To: Mila Tung, Member of JJAM Writing Team
From: Ashley Yuan, Member of JJAM Writing Team
Date: November 2, 2020
Subject: Peer Review of LinkedIn Profile
Thank you for creating your LinkedIn profile, it was great to see your accomplishments and career goals. Please see the review of your profile below.
First Impressions
Your LinkedIn profile was overall concise and well-organized based on current experiences. The page includes a summary detailing current positions, and a clear career objective throughout the page, which invites readers to view the profile.
Profile Picture
The profile photo is clear (in terms of quality and resolution) and friendly, however a photo that is more centered and wearing attire that is relevant to your field of work would indicate more professionalism.
Text Box
Your description could include “Biology Student” for more relevant connections and suggestions.
Summary
The summary provides good context for readers initially looking at the profile. The tone of the summary is friendly and conversational, which is appropriate for nursing careers. Here are a few suggestions for improvements:
- Including volunteer, certifications, and work experience would make the summary more descriptive. For instance, the Vancouver Coastal Health volunteer experience is relevant to the career goals identified.
- More keywords related to the medical field should be included to increase chances of employers viewing the profile. For instance, include keywords like “treatment planning”, “long-term care”, “inpatient care”, or any relevant terms.
- The description of your future career path could be more specific. For instance, instead of “I hope to help more people in a professional medical setting”, describe a particular medical setting or field.
Subsections
A variety of subsections was included, which gave a detailed overview of work experiences and interests.
Experience. All the details of the most recent work experience were provided.
- The description of the experience could be divided into more sections. For instance, “Assessed the language level” could be its own bullet point if a particular assessment is referenced.
- When describing “themed lessons”, using more keywords and providing more detail would help readers identify specific skillsets.
- Include specific accomplishments during this experience. For instance, mentioning how much the students improved show a contribution to the school.
Education. The educational background is up to date and a clear start and end date is provided.
- Listing relevant courses will give more context on your degree at UBC.
Licenses and Certifications. The licenses and certifications are updated and are relevant to the career goals stated.
- The clarity of this section could be improved by providing an English translation or an English description of the French diploma. This would help non-French speakers identify your certifications.
Volunteer Experience. The volunteer experiences are recent, well-organized, and an appropriate tone is used to describe it. Here are a few suggestions for minor improvements:
- Reference tangible accomplishments in your descriptions, such as “improve customer service or productivity of the hospital”.
- Include more keywords related to your professional goals in the description
Skills and Endorsements.
- Listing more hard skills (i.e. Microsoft Office) would increase the chances of recruiters looking at your profile.
- It is important to have some skills endorsed by others.
- Include skills that are more relevant to nursing or healthcare.
Accomplishments. The languages listed are relevant to working in a healthcare field.
Organization, Grammar, and Tone
- The writing is easily readable and appropriate for a LinkedIn profile, except for a minor grammar mistake in the Summary:
- “who hopes” should be “who hope”
- The volunteer experiences could be placed directly below the Experience section as it is more relevant to your career goals.
Concluding Comments and Checklist for Areas of Improvement
You are off to a good start with your LinkedIn profile page. By making these small improvements, this profile would be an excellent tool for establishing more connections and achieving your career goals.
In summary, here is a brief list of the suggestions mentioned:
- Improving your profile photo appropriateness
- Making the description in the textbox more specific
- Including relevant experiences, keywords, and more details in the summary
- Dividing descriptions of the work experience into multiple parts
- Being more specific with work experiences
- Listing relevant courses in the Education section
- Providing an English description of the French Diploma
- Being specific about accomplishments in the Volunteer section
- Listing relevant hard skills and having these skills endorsed
- Fixing minor grammar errors
- Changing the placement of the Volunteer section
I hope these suggestions are helpful. Please let me know if you have further questions or comments.
301 Ashley Yuan Peer Review Template for a LinkedIn Profile
Mila’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mila-t-394790176/
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