To: Mila Tung, English 301 Student Writer
From: Jen Deluz, English 301 Student Reviewer
Date: December 9, 2020
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Draft: Curtailing the Environmental Challenges Threatening Bird Migration
Thank you for submitting the formal report draft on curtailing the environmental challenges threatening bird migration; it is an insightful read. Please kindly find suggestions for improvements below.
First Impressions
The overall flow and organization of the formal report draft is comprehensible and coherent. Works and citations are properly cited except for one minor technical error, described in further detail within the “Format and Citation” section below. However, some components of a formal report are missing; page numbers and visuals should be added during revision, as they are listed in the table of contents. Words and terms are properly defined before using acronyms, increasing reader comprehension. The overall content is an interesting read, also intriguing for the final formal report when research is complete and included.
Content
Introduction. Overall, this section is the most informative, providing a sufficient amount of background information on environmental challenges faced by migratory birds. The report identifies and addresses the deficiency in tangible steps towards migratory conservation. Here are some suggestions to further improve this section:
- Using the parenthetical definition technique for “avifaunal,” to increase the audience’s comprehension
- Including visuals, as mentioned in the first paragraph of the introduction, to increase the audience’s overall interest
- Determining a more specific person of interest for the target audience of the formal report
Organization
There is a general structure following the outline of the table of contents. However, please see some suggestions below for improvements.
- Using double spacing enhances readability because the text appears more legible
- Using effective, proper headings and subheadings where necessary to increase organization and visual quality
- Using page numbering to facilitate the search for specific parts
Style
Overall, the tone is often objective and positive throughout, while also demonstrating the you-attitude towards the audience. One suggestion:
- Using objective tone by avoiding personal words such as “I” and “my”
Design
The overall formal report draft design can be improved to ensure it is reader-friendly and more visually appealing. Some suggestions can be found below.
- Using visuals breaks up big chunks of text while drawing the reader’s attention
Grammar and Technical Errors
The formal report draft is written diligently with no grammar errors. However, some improvements can be made depending on the format being used. Please see suggestions below for APA format.
- Utilizing an ampersand within the parentheses while citing work by two authors for in-text citations, unless citing within the text then the word “and” between the authors’ names
- Unsurprisingly, LP also causes visibility issues which result in disorientation and collisions described earlier (Longcore & Rich, 2004).
- Unsurprisingly, Longcore and Rich (2004) discovered that LP also causes visibility issues which result in disorientation and collisions described earlier.
- Using a numbered list when displaying items in a numbered series; otherwise, lowercase letters with surrounding parentheses before each item
- Data collected from surveys and interviews will be utilized to recommend a campaign strategy to:
- Promote positive deliverables towards migratory bird protection.
- Empower sustainable changes at multiple socioeconomic levels.
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- Data collected from surveys and interviews will be utilized to recommend a campaign strategy to (a) promote positive deliverables towards migratory bird protection and (b) empower sustainable changes at multiple socioeconomic levels.
Concluding Comments
Overall, the formal report draft is still a work in progress but . Below is a brief summary of the recommended suggestions for improvements:
- Using the parenthetical definition technique for “avifaunal,” to increase the audience’s comprehension
- Including visuals
- Determining a more specific person of interest for the target audience of the formal report
- Using double spacing
- Using effective, proper headings and subheadings
- Using page numbering
- Using objective tone by avoiding personal words such as “I” and “my”
- Formatting according to either APA or MLA standards
Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions or require further clarification.
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