To: Joyce Wu
From: Adrienne Yap
Date: October 16, 2019
Subject: Peer Review of “Proposal for Determining the Feasibility of Switching Existing Virtual Desktop Infrastructure Thin Clients to Local Desktop Computers”
Hi Joyce!
Here is my peer review of your Formal Research Proposal. I have included my initial and general thoughts, as well as some suggestions for minor adjustments.
First Impressions: I loved how detailed your proposal was! You really considered the people who would initially review it (Professor and peers). I also like that you chose a topic specific to UBC and therefore, very relatable to us students.
Introduction: As someone who is very technologically impaired, I really appreciated that you took the time to explain jargon like “VDI” and “thin client”, it made the rest of your proposal very easy to understand. I do think this section ran a little long though. There were certain sections that could have probably been moved to the “proposed solution” section (such as the part about HR being due for reassessment).
Statement of Problem: Thanks to your clear explanation in the introduction, this section was easily digestible. Your writing here was very clear and to the point.
Proposed Solution: Again, very clear and easy to understand. I might have tried to condense the first sentence by removing “workstation hardware replacement and maintenance cost” and just getting straight to the point.
Scope: I thought these were great leading questions!
Qualifications: This section clearly outlines why you are qualified to run this research report. I thought you included very relevant information about yourself and your relation to the problem.
Comments
- Grammar: Only minor things, such as under qualifications “resides” should be singular.
- Wordiness: There were a few run on sentences that I had to reread. A few of them could have been done in less words. For example, in your “Qualifications” section you begin with “The team I am currently in is tasked with workstation inventory assessment…”. Instead, I suggest something along the lines of “The team I am on has been tasked with workstation…”.
- Organization: I might have made a separate section for “intended audience”. Just to break up all the text within the “Introduction” section. Aside from that, I thought your headings made the proposal very easy to read.
Closing Thoughts
I thought your proposal was very well done. Very thorough and detailed. Aside from very minute things like grammar and wordiness, you broke it down so it was easy to comprehend. I especially liked how your conclusion mentioned that creativity would be necessary to solve the problem. I can’t wait to see how your research project comes along!
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