During my first week of practicum, a teacher told me that my practicum truly isn’t real until I’ve cried. I was overwhelmed with my practicum in the first few days and I thought to myself lucky me, I got that over and done with really quickly. Once I had let out those feelings of anxiety and accepted that these few months were going to test me in ways I had never been tested before, I felt more confident in the classroom and I was better at accepting my limits. Turns out I was wrong – my practicum truly hit me this past week, and it hit me really hard.

I started teaching full load and even though I only have two preps, I still feel incredibly overwhelmed. I feel that I have too many things to do and not enough time to do them. My mind is running a thousand miles a minute constantly but I am unable to keep up with it. Even when I sit and try to plan what I have to do, I can’t think straight. Instead of accepting the work, I dreaded it. I woke up each morning more exhausted than the previous day. I no longer feel like I can do this, that I can be a teacher. I feel defeated.

It is moments like these that I recognize one of my weaknesses: my poor ability to manage stress. I tend to bring stress upon myself; I want my lessons to be “perfect” with engaging and meaningful activities, or I want all of my students to have a deep understanding of the material while feeling confident and supported. And when I cannot reach my often unattainable goals, I feel that I can and should do more and more until I burn out to make them a reality. Once I remember that this is something I can work on, I can accept that this too shall pass. I lose confidence in my abilities as a teacher when I become overwhelmed, yet I am frequently reminded that I am doing a good job and even if I put in less effort to be perfect, I would still be exceeding expectations.

Highlight of the week: Even though it has been a rough week, the power of positive thinking really makes a difference. I started teaching my IB course this week and while the content is overwhelming, the students are a joy to teach. They are so kind and accepted me without hesitation as their teacher. I was worried as I am inexperienced and having a good teacher is crucial to success in IB. But I had many students tell me that I was explaining well, they enjoyed my activities (jigsaw and plates) and were eager to come to class each day. It seems my planning, preparation and hard work is appreciated and only drives me to continue to provide the best possible lessons for my students.