{"id":145,"date":"2022-08-05T10:58:05","date_gmt":"2022-08-05T17:58:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/danaeechblogs\/?page_id=145"},"modified":"2022-08-05T23:20:08","modified_gmt":"2022-08-06T06:20:08","slug":"peer-review","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/danaeechblogs\/peer-review\/","title":{"rendered":"Peer Review"},"content":{"rendered":"<h1><strong>Peer Review &#8211; Definitions Assignment<\/strong><\/h1>\n<p>To: Juanita Kwok, ENGL 301 student<br \/>\nFrom: Danae Echeverria, ENGL 301 student<br \/>\nDate: 10th June 2022<br \/>\nENGL 301 Peer Review<\/p>\n<p><strong>Peer Review \/\u00a0<\/strong>Term:\u00a0 <em>Mortgage\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>First Impressions:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>This Definitions assignment on the term <em>mortgage <\/em>submission for unit 1.3 was an enjoyable and informative read\u2013 it looks like a strong first draft. Please see the review of the document below with suggestions for improvements:<\/p>\n<p><strong>Expression:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Expression is appropriate; however, there are a few transitions from formal to informal regarding word choice:\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li>Omitting the word \u201cslightly\u201d can eliminate the sense of uncertainty and comes off as colloquial.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Grammar\/Sentence Structure:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>There are numerous errors that disrupt the flow and cause confusion in some parts of the assignment:\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li>For example, the first sentence of the introduction is hard to comprehend at first and requires the reader to make a double-take to understand.<\/li>\n<li>A few inclusions of \u201cthe\u201d in places where it is not needed such as at the beginning of the \u201csentence definition.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li>Some sentences could be improved through a simple revision of structure. For example:\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li>Eliminating some commas in the \u201csentence definition\u201d will help connect information together such as how a mortgage is \u201ca loan from the bank\u2026\u201d and \u201cused to fund the purchase of a home\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Content:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>The document displays all requirements to fulfill the assignment criteria:\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li>Introduction and reading situation<\/li>\n<li>Three forms of definition: parenthetical, sentence, and expanded (although, the document states the incorrect name for the expanded definition as \u201cexpansive\u201d)<\/li>\n<li>Four types of expansion<\/li>\n<li>A visual; provides a description of the figure.<\/li>\n<li>Works Cited\/Bibliography list<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Organization:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Overall very well organized\u2014follows a logical sequence that guides the audience through the simple and complex definitions of the term <em>mortgage<\/em>.<\/li>\n<li>The questions used as headings under the \u201cExpanded Definition\u201d section are quite useful as they provide context for the text that follows; however, the document is inconsistent with the presentation of headings.\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li>Presenting bolding and underlining the headings in accordance with their section will create a clearer contrast between their purposes<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li>Formating the types of mortgages or \u201canalysis of parts\u201d as a list will help with concision and allow the reader to document the important information.<\/li>\n<li>The third expanded definition (negation) is more closely related to a \u201ccompare and contrast\u201d definition: it states the differences between a mortgage pre-approval and a mortgage pre-qualification rather than clarifying what the term\u00a0<em>mortgage\u00a0<\/em>does\u00a0<em>not<\/em>\u00a0mean.\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li>Explaining how the contrast between a \u201cpre-approval\u201d and \u201cpre-qualification\u201d contributes to the overall meaning of a mortgage.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li>Adding a short explanation to connect unfamiliar terms such as \u201cpre-approval\u201d and \u201cpre-qualification\u201d to the main definition of the term can help the audience understand the relevance of their inclusion more.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Bibliography:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Citations demonstrate the term was researched using different sources for the assignment.<\/li>\n<li>The visual provided was very useful, it was a great inclusion\u2013 citation for the figure needs to be corrected.<\/li>\n<li>The format of some references in the Bibliography does not fulfill the APA requirements.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Concluding comments:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>This Definitions document was interesting to read and I enjoyed peer-reviewing this work; the assignment is very well done and your technical writing skills are quite strong already. With the few revisions suggested, the second draft will improve in clarity and precision. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions or concerns.<\/p>\n<p>Enclosure: Juanita Kwok&#8217;s Definition Assignment<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/engl30198a2022s12\/files\/2022\/06\/ENGL-301-Assignment-1-3-Juanita-Kwok.pdf\">ENGL-301-Assignment-1-3-Juanita-Kwok<\/a><\/p>\n<h1><strong>Peer Review &#8211; Formal Report Draft<\/strong><\/h1>\n<p>To: Matilda Murray, ENGL 301 student<br \/>\nFrom: Danae Echeverria, ENGL 301 student<br \/>\nDate: July 27, 2022<br \/>\nSubject: Peer review of the Formal Report draft: A Casual Analysis and Feasibility Report on Attracting Customers to The Kings Arms<\/p>\n<p>Thank you for submitting the Formal Report draft. The document, \u201c<strong>A Casual Analysis and Feasibility Report on Attracting Customers to The Kings Arms<\/strong>,\u201d is well-organized and clearly expressed. Below are suggestions and recommendations that will help improve the draft in the revision process:<\/p>\n<p><strong>First Impressions<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li>Writing is <strong>clear and concise<\/strong> throughout the report.<\/li>\n<li>The data section contains <strong>both qualitative and quantitative information<\/strong> that is relevant to the focus of the document<\/li>\n<li>Comparing data from The Kings Arm with other local pubs is effective and proves useful for understanding the problem and potential solutions.<\/li>\n<li>The<strong> Data section is incomplete<\/strong>; the two visuals required for the draft are included\u2014although the second visual breaks off on page 5.<\/li>\n<li>The report is well-summarized in a list and concluded through <strong>valid and reasonable recommendations<\/strong>, showing that a thorough investigation was accomplished.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Introduction<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li>Includes\u00a0<strong>an informative background<\/strong>\u00a0about the London pub, The Kings Arms, for the reader to understand its operating site and what purpose it serves to its customers.<\/li>\n<li>The \u201cBackground\u201d section is clear and concise; however, it is written in a \u201clist-like\u201d and fragmented format:\n<ul>\n<li>\u00a0For example, the first two sentences of the \u201cBackground\u201d both begin with \u201cThe Kings Arms is a pub\u2026\u201d This could become\u00a0<strong>less repetitive by<\/strong>\u00a0<strong>constructing this section with varied language and a more logical structure<\/strong>\u00a0or combining the information to fit into one sentence.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><strong>Making the headings more specific<\/strong>\u00a0can further help indicate to the reader what the succeeding section is about.\n<ul>\n<li>For example, changing \u201cBackground\u201d to \u201cOverview of The Kings Arm\u201d and \u201cMethods\u201d to \u201cMethods of Inquiry and Research\u201d.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li>Overall, the \u201cMethods\u201d section is well-versed but\u00a0<strong>describing the relevance of customers\u2019 smoking habits<\/strong>\u00a0mentioned will give the reader a better idea of the survey\u2019s purpose.<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0The \u201cIntroduction\u201d section ends abruptly;\u00a0<strong>expanding the \u201cScope\u201d section<\/strong>\u00a0with an explanation of the totality of the report\u2019s outputs and benefits as well as the limitations of the investigation.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Data Section<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li>This section is informative and includes a good mixture of quantitative and qualitative research. Well done.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Providing a statement sentence<\/strong>\u00a0or paragraph before\u00a0<em>Figure 1<\/em>\u00a0and\u00a0<em>Figure 2<\/em>\u00a0would help prepare the reader on how to approach each graph:\n<ul>\n<li>For example, the description of the bouncer\u2019s occupancy count written in\u00a0<em>Figure 1<\/em>\u00a0could be used as an introduction to the graph rather than as a subsequent explanation. This is particularly well done in the \u201cInterview Findings\u201d and \u201cSurvey Findings\u201d sections.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><em>Figure 2<\/em>\u00a0is not visible\u2014making sure to format data and visuals in a clear presentation will\u00a0<strong>increase the visual effectiveness of the graphs<\/strong>.\n<ul>\n<li>This includes ensuring the visuals use the same font as the rest of the document.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><em>Figures 1, 2,\u00a0<\/em>and<em>\u00a03<\/em>\u00a0are described as \u201cA graph showing[\u2026]\u201d or \u201cA table showing[\u2026]\u201d but\u00a0<strong>omitting the introductory phrases<\/strong>\u00a0of these descriptions can improve clarity and conciseness.\n<ul>\n<li>The \u201cInterview Findings\u201d section is clear and well-organized, although the \u201cSurvey Findings\u201d could\u00a0<strong>improve by providing more visuals for the data sectio<\/strong>n to help further engage the reader with the statistics.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><em>Figure 3<\/em>\u00a0is an effective display of the estimated costs of refurbishing The Kings Arms beer garden. Since the table is read from the top down,\u00a0<strong>adding a title above the body of the table<\/strong>\u00a0can finalize its presentation.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Conclusion<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Restating the financial issues<\/strong>\u00a0that The Kings Arm is facing from a lack of customers before the list of findings will help refresh the reader on the purpose of the report.<\/li>\n<li>Ensuring to conclude the document with a statement about\u00a0<strong>the importance of attracting customers<\/strong>\u00a0will leave a stronger impression on the reader.<\/li>\n<li>The first recommendation is effectively communicated throughout the document and does not require further explanation; however,\u00a0<strong>including more information and reasons<\/strong>\u00a0for the second and third recommendations can motivate the reader to consider their importance as well.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Organization and Design<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li>Page numbers are included\u00a0<strong>twice on each page<\/strong>; making sure to follow the proper format will improve the professionalism of the report.<\/li>\n<li>The document includes appropriate sections and subsections; bolding the subsections can make them stand out better on the page.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Following the formatting conventions<\/strong>\u00a0for research interview transcripts can help improve the structure of the \u201cInterview Findings\u201d section; this can be done by\u00a0<strong>labeling the data<\/strong>\u00a0with \u201cRespondent: xxx\u201d or \u201cEmployee: xxx\u201d which can make the section appear more formal.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Adding more visuals and applying font suggestions<\/strong>\u00a0to the existing visuals will effectively convey the data collected. The description on the side of\u00a0<em>Figure 1<\/em>\u00a0is useful but requires grammatical attention.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Including a visual of the current \u201crundown\u201d beer garden<\/strong>\u00a0at The Kings Arm and pointing out its flaws will provide the reader with a better idea of how it can be refurbished.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Tone and Grammar<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li>Some sections are\u00a0<strong>written with a sharp tone and odd pace<\/strong>; considering how the reader will interpret the section can help\u00a0<strong>integrate a more positive ton<\/strong>e in the document.<\/li>\n<li>For example, the \u201cFeasibility Assessment\u201d includes a solid summary of the significance of the data collected and how it proves the report\u2019s feasibility; however, the sentence \u201cWadworth owns more than 150 pubs[\u2026]\u201d is sudden and the following sentences lack \u201cYou\u201d attitude writing.<\/li>\n<li>This is also evident throughout the \u201cEstimated Cost of Beer Garden Refurbishment\u201d section.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Avoiding the word \u201cmust\u201d<\/strong>\u00a0can help change the tone from a command to a suggestion.<\/li>\n<li>There are some grammatical and spacing errors throughout the document, but these errors are easily fixable by proofreading the report.\n<ul>\n<li>For example, in Figure 1, the words \u201crestrictions\u201d and \u201clifted\u201d lack space in between.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li>The words \u201cbig\u201d and \u201cbeautiful\u201d are used to describe the enjoyability of the pubs\u2019 beer gardens, but these words are quite\u00a0<strong>colloquial<\/strong>. Changing the word choices to \u201csizeable\u201d and \u201caesthetic\u201d can improve the formality of the report.<\/li>\n<li>In the \u201cRecommendations\u201d section, changing the phrase \u201cyour customers\u201d to \u201cThe Kings Arms customers\u201d will help\u00a0<strong>limit the use of pronouns.<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>Adding commas to introductory clauses<\/strong>\u00a0can let the reader know the main part of the sentence is about to begin:\n<ul>\n<li>For example, in the \u201cFeasibility Assessment\u201d section, adding a comma after \u201cwhen at optimum working capacity\u201d will improve the quality of the sentence.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Summary<br \/>\n<\/strong>Overall, this Formal Report on attracting customers to The Kings Arms pub is an informative and persuasive document; the data collected was relevant throughout the investigation and reasonable recommendations are presented as achievable and realistic. The state of this report can be improved by:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li>Expanding the \u201cScope\u201d section with an explanation of the totality of the report\u2019s outputs and benefits to clearly express the report\u2019s main objectives.<\/li>\n<li>Maintaining a positive tone and ensuring the \u201cYou\u201d writing attitude is consistently used to increase the persuasiveness of the report and assist in receiving a positive response.<\/li>\n<li>Ensuring all visuals are properly formatted and labeled with the same font as the document and adding more and fixing the existing descriptions to help the reader understand the graphs.<\/li>\n<li>Revising grammar and changing word choices to improve the formality of the report.<\/li>\n<li>Restating the financial issues caused by a lack of customers can help refresh the reader on the purpose of the report.<\/li>\n<li>Concluding\u00a0the document with a statement about the importance of attracting customers.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>If there are any questions or concerns about the suggestions above, please feel free to contact me at danaee6720@gmail.com. Best of luck in the revision process.<\/p>\n<p>Enclosure: Matilda\u2019s Formal Report Draft<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/engl30198a2022s12\/files\/2022\/07\/Formal-Report-Draft-MM-1.docx\">Formal Report Draft MM<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Peer Review &#8211; Definitions Assignment To: Juanita Kwok, ENGL 301 student From: Danae Echeverria, ENGL 301 student Date: 10th June 2022 ENGL 301 Peer Review Peer Review \/\u00a0Term:\u00a0 Mortgage\u00a0 First Impressions: This Definitions assignment on the term mortgage submission for unit 1.3 was an enjoyable and informative read\u2013 it looks like a strong first draft. &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/danaeechblogs\/peer-review\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;Peer Review&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91353,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-145","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/danaeechblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/145","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/danaeechblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/danaeechblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/danaeechblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91353"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/danaeechblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=145"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/danaeechblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/145\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":202,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/danaeechblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/145\/revisions\/202"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/danaeechblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=145"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}