BREAKING- The people of Cork Country are in an acute state of disbelief following the alleged resurrection of three young brothers in their home this afternoon. The boys’ mother, who has asked that we conceal her name to ensure her privacy at this time, was devastated following the discovery of her sons, pale and without a pulse. “I just couldn’t believe it,” she wept, understandably still emotional over the event. “I thought my life was over. I ran out into the street, hoping that whatever it was that took them would take me too.” The Cork Country police, while refusing to comment further on the case, have confirmed that they do not have any evidence at this time linking them to a suspect. The cause of the temporary deaths remains unknown, as there were no wounds nor indications of foul play.
In an extraordinary turn of events, Kate, who arrived at the wake house late, allegedly made a deal with the boys’ father that he won’t soon forget. “I was walking around, utterly distraught,” he exclaimed, “when she told me to ‘control myself.’ Can you believe it?! Control myself? I thought she had gone mad when she said that she could ‘put the life back in them again’, but that’s exactly what she did!” The father did not wish to comment on what Kate asked for in return, as he “couldn’t afford a Kimye sized guest list,” whatever that might mean. Witnesses say that Kate ushered the guests out of the wake house for an undisclosed amount of time, and when they came back, they watched the young men “awaken” to the sound of their father speaking their names.
The victims, upon being asked of their recollection of the bizarre event, insist they only feel as if they’ve woken up from a pleasant nights’ rest. One of the brothers began to speak of a peculiar taste of oatmeal and iron on his breath upon his awakening, but he was interrupted by what sounded like a cock crowing.