June 22, 2018
I laid on the grass, as I supervised my kindergarteners who were on a day field trip with the rest of the school: the group (of males and a female) under my care ran back and forth between their castles, two large rocks, and created an elaborate imaginative game of knights, kings, and seals with their swords, which were the “slap on wristbands” that we had provided for dividing groups.
What gave me a profound fascination and shudder was the fact that I was once amongst these children. I remember a time long past when I was kindergartener and I also had participated in these kind of games. Instead of knights, kings, and what not… we played power rangers, with our magical powers, running back and forth from various bases, which were the opposite fences on the concrete parking lot that was our playground. (I even had an imaginary pet dinosaur back in the day…)I find it hard now to imaginatively immerse myself in such a situation: I do not do well in “pretending” to do something. I need to actually do it in order to learn and grow. Furthermore, even the notion of pretending that my colleagues are grade 1 students and teaching to them is on the verge of being abhorring to me. Yet, once upon a time, I was so acquainted with an imaginative style of playing. What happened to me?
Frankly, I think it is the my developmental process and joy of finding philosophy in my early teenage years and my emotional disconnection from my family during my elementary years. Nevertheless, I very much think of myself as a creative person, though I function much more freely and joyfully within clearly defined parameters… otherwise, I just set my own.
On another note, as I was observing this group of boys play their game, one of our kindergarten girls was also sitting upon the rock amongst them and she wanted to join them: they would not let her. Why? Was it because she was female? Was it because there was not much commonality amongst them and her? Was it because she could at times be imposing and, I daresay, somewhat socially awkward? What is the challenge in making a friend?
The child came to me, and she expressed her concerns. I thus told the boys to let her join. She ran with them for a bit…. but they excluded her again. In my mind, I began to think: If they do not want to include her in this imaginary game that they invented, should she not simply walk away and find her friends? When I was in Kindergarten, I did not have this issue; I would have been one of the boys, and I would have participated in their imaginary game…. Yet, would I have been disheartened were they to shun me? I do not know, yet I do not think so… For years, I have been accustomed to managing my own, and I would happily step away from a group that was not interested in having me participate in their activities or anything as such. I know what I want and who I am; their desires and conceptions of me is not a major concern. When that girl came to me the second time, I invited her to sit beside me, and I asked her, “Katie, who is a friend of yours in the class?” She began listing a few of the other girls. I encouraged her to spend time with her friends. Why? Because these are the people that have demonstrated that they accept her, and are willing to be with her. Should this not be the case? What is one to do when they are rejected by a group, yet they want to be part of the group?… I personally think that, if a group were to have a mentality of rejection towards me, I would not be desirous of joining them (Mind you I come from a position of transiency, wherein I have never felt fully invested in many communities, with the exception of two previous contexts in my life that have ended and changed).
When Katie grows up, she will most likely remember this part of her life: the rejection… but hopefully the friends as well. When the boys grow up, they will most likely remember the imaginative play that they engaged in… but hopefully that it was done with others and that they had been given the opportunity to include…