To: Max Foran
From: Michaela Basciano
Date: July 21, 2020
Peer Review: Memo to Evan Crisp
At first glance, this message for Evan is very organized and concise. It was an easy read and easy to understand all that was being suggested. The following are a few notes that would improve this type of document going forward:
Organization:
- Adding a bulleted list keeps the document easy to read and adds to the directness of the message – well done!
- Expanding the introduction would be beneficial in guiding the explanations provided in the message. Furthermore, adding more neutral or introductory statements will create the vision of the document being more of a message rather than a list.
Writing Style and Expression:
- Writing in a YOU attitude was active throughout the document and well-executed.
- Maintaining direct and concise explanations was beneficial in getting the message to Evan.
- Combining some of the provided list statements that show similarity and adding some more diverse suggestions will add variety to the suggestions for Evan. To provide some examples, topics such as the reader being defensive, positivity, and appreciation are often repeated throughout.
Grammar and Typos:
- Using the term “Understanding that people are defensive” in the last point may not be the ideal phrase. Switching the phrase to a positive outlook might be more beneficial. For example, “Showing empathy toward the recipient during a stressful time” changes the narrative regarding the person on the other end of the message.
- No spelling errors or incorrect capitalizations were found.
Concluding Comments:
I hope that you find these revision notes useful. To recap some of the main points that would be beneficial for your document:
- Adding more introductory statements
- Combining repetitive points and providing more of a variety of suggestions
- Changing the tone of some provided suggestions
If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me at michbasc@gmail.com. Thank you.
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