Reviewer’s Name: Jonathan Ho
Author’s Name: Ashley Yuan
Date: December 8, 2020
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Draft
Hi Ashley,
Thank you for submitting your formal report draft on improving accessibility at the American Club’s (ACC) Fitness Center in Taipei, Taiwan. Please find my review for the draft below:
First Impressions:
This is an excellent draft for the formal report. The report is neatly organized and adheres to nearly all formal report conventions. Headings and subheadings are well-placed, without large chunks of text, and the inclusion of the abstract and works cited in the table of contents are great as they act as a to-do list at this stage in the assignment. One suggestion:
- Including a “Data Section” heading will let the reader know when the introduction is finished and when the data will be discussed.
Title Page:
The title page includes all necessary parts: title, recipients, author, affiliations, and date. One recommendation:
- Reframing the title to include descriptive words like analysis, feasibility, or recommendation may be suitable for this report.
Table of Contents:
Neatly structured and spaced! One suggestion:
- Including a separate section for figures and tables will make visuals easier to locate in the report.
Introduction:
The introduction provides relevant background and smoothly transitions to the problem statement, report purpose, and scope of the investigation. A couple suggestions:
- Using full descriptions instead of the pronoun “this” at the start of paragraphs will provide additional clarity to the reader.
At the start of paragraph 2, in place of, “This may lead to long-term health issues for individuals with disabilities.” try using, “The lack of accommodations for people with disabilities may lead to long-term health issues for those individuals.”.
A similar example is located at the start of paragraph 3.
- Removing “the lack of” in “The barriers to the lack of participation of individuals with disabilities in the gym” for the likely intended meaning.
Data Sections
Accessibility Needs and Space Design:
The section concisely describes the needs of individuals with disabilities and design principles that can accommodate them. One suggestion:
- Adding commas in “Size and space for approach and use states that there should be enough space and objects are easily reachable for users of all mobility and postures” may offer additional clarification to the reader.
Observational Study of ACC’s Fitness Facility:
The observational study is thorough and astute, from the entrance, to the space inside the facility, and fitness machines. Well-done!
Specific Needs of Members with Disabilities:
The section consists of a full page of highly detailed accounts from individuals with mobility impairments. A recommendation:
- Condensing the provided information into 2-3 paragraphs may be possible and necessary for conciseness and page-limit requirements.
Survey of Members without Disabilities and Fitness Trainers:
A simple and concise section summarizing the opinion of members without disabilities and fitness trainers. A few suggestions for additional clarity:
- Specifying individuals with disabilities in the gym in the sentence, “Figure 3 demonstrates that none of the participants have seen individuals in the gym more than 5 times…”.
- Adding details to the bottom axis label of Figure 4 to be “Rating of Adaptability” instead of “Rating”.
- Adding an explanation for why member ratings are included in the member inclusivity score, but trainer ratings are not included in the trainer inclusivity score in Figure 5.
Interpretation of Findings and Research:
A great summary of research findings that also draws parallels to literature. A recommendation:
- Shifting the literature parallels to the conclusion may significantly cut-down repeated material since nearly all points discussed here are repeated later in the summary and interpretation section of the conclusion.
Possible Interventions:
Describes potential structural and non-structural solutions for physical and social barriers for individuals with mobility disabilities. One suggestion:
- Maintaining a consistent naming convention (using only one of physical/social vs structural/non-structural) may prevent reader ambiguity.
Cost-Benefit Analysis of Proposed Interventions:
Expands on the benefits of implementing the potential solutions and summarizes the information in two tables (one for structural, one for non-structural). A recommendation:
- Specifying the sources of the costs of proposed solutions will add validity to the report.
Conclusion:
A fine and succinct summary, interpretation, and list of recommendations. One suggestion:
- Showing and commenting on the total cost of inexpensive interventions will remove work for the intended readers and may add persuasive ability to the report.
Final Impressions and Conclusion:
Overall, this is a great draft for the formal report. Each section flows logically to the next, the tone is positive, and the use of parenthetical definitions are excellent. Below is a list of the suggested edits:
- Adding a “Data Section” heading.
- Reframing the title of the report to use descriptive words.
- Adding a separate section for figures and tables in the table of contents.
- Avoiding non-descriptive pronouns at the beginning of paragraphs.
- Correcting a typo in the introduction.
- Adding some commas for clarity in the Accessibility Needs and Space Design section.
- Condensing the Specific Needs of Members with Disabilities section.
- Adding some details for clarity in the Survey of Members without Disabilities and Fitness Trainers section.
- Shifting information to the conclusion to cut-down repeated material.
- Using a consistent naming scheme throughout the report.
- Specifying cost sources in the Cost-Benefit Analysis of Proposed Interventions section.
- Totaling and commenting on the total cost of inexpensive interventions.
If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact me at any time.
Best,
Jonathan
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