To: Dennis Tianxiang Deng
From: Benson Lin
Date: July 27, 2022
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Draft: Determining Cause, Impact and a Possible Solution of Expensive Student Housing at UBC
Thank you for submitting this draft for determining the feasibility of reducing housing fees for UBC students. The draft provides background information that details the problems and proposed solutions. The data from the survey support the proposed solution of building University-affiliated student housing to keep up with student demand and enforcing sustainable power consumption measures to reduce costs.
First Impressions:
The draft is well organized, informative, and easy to understand. The research methods are well defined, and the collected data is used to draw a conclusion. The survey questionnaire included in the appendix provides the reader with context in the Data Collection section. Overall the draft is well written but there are some improvements that can be made that will be listed below.
Organization:
The draft is well organized with the use of headings and subheadings. The headings are bolded and appropriately titled which increases readability. It includes a works cited list in proper MLA format. One suggestion that would improve readability:
- Ensuring that the entries within the Table of Contents match the headings of the report so that readers can find the appropriate heading easily.
- One improvement that could be made is to ensure that the font and font size of the document are consistent. Sections up to the Purpose are in size 12 font while the remaining sections have a font size of 10.5.
Abstract:
The abstract describes the housing crisis that British Columbia, and the entire Metro Vancouver region faces. It outlines the importance of affordable housing for students and introduces UBC’s strategy for tackling the housing crisis. The abstract provides background information to give context to the purpose of the report.
- One suggestion is to provide some specific goals from UBC’s Housing Action Plan as it is only introduced broadly.
Introduction:
The introduction clarifies how affordable housing is important for students and sources on why affordability is decreasing every year. The definition of housing affordability is helpful for visualizing the problem in the minds of the reader. The introduction clearly states the problem and the purpose of the report. The research methods are outlined and are easy to understand.
- One suggestion is to include other factors that students have to deal with alongside increased housing costs such as rising food costs, stress from school, and mental health.
- Minor grammar and spelling issues that are listed below.
Data Collection:
The Data Collection section is well organized with subheadings and prompts the reader to refer to Appendix A for the survey questions. The graphs are helpful for visualizing the data, however they should be labeled so that the reader can understand what each graph means (please refer to the textbook). The subheadings for the key findings make this section readable.
- One suggestion is to include some reasons as to why living in close proximity to school is an advantage to students.
- Including proper labeling for the figures.
- Minor grammar and spelling issues that are listed below.
Conclusion:
The conclusion summarizes the results of the data collection and provides several insights to the problem. The proposed solution provides several actions that UBC could take to increase the supply of affordable housing to students and strategies to reduce the cost of living by enforcing sustainable power consumption measures.
- Minor grammar and spelling issues that are listed below.
Grammar and Technical Errors:
Please refer to the following in regards to minor grammatical errors:
Abstract:
- Changing “for” to “out” within the second sentence.
- The last sentence can be rewritten to be more concise to let the reader know whether there are additional improvements that can be made to decrease students’ cost of living.
Introduction:
Background:
- In the second last sentence, the “now more than ever” can be removed.
Statement of Problem:
- In the first sentence, there is a period before ‘and’ that can be replaced by a comma.
- The first sentence in the ‘Metro Vancouver’s Rising Real Estate Values’ subsection, the first part of the first sentence should be rewritten to be more clear to indicate that the university is located next to expensive real estate.
Research Methods:
- The first sentence could be rewritten to be more concise. It can just include the fact that students were provided a questionnaire to answer questions within the Scope of Inquiry.
- The second sentence is unclear.
Data Collection:
- Sentences should not start with a number. The sentence under Figure 2 starts with ‘84%’ and this should be changed to ‘Eighty-four percent. In the same sentence there is a grammatical error that should be fixed.
- In the sentence before Key Finding 1, the word ‘of’ is missing.
- The paragraph about the meal plan can be rewritten to be more concise.
- The ending of the sentence after Figure 5 is missing ‘of’ between ‘70%’ and ‘student’, and it should be rewritten to indicate that students are having difficulty with finding housing.
Conclusion:
Summary of Research:
- The second sentence can become more concise by removing the word ‘does’.
- The second bullet point is missing a period at the end.
Proposed Solution:
- The word ‘great’ is unnecessary in the second sentence.
Revisions
- Matching the Table of Contents with the headings and subheadings of the report.
- Adding more details to the paragraphs in the Abstract, Introduction, and Data Collection sections.
- Self-editing for typos, formatting, and grammar (see note above).
This is a well-written formal report draft that investigates ways to improve affordable housing for UBC students. I hope that these suggestions are helpful. Please feel free to contact me if you have further questions. Thank you.