A few students have presented letters of transmission with their drafts and this has given me the opportunity to give you all some advice on how to use YOU attitude with these letters.
Remember the four essential rules:
Avoid starting with “I” or “We.”
Avoid “you” when it criticizes the reader. The best way to do this – is to take the reader out of the sentence. For example:
Wrong: Your facilities for research animals are overcrowded according to ethical standards
Right: According to ethical standards, facilities for research animals should provide adequate space for comfort.
The You-Attitude avoids condescension by eliminating unnecessary imperatives (commands).
Avoid the “pronoun” you within the body of the letter. Use the pronoun “you” in the introduction and the conclusion only to help build goodwill and make a positive impression on the reader.
The Letter of transmission provides additional context and persuasion.
Here is an example of a student letter that I have recomposed following the rules above:
Student:
Dear xxx
Below I have included my proposal in regards to implementing separate cages for animals used in research. I have conducted an interview with Wendy Clarence who is the Research Analyst of the Canadian Committee on Animal Care. As well, I have conducted surveys with students at the University of British Columbia to see what their opinions are if this change was to be established. Additional comments have also been acquired through articles found online.
There is a strong belief that animals in research should be well taken care of and thus I bring to you this idea. I believe the information that I have acquired will be useful and informative in understanding what the Canadian institutions on animal ethics believe.
I would also like to thank you for giving me the opportunity to initiate this investigation. If you have further questions, please contact me by email at xxx
Rewrite:
Dear xxx
The ethical treatment of animals is an issue in the public eye, and even more so when research is involved. To assist you with maintaining a high ethical standard of treatment for animals in your care, please accept this formal report investigating the advantages of separate or larger cages for research animals.
The report includes data from surveys that demonstrate positive opinions for ethical animal care among students at UBC and an interview with research analyst from the Canadian Committee on Animal Care. The report concludes with cost feasible recommendations for improving the housing for research animals at your facilities.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to initiate this investigation. If you have further questions, please contact me by email at xxx xxxx
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