I am currently in the state one would call “completely and utterly burnt out.”  As such, today’s will have to be a shorter, snappier, and less edited travel blog with a smattering of photos.

Evening set upon the village as we filed into a one-roomed building and took seats on plastic chairs.  The Hilary Clinton of Nebaj sat before us: a confident woman in traditional clothing, her gleaming beaded necklace catching what dim light there was in the room.  We knew her to be the “mayor” of the local indigenous group—an ambiguous position caught in between the “occidental” (Western) government, as she called the Guatemalan government, and the locals.  I was fascinated to hear if and how First Nations’ self-government functioned in Guatemala in comparison to Canada—especially from a woman who could, perhaps, vocalize issues differently than a man would.

There were a number of impressionable moments.

Dona Anna, hands folded in front of her and head held aloft, seemed nonchalantly interested to hear where we were from and what we thought of First Nations.  Well, Aly mentioned that the Enbridge pipeline plans to plough through several resisting Aboriginal roups, and we were learning, increasingly, that Canadian mining corporations affected the First Nations all the way down in Guatemala.  My professors bickered over beer later on about what kind of interaction this was–was it cosmopolitan, this brief exchange of thoughts between Canadian students and a Guatemalan indigenous leader?   The program is named “Arts Term Abroad in Global Citizenship” after all, and we spent a lot of time thinking about cosmopolitanism during the trip; especially asking if  we are cosmopolitans of the fashionable, elite “frequent flyer” variety, and if cosmopolitanism is inherently one-sided.

This poli sci junkie found the electoral process for local leaders quite interesting.  The mayor said that you would not take it upon yourself to run for leadership positions and to run campaigns, but you would be chosen by community vote.  You would have to accept the duty if the community chose you.  Hmmm…

Furthermore (a perfectly decent word to use in essays, Professor K.), their judicial punishments were different.  Serious offenses would incur traditional, so-called “symbolic”,  beatings.  While a freely wandering mind may compare and contrast this with Foucault’s depiction of non-violent prisions being, in some way, incredibly violent upon the mind….it was nonetheless an image that raised all sorts of speculation in me from  ”uh, really? to “how do pluralistic judicial systems work, jurisdictionally?–do indigenous people really have a choice in which courts they were to choose?”…and finally, “who am I, to judge these judges?”

I will evaluate the two courses, PHIL 335 (Power and Oppression) and SOCI 430 (Civil Society in Theory and Practice), as I would any other course at the end of this blog series.  In the meantime, I will say that we had our first couple of assignments those two weeks in Nebaj.  One assignment was a short paper that caused a contagious fever of nerves that spread among the students living in close quarters.  All of that perfectionism for something we would have typed up in a couple of hours or less in Vancouver, alone in our rooms.  As for myself, I decided early on that I would focus mostly on comprehension, not assignments or grades.  Besides, I could not physically do more than that–I could not think creatively and thoroughly without private space and extended periods of time for reflection.  The physical demands of being around people at all times, listening to others, or being ready to hop into a conversation, sucked up energy out of this introvert.  It reminded me a little bit of this poem by Franz Kafka, although obviously with a much more diluted meaning:

The Street Window
by Franz Kafka
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir

Whoever leads a solitary life and yet now and then wants to attach himself somewhere, whoever, according to changes in the time of day, the weather, the state of his business, and the like, suddenly wishes to see any arm at all to which he might cling – he will not be able to manage for long without a window looking on to the street. And if he is in the mood of not desiring anything and only goes to his window sill a tired man, with eyes turning from his public to heaven and back again, not wanting to look out and having thrown his head up a little, even then the horses below will draw him down into their train of wagons and tumult, and so at last into the human harmony.

One school night, we returned to our classroom in the cafe after dark to listen to a man standing at the front of the room as if giving a lecture.  I found this choice of location odd, as those who regularly lecture me at university do not teach us about their personal stories.  He called himself a “survivor” of the civil war (he was optimistic) and he shared with us memories that should have never been.  I do not think I will ever forget the experience of listening to Guatemalans speak after dark.   I mean, not just what they said, but how they said it.  So many of these personal stories were spoken in Spanish, rehashed and rephrased in English by a translator, tossed into the humid night air, past my drooping eyelids, into my consciousness.  Anyway, he tied everything back to the Mayan Calendar.  As many will have heard via pop culture, 2012 is an important year for the Mayans; it is the end of an era in time.  He expressed the sincere hope for a brighter, harmonious, flourishing future for Guatemalans and the world.  Amen to that.

Next time: less crappy writing, living on the Coffee Co-op, and more.

Dragon of False Consciousness tattoo, anyone?

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week 2: thoughts and recollections from Guatemala

Our van driver chatted animatedly on his cellphone as he drove us up the precipitous roads through the mountains, evoking much nervous laughter.  Five hours of road stood between Xela and the village of Nebaj in a region primarily inhabited by indigenous peoples; 40-60% of Guatemalans are indigenous and there are approximately 26 native languages (The UN High Commissioner for Refugees, 2011). Along the way, we took note of political logos painted onto the sides of mountains and houses.  There was an election last year and this party won:

My understanding is that Guatemala is a developing democracy featuring fairly free elections and opposition parties, but a worrying degree of centralized power in ex-military hands (among other splotches). They have had both democratic and undemocratic rule at various points in their history.  But we did not focus on the role of the state so much in our studies.

Around lunch, we took a pit stop at the colourful town of Chichicastenango.



My memory of Chichicastenango consists of a seemingly never-ending street of textile shops overflowing with hand-woven bags and blankets, beaded keychains, and painted wooden masks.  There were plenty of Guatemalans browsing the shops, but the foreigners stood out.  They bargained with children and mothers in short Spanish phrases, while young boys, like magnets, ran up to them offering shoe-shining services.  Rebecca, in one of her reflection pieces on Marx, wrote about “the commodification of pity”; of how a disabled boy was put in a position where had to flaunt his disability to evoke pity in the tourist (and to subsequently spend money).  We spent an hour or so draining our fannypacks of Quetzals, the Guatemalan currency.  I am certain that a common theme all of us encountered on our trip was ambivalence towards our consumerism.  Many of us would second-guess our consumption of local products (for potentially fueling our “false needs” and/or making use of North American purchasing power and influence), but we also recognized that we were putting money into local economies.

After feasting at a buffet for lunch, we climbed back into the van and eventually rolled into the village of Nebaj.

Nebaj is a village with pot-holed streets and crumbling sidewalks, with overcast skies and occasional afternoon bursts of sun, with women in traditional long red skirts and embroidered tops selling food in the market, with children who frequent video arcades if they can earn a few coins from shoe-shining, with blue-painted convenience stores selling Pepsi products, with smiling faces greeting you at every moment–we had to say “buenos dias,” “buenas tardes,” or buenas noches” to everyone we passed on the street.  It is surrounded by mountains 360 degrees around, and it stretches out from the central town square to the rural fields.  Despite the pollution of diesel affecting  our heads and the fleas in my bed, I have an inexplicable love for that village that outdoes any other place we visited in Guatemala.

Yet, it is in the most civil war-torn region of Guatemala.  The civil war lasted from 1960, originating in a dispute with the American owned United Fruit Company, until 1996, ending with a peace treaty.  The indigenous people here were particularly caught up in the bloodshed because they were perceived by the government, for reasons most likely imbued with racism, to be natural allies of the leftist rebels.

As Rachyl commented, we were hard-pressed to see the effects of the civil war as outsiders.  I felt a definite gap between the smiling faces on the streets and the heartbreaking poems about massacres I read in my books.  I felt like we were only ever treading water at the surface of the community.  Likewise, even though I knew that 50% of Guatemalans under the age of 5 are chronically malnourished (World Food Programme), this sort of poverty mostly evaded the observation of a passing traveler.  We only really delved deeper when survivors of the civil war spoke out to us.

One of these men, a rebel during the civil war, invited us to his home.  We were first welcomed by his family: we fawned over his children, dressed up in traditional clothing, and learned how to, I suppose, spool wool….

…but he also told us of graver things.  Of a decade of hiding in the mountains, and of fighting for villages against government “scorch and burn” policies.  What he did not tell us is that many locals hold the rebels guilty for provoking more harm from the government.  The war is much too complex for me to understand.  He took us to a cemetery where villagers had been lain to rest in peace–rebels, neutrals, and army officers alike.  I still cannot fathom how brothers, literally brothers, fought each other.

Anyhow, upon arriving, we divided into two groups and were welcomed into our hotels.  I was told that my group’s hotel had a motto along the lines of “our home is your home.”  I would soon come to realize that this did not only mean that they would accommodate us like loving family, but that we would be accommodating them: every evening, we were subject to a giggling band of children in the courtyard; we were met in the early morning (think 3 a.m.) with the screwed-up moaning of a defunct rooster; and my bedding was of course infested with fleas.

I am glad it was like that though, because it made for a hell of a hilarious time for me and my roommate, Sara.  She never failed to make me laugh and I am so glad we became friends (although her intestinal amoeba named Victor tagged along unexpectedly).  We would share our beds with six other soon-to-become friends for study sessions.  In the case of Anna, it was more like nap sessions.  I was not initiated into friendship, however, without an interrogation into my character one night because I was apparently “vague” and “mysterious”  I think I can safely say that, after six weeks, they know me now…perhaps a little too well.

Three meals a day, we were fed delicious RESTAURANT FOOD here:

Each meal was accompanied by a wicked tropical fruit smoothie, hot chocolate, or various such configurations of parties in my mouth.  We were served a variety of meals, from pizadillas (pizza quesadillas!) to traditional Guatemalan food.  Namely: beautiful guacomole all day and everyday; breakfast of black beans, mushy plaintain, eggs, salsa, a slice of goat-tasting cheese, and those dreaded corn tortillas; and a sort of Guatemalan tamale, rather flavourless to me.

Our classes were located in a beloved cafe where the banana bread was divine  and the owners spoke English to us. (I will save my thoughts on coursework until the next post.) We soon grew affectionate for the people we met in our hotel, the restaurant, the cafe, and all the places in between.

To complement my coursework, I took a brief class on Ixil, the native language in the area.  It is a rather neat language.  At some point, Sara and I started asking oh so very relevant questions, like how to translate “my lover.”  The teacher miraculously managed, with my limited Spanish, to have a conversation with me about Guatemalan and American politics & religion.  I could not expect such miracles of understanding from all Guatemalans though–at many other moments during the trip, I wished desperately to break the language barrier and just speak to them without a translator.

I believe this video demonstrates a dialect of, or a similar language to, Ixil:

YouTube Preview Image

My first week in Nebaj was not without a hike in the countryside, where I was privy to the experience of developing a sunburn (for the first time in my life).  It was not a pretty sight.  The hike was, though:



Guatemala of course has its fair share of contradictions.  At the foot of a beautiful, cascading waterfall (OK, now I have taken the descriptive writing too far–pray tell me, where can you find a waterfall that is not cascading?), we encountered pollution.  Understandably, recycling is not exactly a priority when so many other issues exist.  But as a green at heart, I can think of exciting ways in which protecting the environment goes hand in hand with these other issues–for instance, indigenous land rights.


To end on a happy note, I did end up forgiving the children at our hotel.  They were just too adorable.  They threw a paper airplane into our room one night.  On it, “We play with you? Put an X.  Yes or No.”  You know we said yes.

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