It is a Sunday afternoon in 1995. The sun is shining brightly onto the soccer pitch. Two groups of excited athletes are warming up for their weekly competition. The team parents are cutting the oranges for half time and the refs are putting up the soccer nets and corner flags. On the hill sits a young boy. A 10 year old boy who is eager to watch his older brother compete. This boy’s father is also the head Coach of this soccer team. With dad being the Coach and his older brother being a player on the team, the young boy came to every game. Excited to refill water bottles, eat spits and to be the number 1 fan. Being the number 1 fan, of course he knew every player’s name and every jersey number. As the boy is an aspiring athlete himself, he hopes to gain knowledge from observing these games. This team was extremely successful and won many tournaments, leagues and championships. What this little boy doesn’t know at the time is that the Coach (his dad) would inspire him to pursue coaching which will become his life long journey and passion.
As you all probably figured by this point that the “little boy” is me. My father, John Wildman coached my brother’s soccer team at Surrey Youth for over 8 years. Over these years my dad created amazing relationships with all the athletes he connected with. My dad, being a 6’2 Englishmen, optically could come across as intimidating. However at the end of the day, Coach John was a gentle giant. He earned the respect of the athletes, the refs and the parents. Coach John would always go the extra mile. As much as he was competitive and the team was EXTREMELY successful he always went the extra mile in everything he did. He always made sure an athlete was fed and if necessary he would pick up athletes to give them rides to the games if their parents were working. During some heated games, when the testosterone is running high within the boys on his team, he was always was able to calm his athletes down, make them focus and get the best out of each one of them.
Seven years later I took the helm of coaching my first team (Gr 8 Fleetwood Park Boys Volleyball Team). Excited to impress my father I wanted so much for this team to be successful. Just like my older brothers soccer team, I wanted to have the respect of the athletes and the subsequent results on the scoreboard. During one of the games that my dad came out to watch, one of my best players was having a bad game. I subbed the athlete off and as a rookie Coach I gave the athlete the gears and sent him to the back of the bench. His shoulders slouched and his head hung to the floor. The athlete, (clearly defeated) stood in the background pretty traumatised with the experience and the interaction. We ended up winning the game and I was overly stoked I did it in front of my dad. As I was looking for my dad’s approval at the end of the game, I got the silent treatment the entire way home. He was upset but I didn’t know why. I, as the Coach was beaming from ear to ear. Finally, I asked him why he was mad. He turned this around on me and asked me “how did I want to be remembered”? I answered as many young Coaches would, “I want to win the championship”. He responded with, “there are too many I’s in your answer and it’s not about winning.” I was shocked, I didn’t understand. I just watched his soccer teams win everything you could possibly win. How could it not be about winning!
Over the next 18 years, my father would watch me Coach many volleyball games at the school and club levels. Through the years, he would help and guide me but he would never give me the answers I sought outright.
In May 2020, I got accepted into the Masters of Coaching Certificate program at UBC. My father was my first phone call. Like any father he was proud and excited for me. On June 3, 2020 my father suddenly passed away, 6 days prior to the beginning of the course. Through this horrible time, athletes from over 20 years ago have sent me their deepest condolences. Many of them bringing up fond memories and stories of interactions that Coach John had with them over the years when they played on his team with him as their Coach. Coach John’s interactions created life-long relationships and bonds. He loved his athletes and his athletes loved him.
Coach John, you will be always remembered by your family and all the athletes that you inspired whether knowingly or unknowingly.
As a Coach I can only aim to be as influential as you were with your athletes. Thank you for being my continued inspiration to Coach. I am always learning but I realize the lesson he taught me on the way home from one of my first wins as a Head Coach. It’s not about the “I’s” it’s about the athletes, the process and your interactions which will have a long lasting impact on each one of them.
John Wildman 1955-2020
One Comment
What a fitting tribute to your Dad that you have penned here David. He was an extremely wise individual. You and your brother take after him in so many ways that its hard to keep track. Like you, I learned a lot from John. We are all so more enriched as human beings for having the privilege of knowing him. He’ll be forever missed.