Formal Report Peer Review: Matthew Shen

Author: Matthew Shen

Peer Reviewer: Siddhartha Gupta; Student 301

Date: August 5th, 2020

Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report -“Beach Attack Proposal: Air Attack’s Summer Beach Volleyball Program“

Your report on “Beach Attack Proposal: Air Attack’s Summer Beach Volleyball Program“ was interesting and well written. You have adequately enumerated the various age ranges and been relatively precise with your choice of vocabulary.

First Impression:

• Research has a focus on primary sources with secondary sources working well to help.
• Readability of figures could be improved.
• The fact that you highlight the demographics adds more relevance to your information.

Organization:

• Page Layout and Header is appropriate
• The Table Of Contents is accurately mapped
  • Using bolding to differentiate heading could be more effective.
• The sections build on one another and follow a logical flow

Introduction

• Some details in the introduction are unnecessary considering that the reader is the board of directors.
• For example when it was established and is situated as well as what the club does.

Methods:

• You surveyed a vast array of coaches and players
• Adding the sample size could help contextualize the data.
• The research methods have been excellently explained.

Data Section:

• You provided the reader with the appropriate information regarding demographics which is significant and helps provide more meaning.
• You could have enumerated the data more explicitly for the understanding of the reader.
• The data has been interpreted appropriately.

Conclusions:

• In your interpretation, you bring forth valid insights as to what time and locations are most appropriate
• All of your recommendations appear feasible and reasonable
• In your summary of findings, you could have enumerated the data more explicitly.

Visuals/Figures:

• Coloring and the titling your graphs could improve their readability
• Adding more figures corresponding to the tables could help you to bring insight.
• Your figures are easy to identify.
• The pie chart on page 14 is incorrectly placed.

References:

• You have 3 extremely credible sources about; volleyball, sports arenas, and rentals.

Style/Tone:

• The document used a tone that was slightly informal and had a personal touch to it which might be appreciated by the audience.
• The  “you” attitude was employed in a thorough manner
• You addressed the audience as if they had experience in the field. This is important as it makes the reader feel respected.
• TBD: Tone

Grammar/Typos:

Your document has some grammatical glitches and spelling errors.

• While beach volleyball is fundamentally like indoor volleyball, there are several differences that could be beneficial for athletes. -> While beach volleyball is fundamentally like indoor volleyball, several differences could be beneficial for athletes
•  If the program attracts athletes from other clubs, this could help recruit potential talent to the indoor volleyball program. →  If the program attracts athletes from other clubs, this could help recruit potential talent for the indoor volleyball program.
• In order to create the survey questions for players and coaches -> To create the survey questions for players and coaches
• Both surveys were entirely voluntary and anonymous besides the respondents group affiliations. -> Both surveys were entirely voluntary and anonymous besides the respondent’s group affiliations.
• All the information collected regarding availability and location preference serve only as a general indication,–> All the information collected regarding availability and location preference serves only as a general indication,
• However, as there are limitations this report’s current data collection, the availability and scheduling should be revisited upon actual registration. -> However, as there are limitations to this report’s current data collection, the availability and schedule should be revisited upon actual registration.
• This would mean that on a weekly basis, the club would be paying approximately $4,800 to rent out four courts (in line with our coaching availability and optimal coaching ratios). -> This would mean that weekly, the club would be paying approximately $4,800 to rent out four courts (in line with our coaching availability and optimal coaching ratios).
• This is a public park according to the City of Vancouver, that includes →  This is a public park according to the City of Vancouver, which includes
• Costs for running the program would be lower be lower for upcoming years,

Concluding Statements:

The proposal is written very effectively exploring the various aspects of setting up a new program and explains why it ought to be done. I would recommend the following adjustments:

• Fixing grammatical glitches and spelling errors.
• Improving the readability of figures
• Having more figures to allow for more detailed analysis
• Explicit Enumeration of Data within the Data Section

Please let me know if you have any subsequent concerns.

Thank you,

Siddhartha Gupta.

Attached Below Template Created and Used:

301-Siddhartha-Gupta-Review-Template