How to Procrastinate in University

The coffee is flowing, the highlighters are highlighting, and I haven’t worn jeans in over a week. This can only mean one thing: finals. Studying for finals can get intense, with long library cram sessions and very little sunlight. Every once in a while, you need to give yourself a little break. So here’s a list of ways to successfully procrastinate your studious butt off:

1. Clean your room. How are you supposed to study in a cluttered workspace, after all? If possible, wash every item of clothing you own, organize your shoes according to fanciness and heel height, and go on a hunt for the vacuum around your building.
2. Run around in your underwear. But only if it’s as a part of the 3rd Annual Undie Run. Otherwise you’ll attract some weird looks, and probably be escorted out of Irving by security.
3. Watch cute videos. Cat videos, baby videos, whatever. I recommend this, this, and this.
4. Make up a parody song. This one’s my favourite. Just yesterday I made up one about eclipsed conformers to the tune of “Total Eclipse of the Heart” (if you can come up with anything that rhymes with carbon, let me know). This one can kind of have educational value too. Emphasis on the “kind of”.
5. Go on 9gag. Try to make yourself look like the memes. I’m really, really good at making myself look like this guy.
6. Learn about something, anything, other than what you need to be studying. This can be accomplished by reading a book, watching a documentary, (I’m a fan of watching Planet Earth, myself), or learning world history the fun way by watching Crash Course on Youtube.
7. Go to the beach. First-year residences at UBC are right next to the beach. I assume they designed this so we could have awesome study breaks, complete with tanning and ocean spray. Going back up the stairs can even count as your exercise for the day. Double win.
8. Read this.
9. Distract your friends. Because if you’re not getting any studying done, why should they? I recommend bringing treats so they are less inclined to kick you out. That could also mean making a Hubbard’s/Magda’s run, which is even better. Fuzzy Peaches seem to do the trick quite nicely.
10. Start a new TV show. I watch way too many TV shows for my own good, so if you’re in need of a recommendation, I’ll be more than happy to oblige. Happy Endings is my most recent addiction.
11. Write a blog post about procrastination. Yup, seems to be getting the job done for me.

Very important side note: Procrastination is a dangerous game, kids. Please remember that this blog post is mainly for entertainment purposes, and I in no way recommend avoiding studying for finals by doing everything on this list in a day. Although if you did and still managed to pass, you’d be kind of awesome.

Other side note: I get real studying done, I swear. Just ask the guy at the Education Library front desk, who’s seen me every day for the past week. He comes to work to see me sitting outside Scarfe waiting for the building to open, and then clangs a bell in my face to force me to leave at the end of the day. That’s dedication.