Unscripted Anecdote:
Normal people like me don’t go to game 7 in the Stanley Cup Playoffs. When my sister called me out of the blue on that Monday afternoon at about 4:30 I was wondering what was going on as she was taking my mom to the airport. When answer the phone it was to my surprise that she asked me a question do you want to go to the game tonight? Immediately I was lost for words and said well people like me don’t go to a game 7 in the Stanley Cup Playoffs and she said just tell me do you want to go to the game tonight. I said aren’t you at the airport with Mom? She said I’m here and someone is trying to get rid of their tickets for tonight’s game I was calling to see if you wanted to take Dylan who is my nephew to the game tonight. Instantly I told her it’s a scam Christina don’t fall for it don’t give any money only pay somebody once they give you the tickets but I find it really hard to believe that someone’s at the airport waiting to go on a plane with game 7 tickets in hand. She assured me that they were really nice people who were going back to Melbourne Australia and needed to get rid of the tickets they would take any amount of money so they offered them $150. When really in the playoffs and game seven nonetheless $150 is a lot cheaper than what they should be which is well over $500 per ticket. She asked for my email and told me to trust her so I did. The next thing I knew I received an email from Ticketmaster with two tickets to the game that was about to start in 30 minutes. She raised over from the airport after saying goodbye to my mom dropped Dylan off wearing his connect Jersey which is why he was approached in the first place to go to the game and we were off. We got to game seven of the Stanley Cup Playoffs only 2 minutes into the game and had the cheapest tickets in the house but we’re pretty good seats. I guess normal guys like me do go to game sevens in the Stanley Cup Playoffs.
(speechnotes.com)
Analysis:
- How does the text deviate from conventions of written English?
First of all, my teacher brain hurts reading this over. The text above contains quite a few run-on sentences without proper punctuation, making it very difficult to follow. There are also quite a few missing words and typographical errors that disrupt the fluency of the script. For example, “When answer the phone,” should be, “When I answered the phone.” This could be because I spoke to quickly or mumbled my anecdote or perhaps the microphone didn’t capture a short word properly. The entire text obviously lacks clear structure as well, making it seem like one large block of text. This affects readability and organization. Lastly, I found that there is a regular pattern of repetition which I concluded that it exists due to the unscripted nature of the assignment.
- What is “wrong” in the text? What is “right”?
I have edited the text to the best of my ability and have corrected the many errors that I found. Here is the edited version:
Normal people like me don’t go to Game 7 in the Stanley Cup Playoffs. When my sister called me out of the blue on that Monday afternoon at about 4:30, I was wondering what was going on, as she was taking my mom to the airport. When I answered the phone, I was surprised that she asked me, “Do you want to go to the game tonight?”
Immediately, I was at a loss for words and said, “Well, people like me don’t go to a Game 7 in the Stanley Cup Playoffs.” She insisted, “Just tell me, do you want to go to the game tonight?”
I replied, “Aren’t you at the airport with Mom?” She explained, “I’m here, and someone is trying to get rid of their tickets for tonight’s game. I was calling to see if you wanted to take Dylan, my nephew, to the game tonight.”
Instantly, I warned her, “It’s a scam, Christina. Don’t fall for it. Don’t give any money—only pay somebody once they give you the tickets. I find it really hard to believe that someone at the airport, waiting to go on a plane, has Game 7 tickets in hand.” She assured me that they were really nice people who were going back to Melbourne, Australia, and needed to get rid of the tickets. They offered them for $150, which is much cheaper than the usual price of well over $500 per ticket.
She asked for my email and told me to trust her, so I did. The next thing I knew, I received an email from Ticketmaster with two tickets to the game that was about to start in 30 minutes. She raced over from the airport after saying goodbye to my mom, dropped Dylan off—wearing his Canucks jersey, which is why he was approached in the first place—and we were off.
We got to Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Playoffs only 2 minutes into the game. Although we had the cheapest tickets in the house, they were pretty good seats. I guess normal guys like me do go to Game 7s in the Stanley Cup Playoffs.
I find that quotation marks, commas, and paragraphing was the easiest way to fix the piece. All of the grammatical errors and lack of punctuation aside, the anecdote did deliver some sort of story which included a beginning, middle and end. The story is fairly entertaining and could be served as a decent conversation between friends.
- What if you had “scripted” the story? What difference might that have made?
In my opinion, scripting the story prior to using Speechnotes would have significantly reduced many of the errors that I found. I would have definitely felt more confident in my delivery, resulting in a louder and clearer presentation. Reading from a script allows a person to carefully consider their words, eliminating the need to worry about proper language usage. I found myself thinking about tenses and run on sentences while trying to complete the story. I was too busy conveying the expressions of the written text rather than my own spontaneous thoughts. While using Speechnotes was simple to create this story, I hesitated quite a bit, which sometimes led to issues with the program. However, if I had been reading the story fluidly, sentence by sentence, I believe Speechnotes would have captured it more accurately.
- In what ways does oral storytelling differ from written storytelling?
I feel that writing, in a way that mimics real speech, requires a talented skill set and a creative approach. Some authors or even some screenplays that I enjoy, often are the ones written with the most realistic dialogue. Quintin Tarantino for example writes dialogue with such realism that oral and written storytelling can become like blurred lines in a movie. Oral conversations and stories sometimes tend to be less precise and much more casual than written works (Gnanadesikan, 2011). As a result of this, the tone and expression used in spoken language greatly influence the story, which a program may fail to capture accurately. Sometimes, oral storytelling needs more than just words. Cadence, body language and even someones delivery or tone can do much to a story spoken between people. However, it could also lead to miscommunications and challenges understanding each other. I agree with Gnanadesikan (2011), who states, “Spoken words, by contrast, are inherently ephemeral. So written language seems more real to us than spoken language” (p. 4). On the flip side, Speechnotes also missed much of the expression and obvious punctuation that really helps a written piece along and without that, writing can become confusing and difficult to follow. When voice to text software is able to accurately detect expression it will make a big difference for those who use the program.
References
Gnanadesikan, A. E., & Wiley Online Library. (2011). The writing revolution: Cuneiform to the internet (1. Aufl.; 1 ed.). Wiley-Blackwell.
