To: Jessica Lee, Student of ENGL 301 99A
From: Barton Lui, Student of ENGL 301 99A
Date: November 23rd, 2020
Subject: Peer Review of Jessica Lee’s Writing with You-Attitude Memorandum
Hi Jessica,
Thank you for submitting assignment 3.1 to the team forum, the memo has some really good advice and the format is very easy for the reader to follow. Please see a list of suggested edits.
First Impressions:
The memo is very concise with all the key information needed for Evan to improve his email. The information you provided on how to write a proper email to get a higher response rate in the memo was well expressed. However, I notice that the memo sounded a bit demanding as there are a few imperative verbs in the body of the memo.
Organization:
- The organization of the memo is well organized into three parts, introduction, body, and conclusion sections.
- Bullet points make it easy to follow with main points listed
- Spacing is consistent and is perfect for a proper email structure.
Writing Style:
- The memo has a few imperatives so the reader may feel pressured after reading the memo. For example, the sentence “Adopt a professional email address so…” can be changed to “Adopting a professional email address…” to sound less demanding.
- Consider changing the sentence from “Eliminate the use of inappropriate languages….” to “Eliminating the use of inappropriate languages…”. This is a good advice but the reader might not perceive your intentions properly and become defensive towards his own action.
- Try not to use pronouns in the memo. For example, you wrote, “… and a valid reason for why the professor should prioritize your placement in the course”. Consider replacing the pronoun to avoid the possibility of irritating or insulting the reader.
Grammar:
- There are no grammatical errors, great job.
Concluding Comments:
- Avoid the use of imperatives in the body of the memo as the goal is to provide information but not giving commands.
- The usage of pronouns within the body of the memo should be limited but keeping it in the introduction and the conclusion will definitely help the writer building goodwill with the reader.
Your memo was well organized with great information provided regarding writing an efficient professional email to a professor. To take the memo to the next level, consider adopting the advice I have provided above! If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me through my email at bartonlui.ca@gmail.com.
Best,
Barton
Link to Jessica’s original post. https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2020wa/2020/11/20/jessica-lee-assignment-3-1-memo-re-writing-with-you-attitude/
Leave a Reply