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The original documents will be available for download below for integrity reasons.
Originally posted on: Oct 5, 2020 at 00:40
Hi Ashley,
My peer review of your definitions assignment has been completed!
Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns.
Best,
Jonathan Ho
Original Documents:
301 Ashley Yuan Three Definitions
301 Definitions Peer Review Jonathan Ho
TO: Ashley Yuan, ENGL301 Student
FROM: Jonathan Ho, ENGL301 Student
DATE: October 5, 2020
SUBJECT: Review of Your Three Definitions Assignment
I have completed reviewing your three definitions assignment on neuroplasticity. You have done well in organizing the sections and using the titles to keep everything clear. Below are my recommendations for improving your piece:
Organization: Everything else is ordered in such a logical manner that the following error sticks out. The origin and development sections of your expanded definition should be placed before describing what neuroplasticity is. Readers may find knowing the roots of neuroplasticity prepares them for the actual explanation.
Clarity: I noticed that you sometimes use ambiguous pronouns, readers will appreciate the clarity if they do not have to think what “it” is referring to. For instance, the second sentence in the “What is Neuroplasticity?” section begins with “It” right after a long sentence with many examples.
Conciseness: The sentences in your definitions can get quite long. Using sentences that are shorter or more varied in length can keep the reader interested.
Instead of,
“Strengthening the brain’s nerve connections happens through undergoing new experiences, such as learning a new skill, practicing a skill, or any other stimulation to the brain.”.
Try
“Strengthening the brain’s connections happens through repeated experiences such as learning or practicing a skill.”.
Additionally, if many examples are used, try arranging them in point form for readability. An example would be the “What is Neuroplasticity?” section when you are listing many examples.
Visual: I think your mechanisms and examples are well explained; however, a visual would greatly improve the clarity of your definition. A visual is also required for this assignment.
Your definitions assignment is on a great start. In particular, the mechanism and examples are easily understood and relatable. I hope you find my suggestions to be constructive as you improve your piece. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns.
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