To: Tameen Imran, “The Writing Prose” Team Member
From: Connor Runnalls, ENGL 301 Student
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Rough Draft
Date: December 13, 2019
Good Evening Tameen,
Upon review of the essay, there is certainly a strong start in your recommendations for “Improving the Co-op at the Employment Standards Branch”. It was quite interesting reading about this given branch of the government that I had never really heard about.
Attached below is the full template featuring all comments and recommendations regarding the rough draft.
First Impressions:
- From a first glance, the formal report draft has clear headings and subheadings, features thematic colours which grab the reader’s attention, and the graphs are well labeled.
- Be careful on the table of contents page numbers – Introduction on page 4 or page 2?
Introduction:
- Introduction section introduces the employment standards branch and their role in administering the Employment Standards Act.
- Intro paragraphs could use revision- features lots of listing as the information. Perhaps break the lists up by creating new sentences to allow for a more natural flow.
- Statement and Purpose both address their parts in an efficient manner.
- Methods of Research: addresses how data was obtained and the rationale for using such methods
- The scope sets out boundaries for the report and explains briefly how the info will be used.
Data Analysis:
- The graphs and results are well labeled. There is detailed information with regards to what the survey questions pertaining to, stating how participants responded, and demonstrating the results in the graphs.
- Small bodies of text sufficiently explain their corresponding graphs. Consider revisions below.
- Certain graphs could use percentages to demonstrate the measurement methods as well as for consistency with other graphs which did include % symbols
- Revision of figure 11: Either revise graph in case of error or explain how 52% do recommend and 50% don’t recommend
Conclusions
- Conclusions and results summarize the findings from the surveys in a concise and clear manner. The incorporation of external research further supports the ultimate findings of the survey.
- The summarized recommendations are clear and easy to follow
Structure
- The ultimate structure of the paper is well thought out and easy to follow. The headings and subheadings make it easy to locate specific sections and break up the paper appropriately.
Content
- The overall content is strong and well represented. While the graphs could use some revision, with the incorporation of added detail in certain areas, the reader is capable of determining their significance with some added thought.
- The report has identified the problem, the significance of the problem, and given strong recommendations for implementation.
- Consider adding more external research resources with statistically significant data to support the recommendations beyond what the surveys say.
- The addition of statistical data would be an excellent addition to help convince why more time should be taken out of The Branch’s schedule to focus on training.
Style:
- The style of the writing is clear and objective in nature. At no point does it feel as though there is a significant bias towards any of the data or recommendations.
- The tone is positive in nature- and the writer does a strong job of detailing the data as positive, even though certain data could be conveyed as negative.
- The you-attitude is implemented and feels as though a strong amount of perspective-taking was used. The writing is professional (though grammatical changes can be made), polite, and considerate.
Final Remarks
- Overall, this rough draft is a good start. There are revisions that can be made to aid in clarity, as well as keeping the reader’s attention. However, the ultimate points being made are clear and concise. With a little bit of extra support, they should be within reason for implementation and be relatively cost-effective.
Keep working hard on the paper, there is a great start here. If you have any questions regarding the comments above, please don’t hesitate to ask via email at connor.runnalls@gmail.com
Template – Tameen peer review 3.3
Tameen Imran Rough Draft – Formal Report Draft – Tameen Imran
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