One day, a student told me he loved me, and the entire school – forever. I told them that was very sweet and asked them what love means. They responded, “I don’t know, but probably a good thing.”
Another day, this same student, mistakes a social cue and becomes ridden with anger. After multiple conversations and grounding strategies, the student can’t regulate, and erupts in tears as they collapse into me for a hug.
As this student reminded me, this life is inevitably full of paradoxes.
Love and hate. Hope and fear. Wisdom and ignorance. Giving and taking. Moving on and waiting. Life and death.
We often identify when we are at one end of the spectrum or the other. We focus on these binaries. And it can feel like a lot of work to get from one end to the other.
But the reality is a lot of life happens somewhere in between.
Balance is not necessarily always feeling love, hopeful, wise, and patient, but rather being able to become grounded throughout the fluctuations that come and go.
In science we talk about homeostasis, the perfect balance for our body to function.
What we don’t realize is our body never stays in homeostasis. Instead, we are in a constant state of allostasis.
Allostasis is our ability to adapt to a range of changes and stressors. We get close to balance, but never perfect.
As soon as we accept that we will never be in perfect balance, we are able to see the ebs and flows as fluid, rather than absolutes.
Just like the tides of the ocean come and go, so do the fluctuations of the mind.
And with practice, we can learn to surf the waves.