To: Eugenia Fasciani, ENGL 301 99A Student
From: Claire Eccles, ENGL 301 99A Student
Date: October 21st, 2020
Subject: Formal Report Peer Review: Proposal for increasing the number of participants in ACSA’s Mentorship Program
It was a delight to read your formal report proposal for ACSA. The proposal was well done and shed light on an important topic for any Arts student. The following are my suggestions for improvements:
Introduction:
The introduction offers a clear and concise overview of the ACSA. In the second paragraph, you begin by identifying when the ACSA was first established. The ACSA was not established twice so you could remove the word “first from this opening” as it is redundant with the word established. Second, there is some confusion around the final point of this section. Is the lack of social media presence and program objectives particular to this year or has association lost traction as a result of an ongoing and gradual decline in media presence and program objectives? Is this due to a lack of funding, or trained personnel to manage these tasks? Finally, I’m a bit unclear on what you are referring to when you say “lack of objectives”. Specific examples would strengthen this section.
Statement of Problem:
The opening sentence here reads: “… it will be difficult for ACSA to meet its objectives for providing students an opportunity to network and learn from established professionals.” You say “objectives” but continue to identify only one objective (to network and learn). I suggest using objective in its singular form or expanding on jeopardize objectives within the association. There are some grammatical errors throughout this section that will be outlined at the end of this review. Overall, this is a strong section and you are clear and concise about the problem and subsequent implications.
Proposed Solution:
Great idea. “As more and more people are spending time online…” or “As people are spending more time online”…? Prospective members of this association are likely already online and it may be more important to recognize that the time that is being spent online is increasing, not so much the actual number of potential members. Great work outlining steps to bring this proposed solution to life. Strategic marketing can be complicated. What about a step for appropriate training or hiring a trained marketing specialist?
Scope:
Well thought out ideas. I particularly like question 2. With this question, it might be worth exploring how many engagement opportunities the association is providing for prospective members too. I would find it helpful as a researcher to know how many posts are they currently putting out, what platforms are most frequently used for promoting the mentorship program, etc. I really appreciate the intentionality of involving different dimensions of feedback/input.
Methods:
Another important data source in this project will be the social media channels of the association. In order to answer questions in your scope, you will likely need to do the legwork to explore their current online engagement statistics. Along with researching the effectiveness of marketing strategies, I also think it would be important to explore marketing options and associated costs.
Why oral surveys in particular? It could be the right option, just know your why. How many people do you want to survey? If this is a small number, an oral survey could be right. If it’s a large sample, you may want to consider an online survey or something similar. This will increase the chances it will reach more people.
Qualifications:
These are excellent qualifications and help build a strong case for your proposal. What else in your experience makes you qualified? What other experiences might you have outside of the association that would help strengthen this section?
Conclusion
Strong conclusion that gets right to the point. I would suggest restating the Statement of Problem. While it is a problem that numbers have declined, this is not exactly what is outlined in your Statement of Problem.
Grammar and Typos:
Just a few!
1. Statement of Problem section:
- One, two and three should read “(1), (2), and (3)” or First…,Second…,Third….The latter would keep your proposal succinct as you use the words not the actual numbers in other sections
2. Methods section
- “It may also be beneficial to also consult with past transition reports created by former ACSA executives leading the mentorship chair.” You say also twice in this sentence. This seems redundant.
3. Qualifications section
- “As a former ACSA Mentorship Co-Chair, I have insider knowledge about the inner workings of the club and about how the mentorship program is facilitated.” Having insider knowledge is implied when you state your position as a former ACSA co-chair so you could leave out the word “insider”.
Overall, it was a well written proposal. It is evident you are passionate about figuring out a way for the ACSA to thrive. The main adjustment I would suggest is to be more specific about the questions I asked in the review. I look forward to following along with your progress in this research.
Link to Eugenia’s proposal: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2020wa/2020/10/14/assignment-21-formal-report-proposal-2/
Leave a Reply