I really enjoyed this novel. It felt different from a lot of the other things I’ve read so far, mostly because of how direct and stripped down it is. The writing is minimalist and straightforward, but that’s what made me like it. There’s no overexplaining or beating around the bush. Things are just said quickly and bluntly, and we move on. There isn’t really anything there to soften what’s being said.
“For me, homosexuality isn’t about who I’m fucking, it’s about who I become” (29). Sexuality in this novel feels like something much more than desire alone. It isn’t just about who she is sleeping with or the change in her relationships. It feels like it reshapes her existence entirely. She describes it as “taking a break from everything. That’s exactly what it is, a long vacation, expansive as the sea with nothing on the horizon, nothing to close it, nothing to define it” (30), which makes her queerness feel tied to a sense of freedom and release. Freedom from the structure of the life she had before and the expectations that defined her.
Early on, the narrator says that “the difference between a man and a woman is just a question of weight and muscles” (18). I liked the way the line feels intentionally provocative. Throughout, gender never feels like something that is stable or natural. She says, “It’s the same with clothes, the same with gender, it depends on my mood or the situation” (63). I liked this a lot. It made gender feel fluid and like something that she could move through rather than something that she has to fit into.
Freedom isn’t something that is comfortable, it can be brutal. She says, “I couldn’t live the way I am now, I couldn’t be myself if he were here” (44). This feels harsh, but honest. She appears to be stuck between being herself and also being a mother, and that those two things can’t seem to exist at the same time. By the end, that loss starts to fade and she says that “the sadness was over” and the memories don’t hit her the same way anymore (164). Her grief is described as ending quite abruptly. It’s not fully closure, but more so felt like some sort of detachment? The grief just fades away and she keeps on living.
By the end, it just kind of ends. There isn’t a big and emotional resolution or conclusion. Her sadness that once felt overwhelming sort of dwindles. I felt a bit strange because it didn’t give me the closure that I expected or had thought out in my mind. But it made me like it more. I liked how it shows you how things are just as they are.
Question:
What did you think about the ending? Did it feel satisfying to you?
“It feels like it reshapes her existence entirely.” Yes, the novel explores the body and its ways of reacting to those around it. It won’t be the first time we’ve addressed this topic in the course, but perhaps it’s the most direct way it’s been approached. Perhaps the difference lies in the performativity of the genre and its emphasis.
Hi Emily, thanks for your post! I definitely felt similarly about the ending: it was honestly anticlimactic. However, I wonder if this was intentionally done by the author. By the end of the book, Debre ultimately regains her freedom. Perhaps, since freedom is something that should “normally” be given to everyone, the book ended off in a “normal” fashion to convey that idea. Another answer could be the fact that Debre’s narration style has seemed almost apathetic, so this element of normalcy at the end is just her staying true to her narrative style.
Hi Emily, I honestly feel like the ending represents the whole book perfectly. No big emotional events, no nothing, it just ends. That is how I felt for most of the book; nothing much happens and I am not sure if there was complete freedom from her. I say this because it is like she did not let herself feel, she was too emotionally closed off.
Hi, I actually really enjoyed this novel. “By the end, it just kind of ends. There isn’t a big and emotional resolution or conclusion. Her sadness that once felt overwhelming sort of dwindles.” I think this is such a great way to describe the ending. I too felt like there was no dramatic ending but for some reason, I still thought it was a good read? I think it grew on me. Thank you for sharing!