Recently, I’ve started reading Running in the Family by Michael Ondaatje, a set of memoirs about the author’s return back to his homeland, Sri Lanka, after staying away for so many years in Canada. One of the larger themes in the book is identity, especially when there’s a disparity. As person who has three different citizenships, identity became a huge struggle and conflict growing up.

In Running in the Family, Michael Ondaatje, a Sri Lankan, Dutch, Canadian, had to deal with the problem of going back to Sri Lanka, or Ceylon as he calls it, despite not having lived there in so long. This caused him to be treated like a foreigner, despite the country being his homeland. Furthermore, some aspects of the land and his family seemed different to him, giving Michael this alienated feeling that made him wonder if he can be considered to be from Sri Lanka.

It was as if he was this odd black sheep in a herd of white sheep. This perception of estrangement is one that I can deeply relate to considering my background.

Growing up as a Jordanian-Taiwanese-Canadian, I found it pretty difficult trying to learn and develop in Jordan or Taiwan. Despite living in both countries for years, most people treated me like a foreigner because I didn’t have the aura or act the social norms of either of those places.

A big part of how I view myself is both of Arabian and Far Eastern, because I have taken on the cultures of both areas. Even though I could speak Arabic or Mandarin and knew how Jordan and Taiwan functioned, people saw me as a peculiar alien. Although I may be an outlier to the locals of Jordan or Taiwan, I still believe that my roots lie in both places and proudly take on both nations as my identity.

I feel like I can trace back to Michael Ondaatje’s emotions of all the new changes in Sri Lanka after coming back, because I’m experiencing that anxiety as well. When I finally travel back to Jordan and Taiwan, the places where I spent most of my life, after a year in Canada, will the country be any different? Will I still be able to understand how the culture works? What new changes will there be and will I be ready to see them? Will I be able to see Jordan or Taiwan the same way again with the newfound knowledge I’ve gained through university? Most importantly, will I still be able to identity myself as Jordan and Taiwanese? These are the questions I have been pondering as I read through Running in the Family, a book that truly tugs at my heartstrings.