To: Ranjit Dhaliwal
From: Morgan Brandt
Date: October 15, 2019
Subject: Peer Review of Your Research Proposal
First Impressions
Your proposal for the feasibility analysis to redevelop 1510 E Pender St is a fantastic use of your skills and experience in real estate. Accordingly, your knowledge and determination in exploring the topic is apparent in how you framed the subject throughout the proposal. Now, if you were to revise this proposal you can refer to my suggestions below to expand on your work.
Organization
Overall, the organization of your information is well-executed and provides ample time for contextualization. The only instance could have been identified sooner would be in defining the highest and best use (HABU). You use this phrase in your subject line and I immediately read it as awkward phrasing until you addressed it under “Proposed Solution,” three paragraphs later. To fix this you can either change your subject title or define this method of analysis earlier on.
Active Voice
There were a few instances where you combined active and passive voice within the same sentence. For example, the first sentence under “Statement of Problem” saying the property “was nearing the end of its economic life” when the statement should be active toin order to affirm the urgency of the issue. Another part is under the intro when discussing how the suites “are rented to tenants on a month-to-month basis,” when it should be written as “the tenants’ rent by a month-to-month basis,” to maintain the active nature of their tenancies.
Concision
Throughout the proposal, while your thoughts were well expressed, you could comb through it and change some phrasing to have concision in mind. Primarily, the use of wordy phrases such as “in an effort to” is used multiple times in the second and third paragraphs. Another area instance for concision is through sentence lengths under “My Qualifications” and “Conclusion.” The bulk of your ideas seem to be in long sentences that could be divided with commas or semi-colons.
Final Thoughts
In general, I think you have a nice proposal here with minimal to go back and revise. Your breakdown of the scope is my favourite for its minimalist approach with plenty of information. If you have any questions regarding this feedback, feel free to contact me.
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