Hi Barton!
Thank you for submitting your definition assignment for unit 1.3, this has been an enjoyable and insightful read! Please kindly find below a review of your assignment with suggestions for improvements that you will hopefully find useful.
To: Barton Lui
From: Jessica Lee
Peer Review / Term: Absorption Rate
First Impression:
The document clearly stated that the term “absorption rate” is directly related to the real estate business and it was overall a clear explanation and was easy to understand. The format looked organized with the three types of definitions clearly labeled, but lacked major details as required by the Lesson 1:3 “Steps to Follow”. The writer provided enough information to understand the basics of the term “absorption rate” but I felt there was a lot more room to expand on the term such as elaborate on how the rate is measured and suggest specific situations when the rate is used. If I were the writer’s supervisor today, I would ask for major revisions considering the document lacked a lot of what was required by the Lesson 1:3 guideline and the definitions could be expanded further.
Purpose:
- The purpose of the definition was clearly defined at the beginning of the document and the overall assignment stayed on task by defining the term “absorption rate”.
Audience:
- Situation and audience could use some readjusting – please refer to the Unit 1.3 website to find an example on the “reading situation”
- There wasn’t a clear audience that was suggested who land and home developers would explain the term to.
Organization:
- The objective was a clear and strong start to the assignment, explaining in detail the purpose of the document
- The introduction started the expanded definition off well, but the body needs further expansion
- The use of bolded headings and subheadings made it easy to follow through the content
- The document needs a visual – please refer to the textbook for the appropriate instructions
- A proper conclusion is needed so that the document doesn’t finish so abruptly with an example at the end
- There is no citation in the document – please find the appropriate instructions from the Unit 1.3 website
Content:
- The document is partially complete according to assignment requirements; it includes
- A detailed introduction
- Three forms of definitions
- One type of expansion strategy (Example)
Expression:
- No particular jargon was used – the overall use of language is straightforward and simple, making it easy to understand.
- The use of an example was greatly appreciated as it provided context to what an absorption rate is.
- Some parts of the expanded definition felt like it was repeating itself, especially with the sentences that talks about high and low absorption rates
- Since it was mentioned in the sentenced definition section that “the (absorption) rate can be expressed in units, square feet, or percentages”, perhaps the expanded definition could include this line too and elaborate on how the rate is measured and suggest specific situations when the rate is used.
Visuals
- This document contains no visual and needs one urgently.
Works Cited List
- This document contains no works cited list and needs one urgently.
Grammar and Typos
- Overall great use of clear and direct language that makes it easy for readers to understand and follow through.
Concluding Comments
Your definition was an interesting read, providing insight into the real estate market. Thank you for keeping this document neat and organized, it was very much appreciated! With the following edits, this will be a much more informative and convincing document.
- Adjusting the “reading situation”
- Using three more expansion strategies (please refer to textbook page 399 – 409)
- Adding a labeled visual with its’ source credited
- Including a proper conclusion to end the document
- Adding a work cited list of at least three outside references using MLA or APA format
Link to Barton Lui’s Definition Assignment: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2020wa/2020/09/29/1-3-definitions-and-peer-review/
Please feel free to let me know should you have any questions or concerns
Thank you!
Jessica
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