WRITING TIP: Focus on Conciseness
Removing as many pronouns as possible improves conciseness.
Removing as many unnecessary words as possible improves clarity and conciseness
Example: 177 words
“Please consider me for your professional writing team by taking a moment to read through my letter of application. Currently, I am in my fourth year of the Bachelor of Arts program at the University of British Columbia. I will graduate in May of this year with a major in history and a minor in English. Prior to attending university I worked full time in construction before I decided to pursue a higher education to help me achieve my career goals. Most of my life I have been involved in hockey, beginning my playing career at the age of 6 and continuing through to the age of 17. After high school I continued to play at a less competitive level, and still play occasionally today. Being a part of a team atmosphere most of my childhood has really helped me later in life, as I tend to thrive in atmospheres involving teamwork. I am not afraid to take charge, and have often been complimented on my ability to push those around me to do their very best.”
REWRITE: 63 words
Please consider this letter of application for your professional writing team. I am a 4th year history major, English minor at UBC with plans to graduate in May. I’ve played hockey all my life and thrive in a team atmosphere and am not afraid to take charge when needed — and, I have been complimented on my ability to encourage others to do their best.
NOTE: Be sure to review the Instructor’s Blog on a regular basis and feel free to correct your assignments at any time: self-editing should be practiced regularly. Thank you and enjoy.
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