Assignment 1.3 – Peer Review of ‘Decompression Sickness’

To: Mila Tung

From: Ashley Yuan

Date:  October 3, 2020

Subject: Review of ‘Decompression Sickness’ Definition

 

Thank you for your definitions of ‘Decompression Sickness’. Overall, it was an enjoyable read and very informative. Please see my review below.

 

First Impressions

I was able to understand what decompression sickness (DCS) means from the definitions provided. It was very helpful to have the origin, symptoms, and treatment sections included. Some areas for improvement are to correct minor typos and elaborate on some aspects of your definition.

 

Situation and Audience

The situation and intended audience are very clear. The thorough description of the intended audience provides a good standing for what to look for in the definitions. Excellent job!

 

Expanded Definition

Overall, the expanded definition was thorough and provided a good description of DCS in multiple ways. Specifically, including an analogy to a carbonated drink increased the clarity of what DCS looks like in a human body.

 

What is Decompression Sickness?

This section provided a clear general idea of what DCS is. It is a good introduction to the rest of the sections. Here are some suggestions:

• The second sentence could be separated into a few sentences for clarity of the stages of DCS.
  • For example, the first sentence could indicate when divers breathe compressed air (i.e. below sea level).
  • The second sentence could mention that divers breathe in the compressed air “at the same pressure as their surrounding water”.
  • The third sentence could mention how the compressed gas or nitrogen is breathed out on ascent.
• Providing a parenthetical definition of “compressed air” would improve the reader’s understanding of DCS

 

Origin of this term

The explanation of “the bends” was useful in clarifying initial questions a reader with non-scientific knowledge would have. One suggestion is:

• Elaborating on “decompression sickness” in terms of what it looks like as a disease could provide more context to readers.

 

Symptoms of DCS

The symptoms were well organized and listed in a clear manner. One suggestion is:

• Providing a parenthetical definition of “immersion pulmonary edema” could clarify this term for non-scientific readers.

 

Visuals

The visual of the ‘bubble’ is very useful to understand what DCS may look like in the body. Some suggestions:

• Including an explanation of the visual could help non-scientific audiences understand what part of the body they are looking at and what is labelled ‘bubble’
• Including an animated image of a diver getting DCS while descending and ascending from and to sea level could help readers picture the stages of DCS.
• Adding a visual of the hyperbaric unit could allow the audience to understand what the treatment looks like.

 

Organization

Overall, the expanded definition is concise and provided adequate information of DCS for the intended audience. Here is one suggestion:

• Moving the section “Who is susceptible?” above “Symptoms of DCS” would make for a more sequential structure of the definition.

 

Grammar and Tone

Overall, the tone was formal and positive throughout. A few minor typos to fix are:

• In “Technical Term”, “Depression Sickness” should be “Decompression Sickness”
• In “What is Decompression Sickness”, the third sentence states “drivers” instead of “divers”.

 

Additional Comments

To further improve the clarity of the term:

• Including an additional section about the role of nitrogen in the human body could provide readers with more context of how DCS affects the body
• Adding a section about the risk of DCS and how to reduce the risks would be useful information for the intended audience.

 

Conclusion

Overall, excellent job on creating three definitions of DCS. Here is a summary of recommendations:

• Separating the second sentence in “What is Decompression Sickness” for further clarity
• Providing a parenthetical definition of “compressed air”
• Elaborating on DCS in the “Origin” section to provide further context
• Providing a parenthetical definition of “immersion pulmonary edema”
• Including description of the visual showing the ‘bubble’
• Adding an animated visual of the stages of DCS
• Including a visual of a hyperbaric unit
• Moving “Who is susceptible” above “Symptoms of DCS”
• Changing “Depression” to “Decompression” in the “Technical Term” section
• Correcting “drivers” to “divers” in “What is Decompression Sickness”
• Including additional sections of role of nitrogen and risk of DCS

Please contact me at yuanashl@student.ubc.ca if you have further questions. Good luck with your revision!

Best,

Ashley