COACH WILDMAN

Well seeing that most all my blog posts have had positive spins; I am going to journey down a different road here and have a little vent session.  We are going to dive deeper into issues that “Grinds My Gears”.

The long-lost art of valuing values.  Over the past 20 years I have been thrown into many different situations coaching.  Some on the court, others off the court, and then some on an administration level.   Now before I start going down this deep dark path, I am not painting everyone with this brush.  There are some amazing parents, coaches, players out there.  For the purposes of this blog though we will focus more on the negative side of youth sports/society and how youth sports exposes parents and youth who lack “values”.    Ok so back to my rant….

Over the years there has been a larger disconnect on parents/players doing the right thing over not doing anything at all.  This is something we call in 2021 “Ghosting”.  Ghosting is the art of ignoring phone calls, emails, or other forms of communication due to the fact they fear having a tough conversation.  Let me give you an example.  A player gets an offer on a team, the parents get an email, the player gets an email.  We wait for some sort of response.  *cricket* We send a follow up just because you never know there always could be the chance of technological issues. *still crickets*.  The player has decided to go to another team. This is something we find out from an outside source.  Sometimes after maybe 5-6 emails we will finally get a response stating they went elsewhere.  I’m not mad they went elsewhere.  Truly I am not, for every one that leaves there are five to take their place.  The part that is infuriating is that why couldn’t that parent or player just email/phone right off the get go and say it.  This age of youth are all afraid of the tough conversation.  They shy away from it.  Not only do they shy away they run as fast and far from it as possible.

Through out the years I have seen so many parents manipulate rules/regulations.  Parents that get overly involved always find ways to use situations for the advantage of their own child.  Is sport not supposed to be a team game?  Are we not trying to teach our kids how to play nice in the sandbox?   Instead we have parents trying to find shortcuts, and gaps in the system.  Things such as recruiting and playing time are the first two to come to mind.  Like any provincial association, they will always fall on the parent’s side regarding these types of situations.

Things never used to be like this.  This has been a snowball effect over decades.  Again, not all parents and players are like this.  I had a player the other day email me, call me Mr. Wildman and thank me for providing her an opportunity to tryout.  She then went on to say she has accepted a spot at another club.   I was so happy for this kid I made sure to write her back, and her parents to let them know what a great job they have done.   When we as coaches have such impact on impressionable youth, it provides opportunity for us to mold these kids for the future.  With that it should go without saying that basic ethical values should be implemented on a home front prior to them stepping foot into sports.  You would think this would be a fundamental principal to any parent 101 course to teach their children these values.  But how can we as the coach be mad at the kid.  Normally the apple never falls too far from the tree.

And that is what

GRINDS MY GEARS

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2020 has thrown many people curve balls for individuals and families due to the Covid-19 world pandemic.  These hurdles have not just hurt people financially but also have caused lasting scars physically and mentally.  I am no exception to this unfortunate world event.

This year started off with great optimism and excitement with one of my volleyball clubs strongest U18 teams hitting the courts for the Volleyball Alberta circuit.  This team was composed of 12 amazing young women and a great coaching staff.  With the Volleyball Alberta season starting in early Jan 2020, the team showed great promised in early tournaments.  The team travelled the Las Vegas and had a great showing there in early February.  With rumblings of this virous in the continent of Asia, it was something on the radar for people to listen to on the news, but really it was business as usual.  Through the first two ranking tournaments in the U18 VA tournaments the team had 2 great top 8 div 1 results.  This did not just put them as Div 1 team through the entire province but put this team as a competitor to win the provincial banner for the first time in club history at Div 1.

Then March 15……..  With the NBA, NHL, and other big sporting leagues shutting down, the collapse of modern day society was well in motion.   Like the big leagues, the minor leagues, and the youth sports world would unfortunately follow. This pandemic would bring complete chaos and uncertainty to athletes looking to pursue post secondary. Athletes last games happened without them even knowing.  The hardships of  financial uncertainty would also become very relevant to a vast amount of teams, clubs, and associations moving forward.

As the 2 week lockdown moved into 3 weeks, then month(s), the ripple effect of this pandemic went from being a small rumble to a 7.0 earthquake.  Businesses and facilities shut their doors for good, sports teams at the post secondary levels lost their funding, and athletes/people were left with so many unknowns.  As a club director, a coach, and an ambassador to the sport it was unsettling to have know firm timelines when this will end.  Trying to answer emails and phone calls daily from concerned parents, players looking to me for guidance and direction.  People were frustrated, angry, and sad.  How could this year get any worse?

But then when you think it could not get any worse, it does!  My father passes away at the age of 64 suddenly and unexpectedly.   Less then a week later I started my masters in high performance coaching at UBC.   Not in any mindset to do this, I fight through it to make my late father proud.  Within this time my wife is 8 months pregnant, I have a volleyball facility shut down with no financial stability in place.  My physical and mental health start to take a beating.  2020 has been one of the most stressful years of my entire life on so various levels.

Then August 28 comes,  myself and my wife welcome our first born to this wild and crazy world.  It is hard to fathom but in that moment, all the problems, all the stress, all the worry vanished.  A moment of pure bliss.  All those negative thoughts turned into thoughts of hope, excitement, intrigue, love and happiness.

Being a first time father this gave me a chance to reflect and look at things in a different light.  I was able to reflect on things that I have done repetitively for years.  It started to make me look at on prioritizing what was most important.  Making sure that I value my time as a coach and entrepreneur, but as a father.

As I move forward into the last two months of 2020 I am focusing less on the negative and more on the positive.  I am trying to focus more on controlling the controllable and letting go of the things outside of my control.

The world is fast moving and my lifestyle as a coach, businessman, and student is the same. But looking back on 2020 and all the situations it has dealt me, the one thing I will take away is valuing “the moment”.  Every moment is precious, every moment means something.  If it is the final moment of an athletes volleyball career, or the moment you say goodbye to a loved on a zoom call not knowing you will speak to them again, or watching the first breathe of air from a new born, each one has value.

Time to forgive and forget the things that wont matter years down the road.  Create more moments providing, loving, cherishing, and valuing. Bring on 2021!