Focus on Conciseness

WRITING TIP: Focus on Conciseness

• Removing as many pronouns as possible improves conciseness.
• Avoid three verbs in a row
• Removing as many unnecessary words as possible improves clarity and conciseness

Example: 103 words: Studying political science for my undergrad has given me the opportunity to really develop and improve my writing skills. I have had to write technical documents for school through paper proposals and research memos. Outside of school, I have had work experience at large corporations such as PepsiCo and Sherwin-Williams, where I have had to write technical documents like memos and emails. Finally, I have applied for numerous jobs and internships which means I have completed many interviews, cover letters and resumes. I am interested in pursuing a career in business and am willing to work hard in order to achieve this goal (103 words)

 REWRITE: Studying political science for my undergrad provided opportunities to develop and improve my writing skills with technical documents, proposals, and research. Working for PepsiCo and Sherwin-Williams required writing memos and emails as well as technical documents. As well, I have experience with job applications. A career in business is a goal I am eager to work hard to achieve.  (49 words).

Example: 177 words

“Please consider me for your professional writing team by taking a moment to read through my letter of application. Currently, I am in my fourth year of the Bachelor of Arts program at the University of British Columbia. I will graduate in May of this year with a major in history and a minor in English. Prior to attending university I worked full time in construction before I decided to pursue a higher education to help me achieve my career goals. Most of my life I have been involved in hockey, beginning my playing career at the age of 6 and continuing through to the age of 17. After high school I continued to play at a less competitive level, and still play occasionally today. Being a part of a team atmosphere most of my childhood has really helped me later in life, as I tend to thrive in atmospheres involving teamwork. I am not afraid to take charge, and have often been complimented on my ability to push those around me to do their very best.”

REWRITE: 63 words

Please consider this letter of application for your professional writing team. I am a 4^th year History major, English minor at UBC with plans to graduate in May. I’ve played hockey all my life and thrive in a team atmosphere and am not afraid to take charge when needed — and,  I have been complimented on my ability to encourage others to do their best.

NOTE: Be sure to review the Instructor’s Blog on a regular basis and feel free to correct your assignments at any time: self-editing should be practiced regularly. Thank you and enjoy.