Assignment 3.3: Peer Review of Formal Report Draft

To: Erin Mungham, ENGL301 99A Student & Dream Team Member

From: Roxanne Robles, ENGL301 99A Student & Dream Team Member

Date: Decemer 6, 2020

Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Draft

 

Dear Erin,

Thank you for submitting your first draft of your formal report. I’ve enjoyed reading about improving ergonomics and pain management at Viewmount Dental Centre. You’ve done an excellent job. The following are some suggestions and comments to help further improve your report.

First Impression

Your report was very well-thought out and organized. I can clearly understand the issues that exist due to poor ergonomics, and the importance for dental professionals to make improvements towards this and pain management. You clearly meet this assignment’s requirements. 

Organization

• Your report is well organized with appropriate and clear headings and sub-headings that separates the information well.
• Proper in-text citations are included for the collected data
• Visuals
  • For Fig. 1: Type of Pain Experience Due to Job
    • Clarify “Job” in caption, i.e. “Dental Professional”
    • Image placement is in between a paragraph and its last sentence of that paragraph, pertaining to the same survey & image mentioned. Maybe include image after this last sentence rather than in between.
  • For Fig. 4, Caption is in-line with text, when others are directly under figure. For consistency, adjust the placement of this image and its captions

Design

A good use of visuals was included to highlight important information to the reader.

Introduction

You do a good job explaining the purpose and background of this report, as well as the methodology and scope of its chosen topic. It acknowledges the readers of this will be dental professionals, and the tone and style is professional and appropriate.

Content

The data was informative by providing the readers with a good background and clear information as to why there is a need to make improvements and how to do so. Your recommendations to help dental professionals with their ergonomics and pain management are reasonable and insightful based on your collected data.

Conclusion

The conclusion was concisely written and properly wraps up what was learned from the research conducted. You highlighted the importance of what these findings would bring the dental professionals at Viewmount and what recommendations would help provide them better ergonomics and pain management.

Style

• Your style of writing used for this report is both professional and concise.
• Report is well written and considerate of dental professionals as the readers, who are familiar with the jargon and concepts mentioned.
• A positive and objective tone is used throughout the report.

Grammar and Expression

Some minor errors and small grammatical errors are included below.

• Introduction:
  • “The major implications for this problem are three” à a bit unclear, maybe use instead to sound a bit better and clear, “There are three major implications for this problem”
• Reasons for Poor Ergonomics:
  • “A meta analysis conducted …” à include “-“ to make it “meta-analysis”
• Impact Pain and Poor Ergonomics Has on a Dental Career
  • • “The average break time ranged from just 15 minutes to 1hr.” à for more professional tone, use “1 hour” instead.
    • “These studies show the effects working long hours with minimal breaks has on the body” à including “of” in between “effects” and “working”
    • “When asked, “If you work a 12-hour shift do you get more breaks than if you work an 8-hour shift” 6% said no” à missing a “,” in between the end of the quote and the percentage.
    • “If dental professionals continue to have busy workdays with infrequent breaks and poor posture this will shorten their career.” à missing a “,”
• Pain Management:
  • “Melanie Barbeau and Dr. Irina Smirnova both agreed that massage therapy …” à present tense should work here, use “agree” instead
• Summary of Findings:
  • “The pain develops from lack of frequent breaks, time restraints, poor posture, and repetitive movements.” à missing “the” in between

Your report was an enjoyable read. Using the mentioned suggestions and comments, I hope this can help with your final revisions. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions. Thank you.