I know I kind of suck at writing poems, but I’d figure it’s better to post something up than not posting at all haha.

3

This one is for a special girl who left UBC to go to England 🙁

To honour a beautiful friendship.

A bubbly girl with a colourful dress,

Her lovely soul filled the open air with optimism,

Her smile gave people vitality,

Her magic brought away distress,

her personality was like a story filled with romanticism,

So sweet and modest.

 

Her smiley face made me feel comfortable,

She brought a whole new view to our reality.

She would reassure me,

And take away my insecurities.

 

She was so luminous,

So amable,

So Unbreakable,

So determined to fulfill her goals.

But as the fall approached,

She left me to reminisce.

 

Oh,

A room dominated by pictures,

A collection of life bites,

of meaningful secrets,

of warm adventures,

of comfortable hugs,

of Us.

Memories of a summer full of joy,

laughs that will never be forgotten,

Oh,

You are gone and I’m left with nothing to enjoy,

Without you it’s not the same and you’ll remain unforgotten.

 

 

 

A weird poem… this just came up to me…

 

A primrose.

 

Remember those seeds we planted?

They have grown into a splendid primrose,

Her petals are silky, roseate,

Full of a long lost passion.

Her stem so elegant and long,

Exactly how we expected her to be.

 

Memories of her,

Us,

And I’m haunted.

Your presence is felt everywhere,

Part of you is still with her,

Sadness is spread across the field,

Covered by a layer of dimness,

The home where she resides.

But she is sparkling,

Leaving a chance for hope.

 

Wondering is all I do,

When will you return to admire her beauty?

I am wishing upon her ,

For your return,

And her perennial miracle.

 

Make this eternal wish true,

And our past will be appreciated,

And of my Future I will be more grateful.

 

The once dim field will turn green,

The plants will encircle her stem,

Highlighting her gentle presence,

And colouring it with lights.

Then, she’ll inspire gratefulness,

The one we should have for our lives.

After all, She is a primrose. 

I haven’t written anything in ages, and yeah, I’ve been bad with keeping up with my blog.

I’d like to share something personal with you all. These are two poems I’ve written in the past month for my Creative Writing class. Hope ya like them.

 

 

That night.

That night I hold so close yet so far,

The stars sparkling in a caliginous sky,

Your eyes radiantly starring at mine,

A romantic walk and a wishing star,

I never thought it meant goodbye,

I didn’t plan an end after the moonshine.

 

 

Words of fictitious truth were spoken,

My heart believed the gloomy deception,

A kiss was all it took to make me believe,

A warm gesture and a heart was broken,

But who knew that you weren’t an exception,

You made it so credible and I was just too naive.

 

The same hill we walked up together is dim,

The once luminous stars are now pallid,

And now as you go around collecting hearts,

I wonder how you got under my skin,

Your soul is ice and your words are now acid,

Now my heart is torn and I try to resemble the parts.

 

 

It’s time to fight.

 

These burdens I hold inside hurt,

I cannot hold onto this crutch anymore,

It’s time to throw it away and start walking,

Melodies are around and I hear people talking,

These voices around spread an alert,

I’ve been stricken with nostalgia and I’m heartsore.

 

I feel lost in a pool of confusion and torment,

The feelings I hold are locked inside a chamber,

They don’t know how much it’s painful,

This umbrage is breaking and tearful,

It’s like if my heart was made of cement,

But I’m surrounded by crystals and amber.

 

I keep waiting for the moment that will change my state,

But opportunity doesn’t wait for me to recover,

Rapidity and rarity are her phraseology,

But I’m still waiting for a stranger’s apology,

this is my stubbornness and it will not change my fate,

But if I let go my fears a new world I might discover.

 

I might find what I want and need,

And demolish my deepest fears,

I just need to be set free,

And I’ll find my true “me”.

I tell myself I will succeed,

And I’ll wipe up these tears.

 

The golden memories are kept tight and safe,

The scars are more like cuts that burn,

But this atmosphere that encircles me doesn’t want me to cry,

It’s time for me to be set free and fly,

It’s time to open up and quit the strafe,

It’s time for my old, joyful me to return.

 

 

 

 

Sad? Nostalgic? Been in a bad mood lately? Something annoying happened?  Well! All you gotta do is smile. Even though you probably don’t feel like smiling, “forcing” yourself to smile has been said to be efficient.  After a very hectic/dramatic/ unexpected summer all I try to do now is smile. I definitely had what you call “an unexpected summer”, whatever I thought would happen kinda never happened? OR happened when I least expected, and, whatever I thought would never happen….happened? I’ve noticed that life is full of surprises and doesn’t like itself to be predictable. This is why, most of the times, the unexpected is what you need. In order to live a happy life, one must not have any expectations….and yes this is hard, especially if you really want something to happen with all of your heart. But how can you stop thinking/expecting what you want and focus on other things? How can you get distracted so that you let the “unexpected” happen? Why does life have to be so freaking complicated? These are all questions I’d like to ask some kind of expert.

Hello fellow bloggers!

I’ve been listening to a lot of Colbie Caillat songs. Again, I must say I absolutely love her new album & I think you should all check it out 🙂

Anyways, a lot of crazy things have been happening lately. I still remember in May when I was picturing what this summer would be like and ….it turned out completely different! Some things turned out to be  better than what I expected, while others, turned out to be a little worse than what I expected….but you know what? This teaches me a lesson, never ever make expectations (neither positive nor negative). What you expect turns out to be completely wrong like 95% of the time, unless, you are like some kind of psychic, but, I don’t really think so buddy. 😉 So keep thinking positive thoughts (check out Colbie’s “Think Good Thoughts” song) and just go with the flow. Yes, Go with the flow! Trust me, people that just “go with the flow” find themselves to be the happiest people on earth. They never expect anything to happen, and, when something positive happens they enjoy it twice as much. If instead, you keep expecting things to happen, you’ll end up being sad if they don’t. And, we all know that life’s second name is “mistery”, we might as well respect that. 🙂 Miss mistery has really tricked me this summer, and, I must admit that I wasn’t really happy 2 weeks ago when I came back to Van. I mean, I was super excited to head back, but, when I arrived I was disappointed/sad/confused/ (I guess the jet lag played a role here too?). I was just expecting too much from everything. Here’s a list of my expectations:

I was expecting to find a tidy, perfect apartment with an ocean view and a bigger room.

I was expecting to meet lot’s of new friendly people.

I was expecting to find a job right away.

And last but not least, I don’t know if this was an expectation or more of a “I wanted-but I kind of knew-something would go wrong” kind of thing, but, I wanted something to happen. Something that could’ve happened in May.

Yeah, these were my expectations, and none of them happened. So, to make myself feel better I said “ah, maybe destiny just wanted things to work out this way”, but then, days later, when I got to finally hang out with my awesome friends, I realized that I CAN change them. There’s always a solution to everything. And you know what? I’m really working  hard on making what I wanted to happen actually HAPPEN.  To solve failed “expectation # 1″I , I sent a room transfer request, and after 100000 emails and complaints, I was able to get a transfer offer starting august 17th. And guess what? I’m going to be rooming with my awesome friend Regina and I’m going to be on the same floor as Astrid and Emily…..couldn’t have asked for anything better! & Hopefully, in the future, other friends will transfer to our floor too!

To solve “failed expectation # 2”, I decided to hang out in crowded places more often, go on random adventures with my friends (Yes, it works! We met a really cute guy and a mime on Granville island) and participate  to the Marine Drive Events (staring tonight hopefully)!

To solve “failed expectation # 3” I stopped searching for jobs online and actually moved my booty. I went my friend Subodha downtown I gave my resume to 26 stores. So far, I got 3 interviews and I was hired by two places. However, “ambitious” is my second name, so I always try achieve the best, and, I didn’t take those offers because I know there’s something better for me out there. I know, I may sound stupid, but, I’ve  decided that I will just enjoy the rest of my summer and start working in the fall.

Check, Check, Check –  3 of my “failed expectations” are kind of solved. Now what? Well, there’s the fourth failed expectation, and this I believe, is the one that brought me down the most. I must be honest to myself, It really hurts when something “special”  (I guess I can call it like this) happens and then it just gets erased. It’s like if nothing ever happened. It’s like if I’m making stuff up in my head or something. You know, you talk to a person, and you sense that things changed. Like I honestly don’t know if I wasn’t straightforward back then, if it’s my fault because I didn’t make some things obvious, or if it was the other person who was just playing around with me. Problem is, it’s hard to believe it’s the other person’s fault because from what I see and hear that person is really nice. Anyways, Enough with me just writing confusing stuff that only my friends are probably gonna understand…this is about how I’m dealing with “solving” this. Well, honestly, I don’t know. Out of all the failed expectations, this one is the one I’m very confused about. All I tell my self is “go with the flow” I know  something can turn out to be positive.

And with that said, this was me just filling this page with my problems. I’m sorry, if any of you had to read about my life…but it’s a blog and  I just feel so much better when I can just write everything down. 🙂

If you read all of this, woah! thank you for reading!

 

Have an awesome day,

 

D

 

While riding my bike today around campus listening to Colbie Caillat’s beautiful lyrics I felt energized. She gives me so much positive energy and I just can’t stop listening to her songs. A song that has captured my heart completely is “Brighter than the Sun”, I love its melody, but, most of all, its meaning. At some point in the song it says, “Don’t you blink cause you might miss it”.  It’s all about being ready to go for what you want and to actually take action! If you just stay there and don’t take action you might miss your chance. Yes, I know, I’ve been talking about “missing your chance” and  “what ifs ” a lot lately, but I just can’t help it. I’ve done this mistake way too many times and I don’t want other people to make it too. Sooo….  If you really want something to happen/achieve a dream you gotta move that booty of yours and do whatever it takes to make it happen. If you really know that that’s what right for you, and, your heart truly desires it, you’ve got to stand up and try your best to achieve it. See, I believe that it’s not about destiny, faith, or whatever it is you want to call it. It’s all about following what your heart truly desires. However, in order to accomplish our goals, we’ve got to fight, and, by fight I don’t mean to go punch that idiot (excuse the language) who’s trying to impress your boss and take your place. What I mean by “fighting”, is, trying to use all the means necessary to make whatever it is that you want actually “happen”.  And trust me dear reader, what you “want” to happen can be really anything. It can be something as banal as to be the girl or guy with the highest average in your class, or,  something more complex as to becoming a famous singer. It doesn’t matter what it is that you want, if you want it, make it happen. Now you may be wondering why I’m typing all this none sense about becoming who you want and making your dreams happen, well, our life is only one! It’s not a joke  and we have to take this seriously. Don’t you want a life where you are living your dreams? or do you want a simple life where you just don’t do anything because you are too scared? I think you know the answer. So , if you’re scared of asking  out that cute guy/girl out, if you are scared of auditioning for a musical, if you are scared to go to live in another country, if you’re scared of taking a plane, or of that big exam coming up…STOP BEING SCARED and take action!

With that said…I’ll go grab some food!

 

Lots of Love,

D

As you are able to see from the title of this post, Miss. Coward, (that would be me), figured this out now. I’ve always been the girl afraid of doing anything that could possibly bring a negative outcome. This is because I never wanted to be heartbroken or sad, and, honestly it sucks! Then lately, I came to realize that if you don’t do anything about a certain problem , or a certain situation you’re in, you might miss your chance.

Oh yeah, you might miss your chance, and then later on, trust me, you’ll regret everything! When you see someone else take the spot you could’ve been in, you just start hating yourself a little. You start saying to yourself “WHAT IF I TOOK THE COURAGE and just went to that audition…” or “What if I told my parents what I really wanted to do with my life”, or “What if…”. Exactly “WHAT IF”, I hate to be stuck with the “what if”. So please, please, if you are out there and are scared of doing something that could give a positive turn to your life, keep your head up high and go for it! It could save you from that annoying “What if” that has been bugging me for the past years. Just throw yourself out there, and, who cares if you fail, Life IS about failures. You fail and learn, you fail and learn. Be yourself and show the world who you are. So right now, if you are reading this and are asking yourself questions, go and figure the answers out by yourself, don’t be left with the “What if”. If you never try you’ll never know.

 

GO OUT THERE and show em’ what you’ve got!

 

And with that said, I just wanted to share this with all of you.

 

Hello Everyone! This is a story I wrote this year. It was supposed to be published in the Vanier Vibe a long time ago but my email didn’t get through. 🙁  Anyways, before you start reading this story I want you to know that some parts of aren’t fictional. Yes, I actually got some inspiration from some things that happened to me this year.

Hope ya like it 🙂

 

Paris. 1970. I’m standing on top of the Eiffel Tower. The wind is roughly blowing through my hair. My yellow Coco Chanel shawl ruffles in the breeze and I carefully adjust my silk, empire waist, Louis Vuitton dress to stop it from blowing around. The song “Reality” by  Richard Sanderson is softly playing in the background. “Dreams are my reality, a different kind of reality…”. The aroma of fresh baked baguettes and  gateaux au chocolat from localpâtisseries delicately tickle my nose. My fiancée is standing right next to me while he elegantly sips an opened bottle of Chardonnay. He sweetly grabs my arms and puts them across his neck. He whispers “ Isabelle, tu es très  belle” and stares intently, his deep brown eyes burning a hole. Our lips are about to lock in a passionate kiss, when something fastidious abruptly disrupts my dream. I hear a bunch of kids on my block singing to the very deep lyrics of a now “famous” thirteen year old singer, Rebecca Black. “It’s friday friday friday! Gotta get down on Friday! We-we-we so excited”. Now you are probably wondering what happened to Paris, to my fiancée and his bottle of Chardonnay, and to the soft melody of “Reality” playing in the background. Well, the truth is…1) I actually live in LA, 2) I don’t own a yellow Coco Chanel shawl or an empire waisted, Louis Vuitton silk dress 3) I’m 19 and hence I can’t drink in the US, 4) Richard Sanderson is out and Rebecca Black is in and last but not least, 5) I’m sadly single. Yes, unfortunately the mundane reality I face on a daily basis, is no where close to Le tour d’Eiffel. It is just a dream land far, far away. Sometimes I like to isolate myself , and let my mind fantasize about the “What” and the “Ifs” of life. Sometimes I just continuously daydream about falling in love.

And this is where my real story begins. I have always been the type of girl that never really believed in love stories and happy endings. Partly because I never really experienced a “happy ending” and partly because my parents are divorced. I was five years old when my father angrily stormed out of our house. I still remember that night so clearly. It’s like a vivid movie playing in my head over and over again. “Daddy, Why are you wearing your jacket? Where are you going with that suitcase?”- I asked. “I’m going to stay with grandma who is all alone”- he replied. I still remember my mother’s face, all pale, and covered in salty tears. This memory is a scar on my life, it will never fade away. This is why I always felt like I could never truly believe in love stories. I mean, I like to “dream” about them but I don’t consider them part of my everyday reality. I know I shouldn’t be saying this at the age of 19, but right now, with all the  heart aches and experiences I’ve had so far, I prefer to place love in the fiction section of my heart.

So far, although I haven’t been the luckiest woman in the romance aspect, I can’t complain about my life.  I come from a fairly well-off family who has always supported me in all my decisions and been by my side through the highs and lows of life. I  had the opportunity to travel around the world, visiting the  most splendid and exotic travel destinations on planet earth.  However,  sometimes I feel like a key ingredient  to the mixture of happiness is missing. I think the missing ingredient is love. However,  by “love”, I don’t mean only romantic love, but also affectionate love. I always felt like my father never loved me. Since I was a child, I didn’t have the opportunity to see him that often, but whenever I did,  I tried to keep up  with the “image of perfect daughter”. I wanted him to be proud of me. Whenever I had a school performance I  always tried to  “shine on stage” for him. But most of the times, my already fragile heart was crushed, when I looked through the parent filled auditorium and wasn’t ever able to spot him. I remember my mom used to say “don’t expect anything from your father, you know how he is”. But why shouldn’t I? He’s my daddy. The only one I have. Even, today, I always ask myself why my father  never calls me. I live 3,000 miles away from him and I haven’t seen him for months. I always see my friends receiving calls and emails from their fathers, and this sinks my heart into a further pool of depression. I still think to myself,  why can’t I have the same? Is it so wrong to be loved a little more? And why does it hurt so much?  I feel like my heart is torn into many little pieces. I force myself to stop constantly thinking about my father.  I mean life is a precious gift, so whenever I feel down because of  my father or because I can’t find  love, I just think how silly I am for comparing myself with other teenagers who don’t have these kind of problems. In a world torn asunder by myriad of problems, how can I  be so superficial and focus on my own internal conflicts?  There are  people who  don’t even have parents, and some can’t  even afford what I was given… why I am so self-centred?

All of a sudden, my mother breaks my mental voyage. “Isabelle! Are you okay my dear? You’ve been starring at that book for the past thirty minutes”. “Yes, mom I’m okay, don’t worry”. Back to reality! I need to finish working on an assignment that is due tomorrow, and I can’t really afford losing my train of thought again… Ohh no… The big flashy words appear on my TV screen “Train with William”, not again…

Why does everything have to remind me of him? Before I go,  let me tell you one more story about my life. Have you ever felt like you met the perfect person for you but that they were way out of your league? Just  one conversation and that person already captured your heart? Well, this was how I felt for a guy in my second year of college at UCLA. His name was William Loman, and we casually met one day at a local football game. Yes, yes. I know you already thinking “OH NO! This is going to be another cheesy romantic story”. But don’t worry, I promise you it’s not. There is actually not much to say about him. I barely knew him, but  from the very first conversation I felt this strong connection to him. A connection I never felt before with any other person. We liked the same type of food, clothes brand, music, we both wanted to learn portuguese and we were both very compatible personality-wise. Even my friends found it really funny that we had so many things in common. Unfortunately, although we conversed a few times, I had to be realistic, nothing was ever going to happen. He was three years older than me, why would he ever be interested in me? He was handsome, smart, charming and always surrounded by beautiful girls. Unbelievably, one day, while I was walking with my friend Stacy to the library, I bumped into him and he asked us to hang out . I was so surprised and excited that I couldn’t believe it. I thought to myself: “maybe, just maybe, he is the one…maybe I can make it right this time”. I mean, UCLA has a pretty big campus, what were the chances that we could’ve have bumped into each other? This was definitely a sign of destiny…NOT! Of course, once again this was me deluding myself. After that day, William and I never really hung out. We talked whenever we saw each other, but nothing more. Truth is, I was just a random girl to him.

Now, a year has passed. I’m sitting on my couch trying to write an essay for my DRAMA 201 class on “Death of a Salesman”. And you know what’s funny? Out of all the plays that could be chosen, I was assigned to write an essay on one that had a protagonist named Willy Loman. Life can be a big B sometimes.

I feel like since the last time I’ve spoken to him, wherever I go something  has to always remind me of him. Every time I go to the gym for example, there is a commercial with flashy characters that says “BAKE with William, don’t miss your chance”. Well, I feel like I’ve missed my chance…but maybe just maybe, one day, somewhere, when I least expect it, my hazy dream illusion will become reality…

 

Hellooo! This was my attempt at writing a song! I really don’t know how to write songs! haha. This is actually my first time trying to write one. :p Soooo, don’t judge!

 

 

My attempt at writing a song.

 

 

 

POOL OF CONFUSION

 

I know that there is a fear inside of me.

Little by Little it’s consuming me.

I thought that running  would fix everything,

But everything is nothing.

Maybe it was just an illusion.

This is the pool of confusion

 

 

As the days pass by I feel like I’m falling a part.

Is it so hard for you to hear me?

Is it so hard for you to love me?

I’m paranoid to find what you took away from me.

Even though I know its not your fault,

This pool of confusion is killing me

 

Sometimes I feel lonely and ashamed,

I’m not someone that can be tamed,

I’m just a normal girl who needs your support,

Stranger please give me your comfort,

This is my conclusion,

This is the pool of confusion

 

As the days pass by I feel like I’m falling a part.

Is it so hard for you to hear me?

Is it so hard for you to love me?

I’m paranoid to find what you took away from me.

Even though I know its not your fault,

This pool of confusion is killing me

 

No one’s life is perfect,

Some people don’t have to go through pain,

It’s like a life without  a storm,

A life without acid rain

But one thing is to say

The pool of confusion will come your way

 

As the days pass  by I feel like I’m falling a part.

Is it so hard for you to hear me?

Is it so hard for you to love me?

I’m paranoid to find what you took away from me.

Even though I know its not your fault,

This pool of confusion is killing me