Skip navigation

Tag Archives: coach wildman

The Zookeeper

Throughout the years of coaching, I have been on the front lines observing how society is constantly changing and how sports are evolving. In December 2019, I got a chance to go to Pittsburgh to see the NCAA final 4 in the sport of volleyball.  This event was massive, with a huge coaching conference connected to the event.  Taking everything in it provided a chance to learn more about the sport, learn more about different technologies within the sport, and to network with the various coaches/companies in the USA.   I’m a strong believer that Canada is normally 5-10 years behind everything the states does regarding the industry of youth sports.  Having a chance to network with various club “OWNERS” not directors, not volunteers…. “OWNERS” I got a very vivid realization on the “business of sport” within the USA.

Coming from a family of successful entrepreneurs, I have had the opportunity to observe many family members in their specific skill set which had positive influence to grow a business.  My grandparents moved here with two suitcases back in the day and were able to build a successful Harley Davidson dealership which provided opportunity for my father and uncle but also myself and my brother.  My grandfather is probably one of my biggest mentors, and I would always sit attentively in his office as he told me tricks of the trade.  Even though owning a motorcycle dealership was not my specific calling I still refer back to these words of wisdom while coaching and running one of the largest volleyball clubs in Canada.

Back 20+ years ago I never got into sport to create a business.  I went to college for a little bit where I played volleyball, but then moved onto trade school where I got my Journeyman plumbing ticket.  After that I pursued my power engineering where I got my certification as well.  Coaching was always a hobby, and it costed more money to coach then anything.   A golf shirt and a possible gift card at the end of the year.  Not ever expected but was graciously accepted.  I never thought I would be here today in regards to coaching.

As society changes and expectations by players, and parents grows, the dynamic of youth sports has drastically changed.  In Canada there are many mom/pop types of sports teams.  These are the one/two team types of clubs and associations.   Many reasons why these exist.  Canada is not as populated as the states, funding, and other various reasons.  Now 20 years later you see larger organizations in all sports.   Hockey and Soccer are hugely popular and generate substantial amounts of money.  The larger clubs/associations having head offices, their own buildings, and full-time employees.  Volleyball is also heading that direction.

As numbers grow and the needs of the club/teams/parents/players/coaches increase there is no possible way of running such a sizable operation by only one volunteer.  Being the face of such a large organization, I sit here on the daily trying to figure out my own way to keep the sport growing, keep the club growing, while managing an entirely different aspect to youth sport.  A close friend and fellow coach who is extremely successful in the corporate world has been my sounding board for years.  I would always ask him how do you do it?  It wasn’t directed at anything related to the sport.  With so many different people, personalities, expectations, needs, wants, the list goes on……. How do you manage them all?   Can you keep them all happy?     Calm and collected, he tells me its like being a zookeeper.  There are many animals in the zoo and your job is to make sure they are all taken care of.  You will never make them all happy, but the art is connecting with each and finding ways to get things done. Managing personalities.

So now I sit here with a board of directors, seventy plus coaches, six hundred parents, and try to manage the zoo.  With an entrepreneurial spirit and a long-term vision, I trek down the path most coaches don’t.  Keeping to a high ethical code and my coaching philosophy, I try and solve different situations and problems as they come.  Through this journey I will make mistakes, but will always refer back to the long chats with my grandad     This is not an easy job, but a job that reflects its success by the smiling faces in the gym and the constant growth of the association.  This is my ZOO and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

UNCHARTED WATERS

Dear World (Athletes, Parents, Administration, Coaches, Board Members, Family)

The year of 2020 brought new strains on anyone and everyone with no limitations as Covid dug its nails into the entire world.  Sitting back on March 15 when the pro leagues got shutdown, I first thought what is the big deal.  These leagues bring in thousands of people into condensed venues so it made sense that this was a good start to prevent any spread.  Over the next two weeks I sat on the phone with many other clubs, coaches, and provincial associations trying to decide what the correct course of action was going to be for kids/youth in amateur sports.  The answers I got were all over the map.  I am the type to listen to all views and then make a decision based on everything that is on the table.  There were so many things rushing through my mind as I played out the scenarios….

  • shutdown for 2 weeks everything back to normal
  • Things go a month and have a modified season
  • Total shutdown of the season with no start-up date.

Now the hard things here is even though there are only three options here, there are about hundred branches that come off the last two, then another hundred branches off those branches.

So now Covid has brought a state on society where some people want to sit in their basement all locked up and wait this thru.  Other people are ignoring the news and trying to live life as per normal.  Then there is everyone in between.

The reality is that as two weeks turn into three, which turn into four then five etc.  The harsh reality is that option three is becoming the only option.

 

 

TOTAL SHUTDOWN WITH NO RETURN

So even though we have solved the first problem, or the answer became more clear overtime, there is at least a clear direction moving forward. Now the next problem comes into play.

  • full refunds
  • 1/2 refunds
  • modified refunds
  • credit for next year

Again, many sleepless nights come into play trying to figure out the solution to one of these four options.  Again, like the ones above there are about hundred different branches on each of these.  You get the point.

What parents and people don’t understand looking in from the outside is the logistics and all the different things into play.  Youth sport is HEAVILY FRONT LOADED. I can’t emphasize how front loaded.  Every year I stand in front of five hundred players and parents and say those exact words.  We have never had a season cancelled so there has never been any issue on refunds or no refunds.  Now we are in a middle of pandemic with people losing their jobs and of course I want to give back as much as possible to help these families during this time.  The reality though is that suppliers have been paid.  Provincial and National associations have never planned for this and totally understandable.  There was no book of rules you go to telling you what to do in this scenario.   Every business, club, association is different when trying to figure out what they can or can not refund.  As a director of the club, I knew that full refunds was impossible.   I knew credit was going to piss people off.  It came down to 1/2 or modified refund.

Now the long days and night on the phone with other clubs and associations trying to figure out what they are doing.  Do you pay the coaches full do you not?  Do we take an admin fee for our time to process everything or don’t we?  How much will vendors give back, if anything? The list of questions goes on and on.

At the end of the day after talking to many clubs and mentors, we (the club) decided to give back a modified refund.  This breakdown was calculated on anything we got back we gave back.  What parents didn’t like was the amounts the third-party vendors gave back.  A problem for some but not for others.  Here nor there something out of the control of the club.  Navigating through uncharted waters myself and the club were able to figure everything out and do our best to serve our participants.

In retrospect looking back trying to solve all these unknowns, I wouldn’t have done anything different.  We provided clear up to date communication with everyone, were one of the largest clubs that processed refunds faster then any other club, while taking care of the heart beat of our club, the coaches.  After a few weeks and months went by, it came to light what other clubs/sports did or did not do.  Some clubs gave more back, some gave less, while others didn’t give anything.  Other groups gave credit, while others just closed their doors forever.

I know when making decisions to solve problems on a grand scale they will not always make everyone happy.  I can say that the decisions made were correct for everyone involved.  We are still here, we are still providing for the communities we serve, and we are even still growing under the shadow of a pandemic.

Even though I find problem solving interesting and intriguing.  I much rather solve a problem like speaking with a parent about playing time over this. Lets hope this never happens again, but if it does we will be more prepared.

Onto the next problem….

The Evolution of Parents In Youth Sports

Being able to coach an individual team and oversee all the teams in the club comes with many exciting unknowns every season.  Thoughts swirl around in my head, including but no limited to:
“how can I get the best out of each athlete I coach to maximize their potential?”
“What split decisions am I going to make during a game that will turn the tides and put in a better place to win?”
“Will the club thrive with the coaches in the roles and age categories they are in?”
“Will we be off better at the end of the season this year than last?”
The intrigue of those unknowns, and the balance between the factors I can and cannot control, against those I can and cannot influence, against those I cannot control at all provides optimism and drive to press for positive outcomes on all fronts. Not all thoughts are exciting however, but the lack of fanfare or allure attached to these thoughts doesn’t make facing them any less necessary:
“Will there be any issues this year?”
“What will those issues be?”
“How can I prepare in advance, in order to address these issues as they occur?”
“Which parent is going to be the one that comes unglued?”
“Will this be the year I just tie up the shoes and say I don’t need this added stress in my life?”

 

Over my entire coaching career I have had to ask myself all of these questions at the beginning of the season.  But as much as I would like to focus on the positives, today we are going to focus on the dark shadow that lurks in the back of the mind of any coach, manager, or administrative body in competitive youth sports.

 

Let’s rewind 20 years ago.  I am in my mid teens playing multiple sports.   I enjoyed playing them all but really enjoyed playing volleyball the most, with rugby and baseball being close behind.  I played on teams of various levels, “house” style fun leagues all the way up to and including high performance, high stakes, ultra competitive teams.  My parents never really pushed me towards one or the other, rather choosing to sign me up if I asked and taking that as an indication that I enjoyed it.  Back then, “private coaching” and “sports psychology.”  were not something that the average athlete participated in while competing in sports. These were emerging phenomenon in their infancy, and words that were only beginning to enter the realm of sporting competition as factors to be taken seriously.  Kids would go to tryouts, both in high school and in the community, and teams would be selected either via a phone call or a list posted on a wall.  With that came a range of emotions for all hopefuls: heart break all the way to excitement.  I experienced the full range of that spectrum, multiple times.  With each scenario came character building and learning opportunities.  The one thing that was consistent in my household was that there was never EVER “hand-holding” or sense of entitlement.  When I made a team I got a pat on the back from my parents and a good job.  When I got cut from a team and I was crying beside my bed I got a rub on the back saying “it’s ok” and a “you did your best.”  At no time was there any hate or ill feelings exhibited by my parents towards the coach who selected the team, or any insinuations of favoritism towards the school or association.  I would handle the inevitable few days of feeling sad or angry, and life would go on.  I would be back outside throwing a ball with my dad, playing basketball with my brother, or throwing a football with friends.   The love never subsided, nor should it have at any time. I moved on and I would be right back there the next year, with fresh initiative for tryouts, with the objective being a better outcome.

 

Over the past 20 years the interaction between coaches/managers/administrators and parents has changed drastically.  My coaching career started in 2001.  In my early days I coached school volleyball and basketball.  I was able to choose teams, make cuts, and plan a season with the team that was chosen. My parents were supportive and happy through the process, even though my role on the landscape had drastically cahnged.  This remained the “norm” for many years. Then, in 2009-2011 I started to see a shift.  During this shift in the landscape, there were more news articles of legendary coaches at the youth level stepping down and more news of parents fighting at hockey arenas. In hindsight, which we often say is 20/20, I don’t see this as an accident. Over these past 20 years I have been able to watch and experience the change in culture that has swept through competitive youth sports.  This change has forced coaches to modify and change how they interact not just with athletes but, perhaps more importantly, with parents.

 

In the past five years, I have had parents demanding in person meetings or phone calls to discuss why their son or daughter was cut. I have fielded abusive emails or phone calls due to their kids, in their eyes, not receiving enough playing time.  Parents have taken it upon themselves to coach from the sideline or fight with other parents.  Parents have openly gossiped, often within earshot, about decisions coaches have made during games. There have been dirty looks and profanity directed at coaches or other parents.  Parents now get upset that their kid was not chosen as captain, or was not played.  Perhaps the most disappointing aspect of all of this, is that these behaviours are directed at coaches who coach for the love of the game and put them in terrible situations that they do not deserve. These are coaches who take time away from their family and their hobbies, in order to develop not only self but others.  2013-2017 saw a massive surge on parents thinking all kids needed to win a medal, whether it was first, second, or participation.

 

Coaches not only need to be masters of their respective technical trades, but also masters in listening, interacting, choosing their words carefully, and acting the amateur physiologist not only in regards to their players but to their players’ parents.  This is the era of lawsuits for the major, the frivolous, and everything in between.  This presents a backup in the civil court system (another matter entirely), that puts disproportionate pressure on critical legal infrastructures and processes. I opened with questions I ask myself at the outset of every season. The new questions include “Where did we as a society go wrong and feel having mutual human respect was not needed:
Saying one thing, yet doing another?
Not responding to emails?
Slandering or fabricating lies to create tension?
Manufacturing animosity?”

 

The new reality is that coaches put themselves in the cross hairs, everyday, doing what they do.  For all the emotional output that we field in a given year, we are capable of emitting emotion too and do so regularly. For me this takes the form of, when I start a season, remembering the player who said “thank you David” or the team that signed the Thank You card. It takes the form of remembering the player who told me my influence played a part in their not slicing their wrists. It takes the form of the player who came back years later to coach after their playing career was over. It takes the form of the parent who shakes my hand and says thank you for everything.  These are the positive interactions that keep me pressing forward on the psychological side of the equation. These are the positive that keep me coming back, making me want to do it again, season after season. I know I’m not alone. This is why many coaches come back and coach again, because  at the end of the day if our interactions with parents and player are able to impact one life in a positive way, that is why we do what we do and it is what makes this all worth it…..

 

(Currently writing a future New York Times Best Seller Stay Tuned)

A TRIBUTE TO MY MENTOR

It is a Sunday afternoon in 1995.  The sun is shining brightly onto the soccer pitch.  Two groups of excited athletes are warming up for their weekly competition.  The team parents are cutting the oranges for half time and the refs are putting up the soccer nets and corner flags.  On the hill sits a young boy.  A 10 year old boy who is eager to watch his older brother compete.  This boy’s father is also the head Coach of this soccer team.  With dad being the Coach and his older brother being a player on the team, the young boy came to every game.  Excited to refill water bottles, eat spits and to be the number 1 fan.  Being the number 1 fan, of course he knew every player’s name and every jersey number.  As the boy is an aspiring athlete himself, he hopes to gain knowledge from observing these games.  This team was extremely successful and won many tournaments, leagues and championships.  What this little boy doesn’t know at the time is that the Coach (his dad) would inspire him to pursue coaching which will become his life long journey and passion.

As you all probably figured by this point that the “little boy” is me.  My father, John Wildman coached my brother’s soccer team at Surrey Youth for over 8 years.  Over these years my dad created amazing relationships with all the athletes he connected with. My dad, being a 6’2 Englishmen, optically could come across as intimidating.  However at the end of the day, Coach John was a gentle giant.  He earned the respect of the athletes, the refs and the parents.  Coach John would always go the extra mile.  As much as he was competitive and the team was EXTREMELY successful he always went the extra mile in everything he did.  He always made sure an athlete was fed and if necessary he would pick up athletes to give them rides to the games if their parents were working.  During some heated games, when the testosterone is running high within the boys on his team, he was always was able to calm his athletes down, make them focus and get the best out of each one of them.

Seven years later I took the helm of coaching my first team (Gr 8 Fleetwood Park Boys Volleyball Team).  Excited to impress my father I wanted so much for this team to be successful.  Just like my older brothers soccer team, I wanted to have the respect of the athletes and the subsequent results on the scoreboard.  During one of the games that my dad came out to watch, one of my best players was having a bad game.  I subbed the athlete off and as a rookie Coach I gave the athlete the gears and sent him to the back of the bench.  His shoulders slouched and his head hung to the floor.  The athlete, (clearly defeated) stood in the background pretty traumatised with the experience and the interaction.  We ended up winning the game and I was overly stoked I did it in front of my dad.  As I was looking for my dad’s approval at the end of the game, I got the silent treatment the entire way home.  He was upset but I didn’t know why.  I, as the Coach was beaming from ear to ear.  Finally, I asked him why he was mad.  He turned this around on me and asked me “how did I want to be remembered”?  I answered as many young Coaches would, “I want to win the championship”.    He responded with, “there are too many I’s in your answer and it’s not about winning.”  I was shocked, I didn’t understand.  I just watched his soccer teams win everything you could possibly win.  How could it not be about winning!

Over the next 18 years, my father would watch me Coach many volleyball games at the school and club levels.  Through the years, he would help and guide me but he would never give me the answers I sought outright.

In May 2020, I got accepted into the Masters of Coaching Certificate program at UBC.  My father was my first phone call.  Like any father he was proud and excited for me.   On June 3, 2020 my father suddenly passed away, 6 days prior to the beginning of the course.  Through this horrible time, athletes from over 20 years ago have sent me their deepest condolences.  Many of them bringing up fond memories and stories of interactions that Coach John had with them over the years when they played on his team with him as their Coach.  Coach John’s interactions created life-long relationships and bonds.   He loved his athletes and his athletes loved him.

Coach John, you will be always remembered by your family and all the athletes that you inspired whether knowingly or unknowingly.

As a Coach I can only aim to be as influential as you were with your athletes.  Thank you for being my continued inspiration to Coach.  I am always learning but I realize the lesson he taught me on the way home from one of my first wins as a Head Coach.  It’s not about the “I’s” it’s about the athletes, the process and your interactions which will have a long lasting impact on each one of them.

 

John Wildman 1955-2020

Spam prevention powered by Akismet