Best Works

Posted here are my best works from the class ENGL 301:

I. Definition Assignment and Peer Review:

The goal of the definition assignment was to define a technical term for non-technical audiences. In this assignment, I attempt to provide a definition of the term amino acid in a concise and easy-to-understand manner. The definition assignment includes an introduction, parenthetical definition, sentence definition, expanded definition, and various graphics that support the definition. Additionally, my peer review of another team member’s definition assignment will be included below. This peer review addressed to Matilda aims to provide insightful suggestions to improve her definition of the term historiography.

1. Definition Assignment:

Introduction:
Dear writing team,

This assignment aims to describe the term amino acid in varying levels of detail to non-technical readers. The reading situation will be a third-year chemistry student explaining what research he is working on to his parents. Three descriptions will be given, a parenthetical definition, a sentence definition, and an expanded definition. A few necessary technical terms will be used however, all technical terms will be explained in a glossary.

Word:
Amino acid

Parenthetical definition:
Amino acids (the building block of proteins) are necessary for all living beings to function.

Sentence definition:
Amino acids are a type of biomolecule that behave as the foundation of proteins and are characterized by having an amino1 group, carboxylic acid2 group, and a side chain specific to each amino acid.

Expanded definition: 

The Importance of Amino Acids
Proteins functionalize every part of our bodies from running, jumping, breathing, digesting, and thinking. As such, scientists have put a lot of effort into the study of proteins and their building blocks which are called amino acids. Different amino acids come together to build different proteins which have different functions in the body. This means that having the wrong amino acid in a certain protein can cause it to be dysfunctional or broken, leading to disease. Examples of diseases that are caused by protein malfunction include Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, cystic fibrosis, Huntington’s, and many others. The study of amino acids is important to curing these diseases and creating drugs to treat other issues such as cancer.

Etymology
The word “amino acid” comes from the two defining groups present in the molecule. The word “amino” refers to the amine1 group and “acid” refers to the carboxylic acid2 group.

History
The first amino acid, asparagine was isolated in the early 1800s, by French chemists Louis Nicolas Vauquelin and Pierre Jean Robiquet [1]. Amino acids continued to be discovered throughout the 1800s, however, the function of amino acids in a biological context was not understood. In 1902, Emil Fischer and Franz Hofmeister hypothesized that many amino acids could combine to create proteins via a linkage Fischer termed “peptide bond” [1].  An example of peptide bond formation between two amino acids is shown in Figure 2.

Figure 1:  This figure shows the structure of an amino acid. The carboxylic acid group is highlighted in red, the amino group is highlighted in blue, and the side chain is highlighted in green. Any changes to this structure can compromise a protein.

Figure 2: Peptide bond (highlighted in red) formation resulting in the loss of water. This is how proteins are formed on a molecular level.

(Functions) Biological and artificial protein synthesis:
Amino acids by themselves are useless however, when combined into functional proteins they dictate almost all biological functions. To help visualize this, imagine each amino acid as a LEGO® brick. An individual LEGO® brick is useless but when stacked on top of each other they can create magnificent LEGO® structures. In living systems, protein formation is catalyzed by the ribosome, a special organelle in the cell  [2]. Outside of biological systems, there are chemical coupling reagents that can incite protein formation allowing for the synthesis of artificial proteins. In addition, most laboratories use a technique called solid-phase peptide synthesis3 (SPPS) to allow for an easier and more efficient protein synthesis [3].

Biological and artificial amino acid synthesis:
Like proteins, amino acids can be synthesized biologically or artificially. In biology, there are 20 common amino acids that make up a majority of naturally occurring proteins. In humans, only 11 of the 20 naturally occurring amino acids can be synthesized by the body and are termed non-essential amino acids. Humans must obtain the other nine amino acids through diet. These nine amino acids are called essential amino acids. Artificial amino acids can be prepared in a laboratory through synthetic techniques which allow for total control of all functional groups present on the amino acid. Therefore, from a synthetic perspective, there is an unlimited amount of different amino acids that can be synthesized, each one with its own specific properties.

The future of amino acids in science:
As a result of artificial amino acid synthesis, many scientists are interested in making modified peptides and proteins from novel amino acids. These proteins may contain desired functionalities not available in nature which may contribute to advances in medicine and biotechnologies. Additionally, there are many important natural proteins that have not yet been synthesized artificially. Overall, the synthesis of different amino acids, peptides, and proteins will continue to be a trending topic in the world of biochemistry and chemistry for years to come [4]. The peptide therapeutics market was reported to be valued at 39.6 billion dollars in 2021 and is expected to grow in the following years [4].

Glossary:

  1. Amine/amino: A functional group in organic chemistry, composed of a nitrogen bonded to 3 other elements.
  2. Carboxylic acid: A functional group in organic chemistry, composed of a carbon double bonded to an oxygen and an alcohol (OH)
  3. Solid-phase peptide synthesis: The use of a solid support, usually in the form of glass beads to guide peptide synthesis. It allows for the use of a machine called a peptide synthesizer which can automatically build peptides through a user inputted sequence and amino acid reservoirs.

Works Cited:

  1. Vickery, Hubert Bradford., and Carl L. Schmidt. “The History of the Discovery of the Amino Acids.” Chemical Reviews, vol. 9, no. 2, 1931, pp. 169–318., https://doi.org/10.1021/cr60033a001.
  2. Ribosome. Genome.gov. (n.d.). Retrieved June 6, 2022, from https://www.genome.gov/genetics-glossary/Ribosome#:~:text=A%20ribosome%20is%20an%20intercellular,that%20fold%20to%20form%20proteins.
  3. Merrifield, B. (1986). Solid phase synthesis. Science, 232(4748), 341–347. https://doi.org/10.1126/science.3961484
  4. Global peptide therapeutics market size, share report, 2030. Global Peptide Therapeutics Market Size, Share Report, 2030. (n.d.). Retrieved June 5, 2022, from https://www.grandviewresearch.com/industry-analysis/peptide-therapeutics-market#:~:text=The%20global%20peptide%20therapeutics%20market,6.4%25%20from%202022%20to%202030.

2. Peer Review of Matilda’s Definition Assignment:

To: Matilda Murray
From: Ethan Fung
Date: June 8, 2022
Subject: Review of the definition assignment on the term historiography

First impressions:

The definition of the term historiography was very well organized and appropriately suited for the target demographic. The assignment submitted was a great rough draft however, it could be improved. Here are a few suggestions:

Organization: 

  • Overall very well organized, and the subheadings accurately described the different methods in your expanded definition.
  • The title Figure 1 should be underneath the visual not above it.
  • There is no caption for Figure 1 defining what the visual is meant to convey.
  • The subheadings of your expanded definition are bolded and the headings are also bolded, try to differentiate the two.

Content:

  • This assignment did not define a reading situation, otherwise, it met all other assignment requirements.
  •  The example of why historiography is important was very impactful and useful in understanding the term.
  • Adding a few shorter, more recent examples of why histography is important could strengthen the delivery of your definition. 
  • A little wordy, narrowing the focus of the assignment will improve readability. 

Visual:

  • The visual is bright and descriptive which catches the reader’s attention.
  • Adding a description of the visual either underneath the figure heading or in the text would help the reader understand the visual better. 
  • No citation of where the figure came from.
  • Placing the label underneath the visual is the correct format for professional documents.

Grammar/Sentence structure:

  • There are a few run-on sentences and missing punctuation.
    • An example of a run-on sentence in the assignment includes: “As new scientific methods developed and studying history became more popular historical facts started to be questioned, either by historians discovering more evidence or science disproving a theory.”
      • This sentence could be improved by putting a period after “started to be questioned” and then starting a new sentence afterward.
  • “Historical” is capitalized when it shouldn’t be. 
  • Fixing grammatical errors like saying “utilized more” rather than “ more utilized” will improve the overall readability of the document.

Word Choice:

  • Utilizing less ambiguous words would make the document easier to understand.
    • An example of a sentence that could be improved includes: “historiography became more utilized”.
      • The term utilized could be replaced with a more descriptive phrase such as “became more popular” or “Historiography always existed, but it was never widely used until…..” 

Works Cited:

  • The works cited is correctly formatted. Nice work! 

Concluding comments:

Overall, this definition assignment was impressive. Once the grammar and minor sentence structure errors are fixed, this will become a splendid definition of the term historiography. Hopefully, the suggestions helped you recognize some errors. If you do not agree with some of my criticisms, have questions, or would like help email me at ethanfung5080@gmail.com. I wish you the best of luck with the revision of your definition assignment.

enclosure: Matilda’s Definitions Assignment

Matilda’s Definitions Assignment

 

II. Formal Report Proposal, Proposal Memo, and Progress Report:

The formal report project aimed to investigate and provide a solution to a problem related to a workplace or volunteer/community organization. My formal report investigated the feasibility of installing air-conditioning in the UBC chemistry building. In preparation for the first draft of the report, a proposal, email memo, and progress report were written. The proposal dedicated to Dr. Paterson introduced the problem, intended audience, scope, and methods. Additionally, the proposal provided my qualifications for the study and offered a solution to the problem. To alert Dr. Paterson of the formal report proposal, an email memo was written. This memo contains a brief summary of the formal report proposal. Finally, a progress report was generated which included a research plan, writing schedule, and links to surveys used in the study. Using the progress report as an agenda was critical in keeping organized when drafting the formal report.

 

3. Formal Report Proposal:

To: Dr. Erika Paterson, ENGL 301 professor
From: Ethan Fung, ENGL 301 student
Date: June 22, 2022
Subject: Proposal for the possibility of providing air conditioning to the UBC Chemistry building

Audience

The intended audience for this formal report is Dr. Ken Macfarlane who is the director of finance and operations within the chemistry building.

Introduction

The UBC chemistry building stands as the oldest building on the University of British Columbia (UBC) Vancouver campus. Built in 1925, the historical building has been featured in many popular movies such as The Flash and has become a UBC historical landmark. This has caused the institution to act defensively when suggestions about rebuilding the chemistry building arise, even though many signs of old age and design are becoming increasingly present to those working in the building. A common grievance shared among students, staff, and faculty of UBC chemistry is the lack of air conditioning and untrustworthy heating within the building. Recently global warming has created days that reach 32 oC in the summer, creating unbearable working conditions for chemists required to wear pants and thick lab coats [1].

Statement of the Problem

Unruly temperatures create two main problems: first in terms of worker comfortability and second in terms of dangers surrounding temperature-sensitive solvents. For example, Dimethyl sulfoxide (DMSO) is a common solvent and has a freezing point of 19 oC [2]. When the heating unit malfunctioned during the winter of 2021, many peers working with DMSO complained that their reaction froze on them. Oppositely another common solvent, dichloromethane has a boiling point of 39.6 oC [3]. The compound is suspected to be carcinogenic and is known to be very flammable and volatile. Many labs within the chemistry building have multiple 4L jugs of this solvent and since the cabinets are made out of wood, not providing air conditioning within the building on a very hot day could spell disaster. Outside of physical hazards, fluctuating temperatures can affect the results of temperature-sensitive reactions. With no way of maintaining a constant temperature, some results become irreproducible – a cardinal sin in the scientific community.

Proposed Solution

One possible solution to this problem is to install air condition units inside each of the wings in the chemistry building. This would allow for temperature control throughout the building avoiding the problems outlined in the previous section. There is also the possibility of installing air conditioning units only in the laboratories as students in classrooms are not required to cover up and can dress appropriately. This would cut on costs while also avoiding the problems mentioned above.

Scope

To determine the possibility of installing air conditioning in the UBC chemistry building I will ask the following questions:

1. How large is the chemistry building, and how much would it cost to fund air conditioning or the whole building?

2. How large is each lab in the chemistry building, how much would it cost to fund air conditioning in each lab?

3. What other dangers do uncontrolled temperatures impose?

4. How many people are working with temperature-sensitive reactions/experiments?

5. How many chemistry students feel uncomfortable about the possible increase in temperature due to climate change?

6. How will climate change in the future potentially affect the workspace safety of UBC chemistry?

7. What are some common chemicals that pose a threat under certain temperatures?

Methods

My primary sources will include online surveys as well as physical measurements of rooms to give a rough estimate of the volume of each lab/room. I also have UBC chemistry email-wide access so I can contact anybody within the chemistry department for information.

Secondary sources will include floor plans of the UBC chemistry building as well as blueprints and documents concerning its dimensions. The cost of air conditioning will come from online research. Also, the websites of common chemical suppliers will be used to find the thermal properties of common chemicals.

My Qualifications

I am currently an undergraduate chemistry student that has been working in the UBC chemistry building for over a year. I have access to many rooms and people in UBC chemistry. My association with UBC chemistry will allow me to gather information in order to proceed with this study.

Conclusion

With the rise of global warming, the students, staff, and faculty of UBC chemistry are in danger if nothing is done to control the temperature within the building. Furthermore, volatile, flammable solvents with low boiling points like DCM could set the whole building ablaze which would cost the department much more than a couple of air conditioners. If granted permission to proceed with the study I will use the seven questions asked above to guide my research in determining the feasibility of providing the UBC chemistry building with air conditioning.

Works Cited

  1. Vancouver – highest temperature for each year. Vancouver BC Highest Temperature Each Year – Current Results. (n.d.). Retrieved July 8, 2022, from https://www.currentresults.com/Yearly-Weather/Canada/BC/Vancouver/extreme-annual-vancouver-high-temperature.php
  2. Dimethyl sulfoxide. Dimethyl sulfoxide – DMSO, Dimethyl sulfoxide. (n.d.). Retrieved July 8, 2022, from https://www.sigmaaldrich.com/CA/en/substance/dimethylsulfoxide781367685
  3. Dichloromethane. Dichloromethane – Methylene chloride, Dichloromethane. (n.d.). Retrieved July 8, 2022, from https://www.sigmaaldrich.com/CA/en/substance/dichloromethane849375092

4. Proposal Memo:

MEMORANDUM

To: Dr. Erika Paterson, ENGL 301 professor
From: Ethan Fung, ENGL 301 student
Date: June 22, 2022
Subject: Summary of my formal report proposal 

The formal report proposal has been posted on the All Stars forum page and is included as a pdf file attached to this memo. Underneath is a summary of the proposal.

  • Audience: The intended audience is Dr. Ken Macfarlane, the director of finance and operations of UBC chemistry.
  • Introduction: The age of the UBC chemistry building is starting to show and global warming is producing hotter days therefore, air conditioning within the building is needed.
  • Statement of the problem: The lack of air conditioning in the UBC chemistry building creates many problems in terms of worker comfort, physical hazards, and irreproducible results.
  • Proposed solution: A proposed solution to achieve temperature control is to install multiple air conditioning units within the UBC chemistry building.
  • Scope of questions: These questions concern the opinions of staff/students/faculty on climate change, the cost of providing air conditioning to the building, the physical dimensions of UBC chemistry, and possible chemical/physical dangers related to not having temperature control.
  • Methods: The study will be carried out through physical measurements of the UBC chemistry building, online surveys, and internet research.
  • Qualifications: As a UBC chemistry student and worker I have access to many people and rooms within UBC chemistry which will allow me to proceed with the study.
  • Conclusion: The conclusion summarizes problems of not having air conditioning within UBC chemistry.

Thank you for taking the time to read my formal report proposal. If there are any questions email me at ethanfung5080@gmail.com.

Enclosure: Formal report proposal pdf

Formal report proposal

5. Progress Report:

MEMORANDUM 

To: Dr. Erika Paterson, ENGL 301 professor
From: Ethan Fung, ENGL 301 student
Date: July 8, 2022
Subject: Progress report for installing air conditioning in the UBC chemistry building

This memo is written as a progress report. The plans and timeline for the completion of the formal report regarding installing air conditioning in the UBC chemistry building will be described below. 

Intended Audience

This report is to be read by Dr. Ken Macfarlane the director of finance and operations in UBC chemistry. Ken oversees all of the financial decisions in UBC chemistry, which makes him the appropriate audience for this formal report on a plan to install air conditioning in the UBC chemistry building. 

Purpose 

The UBC chemistry building which was built in 1925 is a historical landmark of the UBC Vancouver campus. Currently, the rising temperatures due to global warming have highlighted the lack of air conditioning in the building. Students, faculty, and staff working in the building reported that they were very uncomfortable on hot summer days. In addition, high temperatures can pose a safety hazard to those working in the lab as some solvents have low boiling points. The purpose of this report is to increase the safety and comfortability of the UBC chemistry building by installing air conditioning within the building. 

Significance

With the increase in temperature due to climate change, installing air conditioning in the chemistry building would be beneficial for students, faculty, and staff of UBC chemistry. Installing air conditioning would: 

  1. increase the safety of the building by avoiding hazards caused by low boiling point solvents
  2. ensure the reproducibility of temperature-sensitive results
  3. keep workers and students comfortable on hot/cold days

Research Plan 

In order to determine the possibility of installing air conditioning in the UBC chemistry building, I plan to:

  • Measure different labs, classrooms, and offices to get an approximation of the size of the UBC chemistry building.
  • Research the cost of providing the UBC chemistry building with air conditioning based on the measurements taken. 
  • Survey staff, faculty, and students of UBC chemistry for their opinions on installing air conditioning in the UBC chemistry building.  
  • Survey the chemists of UBC chemistry to find the number of people using low boiling point solvents and running temperature-sensitive reactions.
  • Online research of common low boiling point solvents and other chemicals that become hazardous under certain temperatures.
  • Survey staff, faculty, and students of UBC chemistry for their opinions on how climate change may affect their future work if there is no air conditioning available. 

Writing Schedule 

July 8: Measure different labs, classrooms, and offices to get an approximation of the size of the UBC chemistry building 

July 9: Research the cost of providing the UBC chemistry building with air conditioning based on the measurements taken.

July 11: Survey staff, faculty, and students of UBC chemistry for their opinions on installing air conditioning in the UBC chemistry building

July 12: Survey staff, faculty, and students of UBC chemistry to find the number of people using low boiling point solvents and running temperature-sensitive reactions 

July 14: Survey staff, faculty, and students of UBC chemistry for their opinions on how climate change may affect their future work if there is no air conditioning available

July 15: Online research of common low boiling point solvents and other chemicals that become hazardous under certain temperatures

July 16-22: Compose a formal report rough draft 

July 22: Rough draft due 

July 23-27: Self-edit the formal report rough draft 

July 27-Aug 2: Read the peer review of the formal report and apply corrections 

Aug 2: Formal report due 

The schedule above includes surveys that will be sent to students, staff, and faculty of UBC chemistry. The links to these surveys can be found below. Thank you for taking the time to review this progress report as well as the surveys to be distributed. 

Survey on installing air conditioning within the chemistry building: 

https://ubc.ca1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_cXWNtyVnpvdLPpk

Survey on low boiling point solvents and temperature-sensitive reactions:

https://ubc.ca1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_dnJgOJi5dMD5iEC

Survey on concerns about global warming: 

https://ubc.ca1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_2fLrMJiZohqJdyu

III. LinkedIn Best Practices Memo and A Memo to Evan Crisp:

Two memos were written to practice implementing a “YOU” style of writing which puts the reader first. The first memo concerning best practices on LinkedIn, provided a list of best practices when creating a professional social media site. The key when writing this memo was to avoid using imperative verbs. The purpose of the second memo – “a memo to Evan Crisp” was to provide suggestions to a UBC student about emailing professors. In this memo, “YOU” attitude was implemented effectively to deliver the suggestions.

6. LinkedIn Best Practices Memo:

MEMORANDUM 

To: Team All-Stars, writing team ENGL 301
From: Ethan Fung, student of ENGL 301 
Date: July 2, 2022
Subject: Best practices concerning professional networking on LinkedIn

Dear All Stars,

Below are some techniques that can be used to help build a professional site on the website LinkedIn:

  1. Audience: Crafting a profile targeted at people in your field of interest is crucial.
  2. Professional profile picture: Smiling and dressing professionally will give a good impression to the reader. 
  3. Intriguing headline: Catching the reader’s attention with a headline that makes them interested, will increase the chances that they will read the rest of the profile.
  4. Buzzwords: Avoiding common words like hardworking, successful, and motivated will make the profile stand out.
  5. Profile: Making sure your skills and experiences are up to date is vital.
  6. Influential people: Following influential people in your field can increase the chances of making meaningful connections. 
  7. Short URL: Shortening the URL will make it easier to type and remember. 
  8. Language: Avoiding jargon and acronyms will make the site more reader-friendly.
  9. Contact information: Providing contact information is necessary to making connections.
  10. Proofread everything: Having proper grammar and spelling will make the site seem professional.

LinkedIn can be an amazing tool to build professional connections. The tips provided above are a brief summary of my research on best practices concerning professional networking on LinkedIn. If there are any concerns or questions regarding these tips email me at ethanfung5080@gmail.com. 

Works Cited: 

  • The Muse Editor. “The Best LinkedIn Profile Tips for Job Seekers.” The Best LinkedIn Profile Tips for Job Seekers – The Muse, The Muse, 1 Nov. 2015, 

www.themuse.com/advice/the-31-best-linkedin-profile-tips-for-job-seekers.

  • 20 steps to a better linkedin profile in 2022. LinkedIn. (n.d.). 

https://www.linkedin.com/business/sales/blog/profile-best-practices/17-steps-to-a-better-linkedin-profile-in-2017 

  • Smith, Brad. “20 LinkedIn Tips to Help Boost Engagement.” Social Media Today, 8 Jan. 2019, 

www.socialmediatoday.com/news/20-linkedin-tips-to-help-boost-engagement/545369/.

7. A Memo to Evan Crisp:

MEMORANDUM 

To: Evan Crisp, UBC Student
From: Ethan Fung, ENGL 301 student
Date: July 10, 2022
Subject: Tips for Writing Effective Email Messages to Professors

Introduction

Here is the requested memo regarding best practices in writing professional emails to professors seeking to be enrolled in a full course. The tips below may help in receiving a response from professors.

Writing tips

  • Using a professional email allows the professor to distinguish the email from spam.
  • Addressing the professor directly in a professional manner is crucial. 
  • Having a subject line that includes the subject, course code number, and topic of discussion will increase the chances of a reply.
  • Providing valid reasons for requesting a seat in the course is necessary. 
  • Using a professional tone while avoiding slang and abbreviations makes the email more reader-friendly.  
  • Focusing on the subject and avoiding unnecessary information will allow the professor to understand the situation quickly. 
  • Providing a reasonable time frame for a response will assist in making the email sound friendly.
  • Concluding the email with a respectful statement such as best wishes will help reinforce the professionalism of the email.  
  • Including a full name and student number at the end of the email will allow for identification. 

Conclusion

Professors usually have a large number of emails to answer every day so following the tips provided above is essential to receiving a response. Hopefully, these suggestions are helpful, if there are any questions about the tips please email me at ethanfung5080@gmail.com.  

IV. Complaint and Response Letters:

Business letters often contain the purpose of persuading a person or group of people to think or act a certain way. Complaint letters achieve this by demanding compensation for poor service or poor product quality while still maintaining a professional tone. In this assignment, a complaint letter was written to Apple demanding compensation for a broken iPad Pro. Subsequently, a response letter from Apple’s point of view was prepared to deliver bad news. In both letters, the use of “YOU” attitude and professional tone was critical in the persuasiveness of the letters.

8. Complaint Letter:

Ethan Fung
1638 West 59th Ave
Vancouver, B.C. V6P 1Z4

July 11, 2022

Apple store
701 West Georgia Street
Vancouver, BC V7Y 1G5

Attention: Mr. Bernd Huebbers
Subject: Malfunction in a recently purchased iPad Pro

Dear Mr. Huebbers,

I have been using Apple products for over 8 years and have been extremely satisfied with the quality and care Apple puts into their products. In addition, my experiences with Apple’s customer service have always been excellent which is why I am confident that we can come to a reasonable agreement concerning a recently bought malfunctioning iPad Pro.

On June 2nd I bought an 11-inch iPad Pro from the Apple store located in Pacific Center mall. After opening it, turning it on, and setting it up, I noticed that the front-facing camera did not work. This malfunction interferes with video conferencing calls, photos, and Face ID. As video conferencing is used commonly in my work for meetings, this malfunction is very annoying.

I understand that there can be some problems during production that lead to faulty products such as the iPad I have received. However, I must return this iPad and would like to be compensated in one of two ways:

  1. Replacing my faulty iPad Pro with a proper iPad Pro of the same memory, storage, and colour.
  2. A full refund on the iPad Pro.

Apple has always been a company that radiates professionalism and trust. I look forward to your response and hope that we can come to a fair conclusion. To prove that I bought this iPad Pro, a receipt of purchase will be included with this letter.

Sincerely,

Ethan Fung

Enclosure: Picture of receipt

9. Response Letter:

Apple store
701 West Georgia Street
Vancouver, BC V7Y 1G5

July 14, 2022

Mr, Ethan Fung
1638 West 59th Ave
Vancouver, B.C. V6P 1Z4

RE: Malfunction in a recently purchased iPad Pro

Dear Mr. Fung,

Thank you for bringing this issue to our attention and we would like to apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. We are glad that you view Apple in such high regard and wish to keep you as a loyal customer.

As for compensation, we cannot determine if the front camera of the iPad was broken before or after the time of purchase. Therefore, we cannot provide either of the two compensation options described in your letter. However, our experts at Apple can provide a quick repair of your iPad if returned to the store. The receipt attached to your letter showed that you did not purchase AppleCare with your iPad so please note that this repair will not be free. We highly recommend purchasing AppleCare with your next product to ensure that you receive the best experience and coverage with Apple.

We understand any frustrations you may have with this response and our team at Apple will work diligently to meet your needs. Loyal customers such as yourself are valued deeply and for that reason, I would like to extend an offer to provide a free repair of your iPad with the purchase of AppleCare. To redeem this offer please reply to this email within 30 days and we can set up an appointment.

Yours truly,

Bernd Hubbers, Apple store leader

V. Peer Review of a Formal Report

As with all important assignments in ENGL 301 a peer review was written for a teammate, with suggestions on how to improve their formal report. In this peer review, I was selected to partner with Danae who wrote a wonderful report on employment problems concerning a local business – C Market Coffee.  By doing a peer review I was able to gain a different perspective on how to write a formal report while also providing helpful suggestions to my partner.

10. Peer Review of a Formal Report:

To: Danae Echeverria 
From: Ethan Fung
Date: July 27, 2022
Subject: Peer review of the formal report draft: Staffing Shortage And Employee Burnout At C Market Coffee:
Addressing Current Challenges And Potential Strategies To Manage Staffing Problems

The formal report draft: “Staffing Shortage And Employee Burnout At C Market Coffee: Addressing Current Challenges And Potential Strategies To Manage Staffing Problems” is an insightful and enjoyable read. There are some small errors noticed in the report and the following recommendations will help in the revision process. 

First Impressions

  • The writing is clear and concise throughout the report.   
  • The data collected is relevant to the topic at hand. 
  • Incomplete data section.
  • The conclusion is well-versed and gave meaningful recommendations. Well done. 

Introduction 

  • Great explanation of why small and medium enterprises (SME) are facing labour shortages. 
  • Introduction to C Market Coffee is well written – with sufficient background information for the reader.
  • Including a more descriptive goal/purpose of the report will help the reader understand the report better. 
  • Describing why a survey was performed, or the general goal of the surveys will improve clarity in the methods section.
  • There are some grammatical errors that will be discussed in the grammar section of this peer review, but overall this is well written.

Data section 

  • There is missing data in the Statistics on Retention Strategies section.
  •  Providing an interpretation of the data would help the reader understand what the data means and if there are any other factors to take into account.
  • The figures are large and clear. 
  • Most of the data collected are about worker satisfaction/enjoyment. 
    • Including some data about the proposed solutions would be beneficial to the overall persuasiveness of the report.
  • Listing the figures directly will help the reader tell what figure is being referenced. 
    • For example, instead of “The following figure represents….” writing  “Figure 1 represents….” would make the sentence clearer. 
  • Part of the bar graph in Figure 2 is cut off and there is a missing component (light blue) in the legend. 
  • Including the number of respondents in each figure is essential. 
  • Including a numbered X-axis will improve Figure 3 by providing quantitative results. 

Conclusion 

  • The conclusion restates the problems SME’s face nicely.
  • Summarizing the results of the study and how it relates to the problems SME’s face will help refresh readers on the purpose of the report.
  • Including more details in some sentences will help the reader understand what is being referred to.
    • For example “To summarize, these solutions have been statistically proven to reduce the impact for SMEs” 
      • What is impact referring to? The impact of what? 

Content, Organization, and Design

  • Some page numbers in the table of contents are incorrect.
  • Providing a statement sentence at the start of each subsection in the data section would help guide readers through each topic of discussion. 
  • The whole report is well organized with appropriate sections and sub-sections.
  • Pie graphs are colourful, and large. 
    • Including the number of participants in each pie graph will make the percentages meaningful.
  • Changing the font size between subheadings and headings will make the difference more distinct.
  • Applying the suggestions about the figures in the data section of this peer review will make figures clearer and more easily interpretable. 

Style and Grammar 

  • Revising the report in a positive tone will help the overall persuasiveness of the report. 
    • For example “In order to mitigate the effects of labour shortages and improve employee retention, an employee retention plan could be implemented at C Market Coffee” can be changed to “ An employee retention plan implemented at C Market coffee would increase the overall satisfaction and enjoyment of employees and customers”.
  • Replacing semicolons with periods or commas in some sentences would improve readability.
    • For example “The new venue is designed to seat 75 people, offering coffee, alcoholic beverages, bakery products, and food; additionally, it plans to function as a training center for new baristas, coffee brewers, and roasters looking to advance in their coffee knowledge.” The semicolon could be replaced with a period in this sentence or the word “additionally” could be removed. 
  • Shortening some sentences will improve readability.
    • For example “In order to mitigate the effects of labour shortages….” can be changed to “To mitigate the effects of labour shortages….”
  • “You” attitude writing is used effectively in this report. Well done. 
  • Revising the report specifically for better word choice will improve sentence structure within the report.
    • For example in the sentence: “Accordingly, low levels of satisfaction with the organization is more likely to lead to an intention to leave or change workplace.” the “is more” can be replaced with “will”. 

Proposed solutions:

  • The proposed solutions of increasing base and performance pay, offering company stock to key employees, organizing social activities and events, and allowing flexible schedules are descriptive and plausible.
  • The additional recommendations of including a formal hiring process and offering total compensation packages may help C Market Coffee in their recruitment. Nice job!

Summary

Overall, the formal report on improving worker satisfaction at C Market Coffee is informative and the recommendations were realistic.  By applying the suggestions provided above and summarized below, the report will be improved. 

  • Adding the number of participants in each figure and including missing figure components.
  • Applying a positive tone and fixing grammatical errors to improve readability.
  • Filling in missing data sections and including more data on potential fixes to the problem C Market Coffee is facing. 
  • Summarizing the results in the conclusion to refresh the reader on the goal of the report.

If there are any questions contact me at ethanfung5080@gmail.com. Best of luck in the revision process.

Enclosure: Danae’s formal report draft

Formal-Report-DE