To: Cheryl Chao, member of Peanut
From: Amy Yung, member of Peanut
Date: November 24, 2019
Subject: Peer Review of Memo to Evan Crisp
Hi Cheryl, your memo to Evan Crisp has been reviewed. The memo was concise and detailed, but it could be improved with the following suggestions:
First Impression:
Overall, the memo is detailed and well-organized. A formal tone is present throughout the memo. However, imperative verbs were used in the suggestions section.
Introduction:
This section is short and concise. However, the tone of this section is very formal. Using a friendly and conversational tone will aid in communicating with the reader.
Suggestions:
The list of suggestions are well-organized and concise, but there are some errors. As mentioned before, this section contains imperative verbs. Replacing imperative verbs with “-ing” verbs improves the tone of the sentence. Moreover, it contained the word “you”. Refraining from using the word “you” will avoid irritating or insulting the reader.
Writing Style/Grammar/Typos:
This memo mostly maintained a formal tone from start to finish. However, in the introduction of the suggestions section, it contained the word, “that’s”. Avoiding abbreviations can help maintain a formal tone throughout the memo. Moreover, this memo contains some typos and grammar issues such as missing connecting words and punctuation. For example, the third and last point of the suggestions section is missing a period at the end. Moreover, in the suggestions section, the first point is missing the connecting word “be” after the word “would” and the second point is missing a connecting phrase such as “would be” after the word “example”. Proofreading can aid in reducing these mistakes.
Employing YOU attitude:
This memo did not employ the YOU attitude and used imperative verbs and contained multiple uses of the word “you” in the body of the memo. Employing the YOU attitude and refraining from using the word “you” aids in writing effectively.
Conclusion:
This section is detailed where it highlights some important points from the suggestion section. Moreover, a method of contact is available in case of need for further aid. This section is well-done, but lengthy. Shortening the this section can help make it more focused and clear.
Concluding comments:
The memo to Evan Crisp is well-written. However, proofreading and employing the YOU attitude will improve the memo. Proofreading can ensure an error-free piece and employing YOU attitude will aid in writing effectively. If you have any further questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to contact me at ayung.024@alumni.ubc.ca.
Link to Cheryl’s post: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2019wa/2019/11/21/memo-to-evan-crisp/
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