Revised Definition Peer Review

To: Jenny Li < jiayijennyli@yahoo.ca>

From: Darius Zhang< zhangzhengqiao2018@gmail.com>

Date: October 5, 2021.

Subject: Peer Review for Jenny Li’s Definition Assignment

Thank you for submitting your definition assignment for this unit. I am very impressed by your professional writing style. If I may, below are some suggestions that could be useful in your following revisions.

First impression:

The organization of your writing is very neat and clear. Not only it allows readers to understand the purpose of this assignment, but it also shows the kind of effort that has been put into it. The visual aid was being placed in the right spot, and nicely cited.

Introduction:

The introduction details the objective of this assignment, such as why we need three levels of definitions, and who can benefit from these definitions. Nicely written!

Parenthetical definition:

The parenthetical definition is very concise and clear, the parenthesis was being placed in the right position of the sentence. One suggestion: 

• Consider adding additional information to this definition, such as ‘what kind of unease’ that cognitive dissonance is referring to?

Sentence definition:

The sentence definition was carefully cited in APA format, the meaning of the term “cognitive dissonance” was very clear. One suggestion:

• It would be better if the sentence definition and parenthetical definition are phrased differently, such as using synonyms.

Expanded definition:

The expanded definition outlines four questions that laymen might be interested in knowing. Below are a few suggestions for revision:

• when answering the first question “What is cognitive dissonance”, the answer can be more elaborated than the “sentence definition” and “parenthetical definition”. This could be done by adding a real-life example that resonates with the readers.
• Consider to edit out small grammar mistakes such as:

1. “….to join the cult inorder…”; adding a space in-between “inorder”
2. “….by attributing the absense”; changing“absense” to “absence”
3. “…alignment across our beliefs, attitudes and behaviour”; adding a “,” after “and”.

Final comment:

Overall, I very much enjoyed your writing and I personally learned a lot from this assignment. Thank you for your effort and if you have any questions feel free to email me.