Archives: stress

What is Important?

Today I had to take my first sick day.  I didn’t plan on ever being sick during my practicum.  Fueled by my desire to be a “perfect” teacher, my ambitions had pushed me over the edge.  I believe that the stress of practicum is real.  It is very real; however, sleeping for 17 hours today to nurse my illness made me realize how unimportant everything else in life is compared to one’s own health and sanity.

I am not saying this to be selfish but it is true.  We must always look out for #1 first then take care of other things after.  This makes sense right?  This program has been an extremely challenging experience for me and without the support of loved ones and classmates, I would not be here writing this post.

My relationships, my job, and my welfare are all important to me.  The stress that these aspects of my life put on me are enormous (and I’m sure on everyone else).  I do stress out easily but I manage to keep a calm and cool exterior.  I’ve heard this phrase “fake it til you make it” uttered so often by people around me (teachers and non teachers), it makes me wonder if teaching is more about improvisation than anything.  Perhaps it is better to have a rough plan of the day’s itinerary than to hammer out the minute by minute details.  If things go awry, as they often do, then I’m left with a seemingly ruined timeline and a frazzled brain.  I cannot do this day in and day out!  If there is anything that spring break has taught me, it is that I need need need time to relax, breathe, sleep, and exercise.  My goodness did I need it!  I got sick right at the start of spring break and now that it’s over, I am sick again.  Does my body have a practicum clock that goes off when it knows it has to go into “stressed out teacher” mode?

I plan on teaching tomorrow because it is an important day and because I dislike convalescing for hours upon hours on end in my boring room.  I looked at my day plans- they are so detailed.  This is good.  I look at it with a sense of ease now.  I panicked before but today I am not panicked.  Why?  Because it finally dawned on me that I can be “imperfect”.  I am here to learn and to make mistakes.  I can always rectify mistakes later.  The main thing is recognizing and acknowledging these mistakes and evolving as an educator from them.  Interact naturally with the kids and don’t be a totalitarian.  Take their temperature….

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Ainby Tap

This morning I had the privilege of doing ice breaker games with special needs students.  I started off with reading the bulletin and attendance. I wanted to energize the tired students so I did a “sit down” game.  This was fun because there only turned out to be 2 winners but I gave chocolate to all students anyway.  They all deserved chocolate for participating!

I then proceeded to learn their names and interests.  I used images from an old calendar and had them choose their favourite picture.  I went around the table to ask them to say their name and why they chose the picture they did.  The purpose of the exercise was to encourage them to talk about themselves and to share this with others.  After that, it was revealed that they had to leave half an hour earlier than I originally planned.  I decided to just do the fun activities.  I asked if they would be interested in doing Art trivia and they said yes!

I found a list of “easier” art questions and one of the students got nearly all of them right!  Super impressive.  She even impressed my SA and the other special needs workers.  Who knew she was so brilliant?  After the trivia, I had each of them contribute to a collaborative drawing.  Each of them had about a minute or two to draw something on the paper.  Afterwards, I put the collaborative drawing up in the room.

My second class was a ceramics class.  This was also an introduction day.  I could sense from the beginning I was going to face resistance from some of the children. There were eye rolls, whispers, and stares while I spoke.  Someone went so far as to alter my name on the outline I gave him/her.  I began to feel uneasy and wanted to hide but I couldn’t.  I knew that I had to keep my composure and bear on.  I must not waver.  After a week and a half of “holding it in”, I released all my emotions after the class was over.  I was feeling emotionally drained and stressed from all the planning and lack of sleep.  I spoke to my SA and she said I needed to take care of myself.  The most important thing was to realize that I am doing my best, that I show confidence, and to not take things personally.  What affected me more than anything was the supposed teasing from a particular group of students.  I could sense they were unhappy with my approach to art making.  I don’t want to disappoint but how do I keep going?

I spoke to another student teacher from a different program and she too was feeling like bursting into tears.  We shared stories and explained that we are in this together.  It is a learning experience and that’s all it is.  I will take my SA’s advice and sleep earlier.  I know that without proper rest, I have difficulty functioning.  And with that, I will call it a night.

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