Peer Review of the Definition Assignment

To : Dennis Tianxiang Deng

From : Benson Lin

Definition Under Review:  https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl30198a2022s12/2022/06/08/tianxiang-deng-definitions-assignment/ 

Peer Review / Term: Global Positioning System (GPS)

Thank you for submitting the definition assignment for lesson 1:3; this is an enjoyable and educational read. Please see the review of the document below with suggestions for improvements.

First Impressions:

The definition document of the term “Global Positioning System” is well-organized, includes helpful figures, and the three definitions are clear and concise. However, the sources of the figures need to be cited. The organization of the “How does it actually locate users?” subheading could be changed to improve readability, please see below.  

Organization:

  • A good introduction to the assignment with a clear and detailed description of intended readers and objective.
  • The bolding and underlining of the headings improve the organization of the document and make it easier to read. The subheadings are clear and inform readers on what to expect. 
  • The two sentences between Figure 1 and Figure 2 and Figure 2 and Figure 3 could be included in the “How does it actually locate users?” paragraph to improve organization and readability. Currently, the two sentences are disjoint and including them into the paragraph will improve the flow of the paragraph. With this change readers will still be able to refer to the figures below. 

Expression:

  • Overall, the expression is clear and the tone is professional: clear, to the point and concise.
  • The lack of technical jargon within the definitions make them easy to understand and read.
  • The parenthetical definition can be improved by making it more concise and by removing unnecessary phrases. 
    • The phrase about how “GPS has become a vital part of our lives” does not add any clarification to the definition and can be removed.

Content:

  • The document is complete according to the assignment requirements; it includes
    • A detailed introduction
    • Three forms of definition
    • Four types of expansion
    • Three visuals
    • A works cited list

 Visuals:

  • All three visuals have detailed descriptions and are correctly labeled and numbered.
    • However, the descriptions of the figures should be capitalized – refer to the examples given in the textbook. 
  • The sources of the visuals should be included – refer to the examples given in the textbook.

 Works Cited List:

  •  An impressive works cited list from varying sources, however the ordering needs to be corrected.
    • The works cited list should be in alphabetical order by the last names of the authors of each work.

Grammar and Typos:

  • There is a sentence in quotation in the “What field can GPS be used?” paragraph that does not have a citation right after it.
  • The last two sentences of the “What field can GPS be used?” paragraph could be joined together with an “and” to be more concise.
    • There is a typo in the last sentence and there should be a “the” before the word “battlefield”.
  • The citations for Stanley’s work are missing the year. 

 Concluding Comments:

Your definition is informative, nicely organized, free of jargon and includes helpful visuals. With the following edits, and a good proofread for small errors, this document can be improved upon:

  • Citing sources for the figures is needed
  • Self-editing for typos and grammatical expression is needed (see note above)
  • Including the year in the citations where it is missing
  • Reorganizing the works cited list to be in alphabetical order

Thank you and please feel free to ask any questions, it has been delightful reviewing your work.