Peer Review of Evan Ruiz’s Report Proposal

Peer Review of Evan Ruiz’s Report Proposal

Reviewer: Rodrigo Samayoa

Author: Evan Ruiz

Report Proposal: How exercise breaks can improve mental and physical health in a remote work environment

Link to report proposal

Initial Impression

This proposal to research the physical and mental health benefits of intermittent exercise and social breaks in a remote work environment is very well thought out and very relevant for this time. The proposal details a convincing argument as to why this research is important and what the potential benefits of it could be. 

Organization

• The report proposal is well organized and clear. All the sections are labeled and it is clear what the purpose of each section is. This organization makes it easy for the reader to read through the document and understand the goals and expectations of the report. 

Grammar, Syntax and Typos

There are a number of places where the proposal has grammatical, syntax and spelling mistakes that take away from the seriousness of the proposal. Below are a few examples of suggested changes, but it would be good to review the entire proposal with an eye for grammar and sentence structure. 

• Throughout the document there are multiple sentences that lack clarity due to poor sentence structure. Below are some examples: 
• • “Subject: Proposal to study how intermittent physical activity and, in a work from home environment, can be applied to improve overall health and wellbeing for employees at Okta, inc.”

In this sentence it is unclear what the factor of the study is. This sentence can be simplified to make it more concise and clear. Here is an alternative: 

“Subject: Proposal to study how intermittent physical activity in a home office environment can improve health and wellbeing for employees at Okta, inc.”

• • “Those who are fortunate enough, and able to, to conduct business in a remote environment are, however, facing a new set of challenges.” 

There are too many sentence breaks in this sentence, making it difficult to read. Suggested alternative:

“However, Those who are fortunate enough to conduct business in a remote environment are also facing new challenges.”

• “Etc.” and “/” are used throughout the proposal in such a way that it takes away from the formality of the document. Consider ways to rewrite those sentences without using these elements as an aid. Examples:
• • “With projects, team meetings, etc all conducted from one’s computer, employees are sitting for longer, with fewer reasons and or opportunities to move around.”

Suggested alternative: “With projects, team meetings and other work all conducted from the computer, employees are sitting for longer, with fewer reasons and opportunities to move around.” 

• • “As all employees would share a common “step-away, stretch out, and walk” time block, there would not be an expectation from colleagues to respond to emails/ messages during this time.”

Instead of using the “/” consider simply using “and” or “or”. 

• Commas are either improperly used or unnecessary throughout the document. An improperly used or unnecessary comma can make the sentence difficult to read or even change the meaning entirely. These are some examples:
• • “The fact of the matter is that many of these employees, while working remotely, are spending most of their days at home. “

Suggested alternative: “The fact of the matter is that many of these employees are spending most of their days at home while working remotely.”

• • “First, I suggest that all employees, across the board, have time blocked off on their calendars to step away from their desks, walk around, stretch, etc. This can be done in four, fifteen minute, blocks throughout the day.” (8 commas)

Suggested alternative: “First, I suggest that all employees have time blocked off on their calendars to step away from their desks to walk around and stretch. This can be done in four 15-minute blocks throughout the day.” (1 comma)

• The proposal has some minor typos throughout the document that also take away from the seriousness of the proposal. Some examples include: “their” vs. “there”, “affected” vs. “effected”, “throughout” vs. “thought out.”

Scope and Methodology

• The proposal does a good job at scoping out questions that need to be asked in the report and detailing how these questions will be answered. 
• The only other suggestion to consider is to investigate what organizations that worked remotely before the pandemic did to maintain staff wellbeing and keep strong social bonds. Many organizations, especially cash-strapped or digital-first organizations, were already working remotely years before the pandemic forced everyone else away from the office. 

Final comments

The report proposal is well organized and thought out. It asks the right questions, convinces the reader why this report is necessary, and gives a pathway to answer the questions posed. 

What it lacks is a proper proofreading with an eye for grammar, syntax and typos. Some sentences can use some work to add clarity and give it a more professional tone. 

I am looking forward to seeing the final version of the proposal and the report. As someone who has already been working remotely for three years, isolation and lack of physical activity have been an issue for me throughout all this time and any insight to address this is helpful.