Dear Dallas Green…

Dear Dallas Green,

Seeing you last night was definitely worth sitting through the weird opening band that used two iPhones generating feedback as an instrument. (Seriously, though, where did you find these guys? Near the end of their set, in what can only be described as an act of desperation, the lead singer opened up his wallet and started throwing money into the crowd. Apparently hipsters wearing oversized cargo shorts also like to “make it rain”.)

You were looking especially dapper in your suit and tie, but I kind of wish you could’ve showed off your tats. From one southern Ontarian to another, your performance last night made us easterners proud, despite your usage of the term “just joshing your pickle” and your lack of hockey knowledge. Special thanks for serenading Erin over the phone during Body in a Box. It’s our favourite song of yours, and you kinda made both of our nights.

Anyways, I’ll let you get back to your busy life as a famous musician. I hope you enjoy the rest of your time in Vancouver, and that the unseasonably cold weather is making you feel more at home. Remember if you ever realize that things aren’t working out with Leah, and that you’d much rather be with a poor science student than a wealthy former VJ, you know where to find me.

Hugs and west coast love,

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