Category Archives: Total Dreamboat

Your Sporadic Dose of News for Noobs

Long time no post! We won more moniez, Taylor is back (with less memes and more sparkles), people are storming some goddamn wall on campus, Gossip Girl aired, and it’s almost summer. Here’s a rundown of what is happening/a bunch of rumours in the sextacular AMS.

Secrets, secrets are no fun…

AMS Council had some super secret location discussing some super secret things where the sexy media isn’t allowed. We speculate that half of the meeting will be spent discussing strategies on how to become as popular in the UBC world as Justin Bieber & Perez Hilton are in the real world.

yes, taylor’s back… (her idols at perez’s birthday a few days ago)

After the jump we have some sexy Toope, the no alcohol at Koerner’s shit, and a clusterfuck of AMS rumours…

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Voting for Sexy Candidates is Sexy.

Let’s face it: looks matter. Attractive people succeed in life. Just knowing that Kai and Taylor are extremely attractive individuals is probably enough to get you to read this blog. Their shear hilarity and awesomeness gets you coming back with every post.

Enter myself, Gossip Guy, into the fold, and holy shit, you’re probably checking this site more than twitter and facebook combined. Yeah, I’m vain like that. Deal with it.
There are some sparkle-tastic sexy candidates this year. Choosing solely and purely on looks, who would the Confidential pick? Only the ones that fit our extremely strict guidelines. Sometimes it’s fashion that tickles our fancy, other times it’s someone’s adorableness that fancies our tickle. First up…. Arts.

"oh hai"

Ryan Trasolini

He’s the definition of smarmy. He was the one out there in front of every event, looking awfully cold, handing out his fantastic yellow business cards. That has to be a few sparkle points and a gold star or two in the Unicorn Championships.

Fact is, the man is bold. He can be in your face. He’s not afraid to take chances, just like his seafoam green shirt in the picture. He’s quite adorable and cute, which is evened out by his obviously cheesey/sleazy behaviour.

Ryan Trasolini – we approve. Of everything. Except for that shirt. I fucking hate that colour.


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Guest Post: Little Spoon Sounds Off

In the spirit of what appears to be the new modus operandi for constituency coverage, we’re pleased to bring you a guest post about something we know nothing about: The CUS Referendum (previous article on the subject here). Our guest blogger is a most notable Sauder student (a ‘Saudi,’ if you will), the owner of one impeccable black suit, and a heckuva lady.

Let’s face it—the halls of Henry Angus are abuzz with talk of this building referendum. Walk into the Sauder building and you’re bound to find people in little “ask me!” t-shirts, eyes glazed over from lack of sleep and willing to tell you all the amazing things that will happen in phase two and beyond—all you have to do is vote yes.

FACT #1—VOTE INFORMED…OBVIOUSLY: Let’s be frank here. I’m not going to tell you how to vote, or think, or act. I’m not going to discount cash flows and show fancy graphs and numbers as there are plenty of other blogs doing that. I’m going to tell it like it is, clear and simple, for people that want some sort of honesty before they hit the polls. Chances are though, if you’re a Sauder keener, you’ve already voted. But if not, perhaps you should continue to read this and maybe even comment below, because when all is said and done, it’s really about two things: value and principle.

FACT #2—THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN A TUITION INCREASE AND NOT A STUDENT FEE: When it comes to a student fee, you need to get it voted in by a referendum, convince students to vote yes and achieve quorum, convince the AMS to ratify the referendum results, bring it to UBC’s BoG and then hope to God that the Province doesn’t shoot it down. Sound like a lot of work? Well, it is, and if by some chance all goes well, the funds flow in a rather complicated way: to UBC to the AMS and back to UBC. EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. Money is lost because of handling fees and admin time and quite frankly, it just doesn’t make sense. The reason for this is a tuition cap by the provincial government, and because of this freeze, institutions are finding creative ways of upping the price. This whole building debacle is the equivalent of you going to the back door of the Pit because you didn’t want to stand in line and paying the bouncer, then getting caught by the manager and having to pay him too.

FACT #3—THOSE WHO TRULY BENEFIT FROM THIS ARE THE SAUDER “SUPER ELITE”: There are Sauder students, and then there are the crazy, super-involved, future CEO Sauder students. [Ed. note: our guest may or may not be one of these.] Those are the ones that try to improve the UBC community, beef up their resumes, and they all hang out together in one giant ball of awesome. They are the CUS, the conferences and the clubs. They are the ones that wear suits just because they can, apply to jobs they are not qualified for yet still manage to nail them, and spend more time on volunteer position projects than on class projects; they want to see a Sauder just as good as the Iveys and the Whartons of this world. And they are the ones that will most directly benefit from the better building. The rest? Well, they’ll get an amazing facility all right, but they’d still become the same bookkeepers they would have become had the building never been improved.

FACT #4—YOU DON’T MESS WITH EX-MCKINSEY CONSULTANTS: What has set this referendum apart is backing from alumni. This is both a good and bad thing. You get strong, mature and knowledgeable people putting themselves behind an initiative—but you also get extremely persuasive individuals affecting the results of this vote. And trust me, when an ex-Mckinsey, ex-CUS president and all-round rock star wants you to vote yes, you are going to vote yes, a) because you fear the guy and b) you retain a small hope that one day, he’ll get you a job. That has been my only point of worry during this whole campaign; people unable to voice their opinions because they are afraid that they’ll be ostracized later.

apparently this is how commerce kids apply for jobs

Your browser may not support display of this image. FACT #5—SPEAKING OF MCKINSEY, YOU DON’T MESS WITH A FRENCH MAN: Ladies and gentlemen, my new-found crush is none other than UBC’s VP Finance, Pierre Ouillet. [Ed note: ooooOOOOoooooOOOOooo] This man cut SEVEN LAYERS of middle management and somehow found thirty million dollars to balance UBC’s budget. This man is a hawk, and if Sauder does not manage to cough up enough money to cover their ass, they will have to answer to this guy. He’ll most likely bail out the faculty with newly allowed debt financing and force Sauder to cut programs. But what he’ll also do is cut from other faculties and essentially “slow down” the renovations line so that other buildings slated for renovation, like law and pharmacy, are postponed. Taking our previous analogy further, that’s like having to wait in line at the Pit only to realize that the extremely long wait was because the bouncers had to take care of a pesky customer that got in through the back door.

rawwwrrrr. or, uh, screeeeeech.

Your browser may not support display of this image. FACT #6—YOU’RE DAMNED IF YOU DO AND YOU’RE DAMNED IF YOU DON’T: To get a better school, you need more money, but to get more money, you need a better school. So now what? The way I see it, it’s not about bailing about some ambitious Dean, or punishing the “bad” faculty, or simply building a building. It’s about laying down the foundation (or rather the rest of the foundation) for a better school. Sure, mistakes were made: Dean Dan should have secured financing, the CUS should have taken a more neutral stance and demanded more from their faculty, and the government should have worked together with the University and students so that this would never have happened in the first place.


Your browser may not support display of this image.

In the end, it’s about value and where YOU see it. If you think that $500 a year for four, or five, or six years is worth it, will get you a better degree and ultimately a better job, then by all means vote yes. If you consider this a gross mismanaging of the referendum process (which it was, in a sense) and a sneaky way to increase tuition, then vote no.

But what you certainly must NOT do is not vote at all.


Little Spoon

The Life & Times of AMS Gossip Guy

UPDATE: We just chatted online with GG, and he says that he has been the original all along, and used his Kiwi friend’s name for the VFM form, to cash any cheques. Sneaky sneaky, that one.

Last year on your AMS Elections ballot, you could have voted for AMS Gossip Guy.

This year, he faded into oblivion without any clandestine affairs, tweets, or posts; save for a random one come the UN invasion. Why did Gossip Guy leave us hanging without any scintillating material?

Because, our dear friends, he had left the country.

We wish that it was some hot steamy affair with an executive (insert the need for Fan Fiction here), or even a fellow AMS alias (Eden Hart, anyone?), but alas, we haven’t uncovered any truth to these ponderings.

We have, however, uncovered something else.


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Sparkle Happy Endorsements 2010

Is it that time of the year already?? Oh, how the initial campaign period has flown. They’ve impressed us on the fields! They’ve impressed us in the debates! They’ve left numerous messages in our inbox! But now it’s time to separate the cream from the chaff and give you our top picks (not entire Condorcet rankings, we’re not total wonks) for this year’s round of AMS Elections. Get ready, after the jump, for this year’s

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Who’s Your AMS Princess?

A few weeks ago, we presented a flowchart to help you choose your AMS Prince Charming. In a bout of equal opportunity, we’re presenting to you a lovely flowchart to help you find your AMS Princess. (Editor’s note: due to the lack of visible females involved in hackery, and due to popular demand, we have included our cute little faces).

Click the picture to expand the beauty.

So, who was YOUR Princess? See what the results say after the jump. (For those not fluent in Princess-speak, the below goes left to right)

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A Life Size Dreamboat!

Well, today was a little more exciting. Hottie Ekat squared off against Michael in a rather dull debate of generic answers (apparently- this editor was running a little late). Do Me Now Duncan asked the candidates to show some personality, in which Ekat stood up and tried her hardest to garner enthusiasm from the crowd, whereas Michael just tried to re-emphasize his previous points. These candidates are quite different; Michael is studying political science/philosophy, put the words “Let’s Rock This Shit” on his posters, and was wearing plaid. Ekat is a Commerce student who wants to “Build a Better AMS” and was channelling her inner Blair Waldorf with a fabulous peacock headband. Hopefully tomorrow’s debates will allow us to tell the candidates apart a bit better and deem one a dreamboat.

Then came the Board of Governors debate. Guillaume was rocking a crisp suit, Azim was channelling his inner frat boy and Bijan with a pullover, Blake was wearing his classic camouflage (khaki green and khaki), and Sean Heisler was looking radiant in real life. Yes, Sean Heisler couldn’t be at the debate (he’s debating in Winnipeg) so he sent a LIFE SIZE CUT OUT OF HIMSELF along with a proxy. If that’s not sexy, we’re not sure what is. These editors are sswwwooonnning with love, especially after saying that “Defying Gravity” is his campaign theme song (Wicked! Glee! Love!!). Such a dreamboat.

The Board of Governor’s debate was definitely the most interesting, though this editor was still a little bored. Here are some interesting quotes, and we definitely recommend coming out to see the continuation: VP Admin, VP Finance, & Board of Governors Debate in the Norm Theatre, 12-130pm.

The notion that the relationship between the AMS and the University is somehow damaged is absolutely ridiculous.
-Blake Frederick

I violate my values on a daily basis. (crowd erupts in awkward laughter)
-Blake Frederick

I would like to see sprouts growing.
-Rodrigo Ferrari-Nunes on what he would like to see at UBC if he had a magic wand as VP Academic

We’d love to see some more personality from the candidates, so please, stop playing it safe.

Also! We received our first fan mail today! A former dreamboat and current candidate made us a UNICORN HORN. That’s adjustable. We’re currently accepting other kinds of love (ahem, endorsements hey?).

Delicious Debates, Part 2

Well, the debates have come and gone. Unfortunately, they were rather mild-mannered but we were glad to see the great turnout.  In particular we were happy to see you, loud clapping groups who were there solely to give encouragement to your candidate of choice.  Your presence reminded us of why we’re drawn to politics: a deep and abiding love of the sportsmanship and enthusiasm the scene sometimes embodies.

For the Presidential debate, we were glad to see the arrival of a joke candidate, Pak Ho! Or…is he? We’re not sure what to make of a dude whose slogan is “serious business.”  Sean Kim was looking excellent in his suit, and Bijan dressed to match his poster in some black/beige getup as Natalie rocked the blazer.  Hands down, this race will be between Bijan and Natalie, and looks to be a close one. Bijan had no problem citing his resume and was acting flamboyantly “politician” whereas Natalie came across incredibly genuine and focused on interacting with students and businesses.Her leadership experience in the past coupled with those beautiful, wavy blonde locks had us going googoogaga—as did her wicked black suede pumps.  Who knew the plaid contingent could coordinate jeans & heels??  Forestry lady is hawt hawt hawt, professional, and humble, and for this we deem her our first female Dreamboat.

This is what equity looks like (?)

The VP External debate was the most lively by far, with Timkachu, Stas (sans baby and wearing the exact same outfit as seen on his posters), Jeremy “Mr. Beret” McElroy and Aaron Palm taking the stage for debate about Translink, housing, and….gasp! TUITION. Aaron Palm was kicking some serious Sarah Palin ass, representing Texas-style with his cowboy hat and strong drink. He dared to say what none of the other candidates wanted to (minus Timkachu): our tuition really isn’t that high, and its acceptable for tuition to rise at the rate of inflation. Tim represented sweater-vest style and got in some passionate shouty bits, but all hilarities and unicorns aside, Mr. Beret himself was dominating this debate.  Although we hear some candidates went so far as to bring their opponents’ platforms to the debate, he came across as extremely prepared and articulate.  Plus, as we’re suckers for good design, his website is definitely the most beautiful.  Sorry, Johannes, but these editors were swooning over his platform. Look at this thing.  It’s sex in a .pdf.

My photoshops: like buttah

For the VP Finance debate, the Invisible Man failed to show up. Or…did he? Apparently he is an amazing kisser, and we’d like to find out more about this candidate. Perhaps he could return our glittery survey? Unfortunately, since his presence was unclear, this debate wasn’t, therefore, a debate and was over within a few minutes. On the plus side, Elin (totally rocking skinny black jeans, a black belt with a wide silver buckle, and the most professional plaid shirt we’ve ever seen) was looking super sexy and thus…sexier than the Invisible Man.  If any of you ladies have seen or experienced this stud, we’d love to hear the gossip.

Our loins are aching…

for this hot piece of Bijan ass!

so flexible!

Bijan, aka Sex on a Stick, has obviously been practicing his Bennnnd and SNAP! in preparation to swoon the ladies and gentlemen of UBC beginning January 18. The above pornography ballet performance was leaked and we can’t help wondering what fun he likes to have NOT in clothes? For this, Bijan is our Total Dreamboat of the hour or so. <3

so bendy!

Our Hearts Splutter Hyperactively

As anyone who was within a 30-foot radius of our collective ear-splitting shriek this morning knows,


in the Continuous VFM.  (Vote here!)  THREE WHOLE PER CENT.  It is like a gift from heaven, except it is from you all.

With tears in our eyes and booze on our breath (yeah, Mariah got nothing on us), we’d like to thank the Academy, our agent, our publicist, and all the wonderful candidates who have worked so hard to be so very, very sparkle-able.

Speaking of which, we have a Very Special Three Per Cent Thank You for all of you, our lovely viewers.  We’re proud to present our very first BREAKING NEWS EXCLUSIVE:

Interesting… and brilliant… and mysterious… and perfect… and beautiful… and possibly able to lift full-sized vans with one hand.

About three things we are absolutely positive. First, Edward is a vampire. Second, there’s part of him — and we don’t know how potent that part might be — that thirsts for our blood. And third, we are unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

Thanks for voting, charming viewers.