To: Junrong Zhu, ENGL 301 99A Dream Team Member
From: Roxanne Robles, ENGL 301 99A Dream Team Member
Date: November 21, 2020
Subject: Peer review of Writing with You-Attitude Email
Hello,
Thank you for submitting your email memo to Evan Crisp demonstrating You-attitude for review. This was well organized and an excellent memo. The following are some comments and suggestions for improving your email.
First Impressions:
The tips provided are effective for implementing when emailing a professor regarding a particular course. The second point in the “Body” section is unclear, try rewording for clarity. Overall, the tips also provide ways to appear friendly and professional in an email in general.
Tips for writing to professors:
The provided tips are effective methods to implement when emailing a professor about a course. Rewording the second point in “for the body” section statement will allow for a better and clear understanding of what is being suggested. Tips were given for general formal communication and specific to this scenario; both of which provide ways for a student to appear friendly yet professional in an email.
Grammar and Expression:
This writing flows well and is concise and no major grammatical errors are present — though:
- In the introduction, you could use “for” instead of “in” the statement, “to help you in future communication with the professor”
- In the “For the beginning” section, reword unclear statement, from “Greeting with professor including appropriate name and title…” to “Greeting professor with appropriate name and title…”
- For “General tips” section, the multiple use of “email” in statement, “Revising the email with formal email format”, is a bit wordy. Try revising to something like, “Using a formal email format …”
- For “General tips” section, abbreviation should be plural: “and using abbreviations only”
Writing Style:
Your writing flows well and can easily be understood by the reader. You do not use imperative verbs so that the tips are not conveyed as demands, but rather suggestions which demonstrates the objective of using a You-attitude for this assignment. You provide both a professional and helpful tone without sounding condescending towards the reader.
Conclusion:
You have a great demonstration on using the You-attitude in this email assignment. With some proof reading for small errors and the following minor revisions, this will be an excellent and better email:
- Move “General tips” to be the first section
- Rephrasing some sentences for better clarity
- Fixing some minor grammatical errors
This has been an enjoyable read and I hope my suggestions are helpful. Please feel free to let me know if you have any questions or comments.
Thank you
Leave a Reply